Thursday, January 25, 2007

I Hate My Neighbors!


I have two neighbors that I totally hate right now...1. Dan (to the north) and 2. Black Guy (to the south). My hate for them is coming from different places.


Dan, who is the best neighbor on the face of the planet (also very hot) is going to be moving in April because his landlord sucks. I am so upset because he is a neighbor that you can really trust, have fun with and count on. Don and Dan hang out often and it is really convenient. We take out Banjo (Dan's dog) when he gets stuck on a job out in the middle of nowhere (yes, I do have keys to his house, and no, I have not sniffed his underwear). My mom and sisters are totally obsessed with him and I find it kind of funny when they make total fools of themselves in front of him. I am really more sad than mad, but it sucks to lose a good guy!


Black Guy (I have no clue what his name is) just started living with my neighbors to the south a few weeks ago. The family isn't bad, but they aren't like Dan. They keep to themselves (plus), they are quiet (plus), they have 3 foster children that are well behaved (plus) and retarded (plus...great stories come from that) but he parks his damn car in front of our house (not a plus). Now I don't live in the city where you have to fight for parking spots so parking in front of your house is never an issue. Until recently that is, he has thrown off every body's spot by parking smack dab in front of mine. So now Dan has to park in front of Sue, and Sue has to park in front of the Pollacks, and so on and so on. It really pisses me off. I know this seems like a minor inconvenience and I shouldn't get worked up about it, but why can't that fuck-tard park in front of his own fucking house - NO BODY PARKS THERE!!!! Don and I have resorted to passive-aggressive means of getting back at him (I would tell him to his face that he needs to park is piece of shit in front of his own house, but since he keeps off hours, I never run into him) and have desecrated the sanctity of neighbourliness. Don has peed on his car, we spit on it, kick the tires and say really not nice things about him. My dad thinks that he is "hiding from the police", good thought but really parking your car the house over...is that really a good way to "hide" from the police father??? I am at the point where I may have to ring the bell and politely ask him to park in front of his own house - that sounds logical, I better not do that and stick with the passive-aggressive route!

88 comments:

Jenny! said...

The picture should actually say...

Ha Ha! I jerked off on my hot neighbor!

OR

Ha Ha! I pissed on my black neighbors car!

Sarah said...

no more Dan :( Does he want to come live at my house, He is hot, I know my roomate wouldn't mind!!!

He peed on the car!! Note to self do not park in front of Jenny's house.

You know I always go for passive aggresve so I say keep peeing!

Steven Novak said...

The passive agressive route always wins the day...

Just look at me. ;)

Steve~

BBC said...

Hum, your blog is different. Not that I have a problem with pissed off and attitude.

Well, enjoy, it's not like the rest of the world knows we exist anyway.

All we are doing is fucking around. That and I'm looking for some tits to kiss.

Umm, never mind.

Hammer said...

Hello, is this cleetus's tow service? There's this abandon car in front of my house...

Malnurtured Snay said...

I've got a neighbor who has a dog -- not allowed in this apartment complex -- and I can hear its fucking barking in my living room. Sometimes I think I've got the worst neighbor situations ever, but, I'm still happy the all-night-long-music-blasting-police-calling neighbors who were there before are gone.

Dan said...

Jenny, you touched a nerve with me here as well. I rent half a house. The other half is rented by someone else who has, like, 30 million friends. Nearly every day several folks are visiting and for the longest time our neighbor had a broken down car taking one of their two spaces. Which meant that we (who only have one car) always have one of their friend's cars parked in one of our spots.

We don't mind except when we get people visiting. And we constantly have to ask them to move one of the cars. What really burns me up is when their friends park their car in one of our spots and then climb in my neighbor's car and leave for the entire day. I usually end up parking in their spot blocking their damned garage.

People can be such asses when it comes to this sort of thing.

mutleythedog said...

Why not kill him?

Jeanette said...

So that's where the yellow spot on my car came from last time I was over.

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