My personal favorite isn't pictured above...
I'm Proof My Mom Likes To Fuck!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/31/2007
It all started here...and thanks to Crushed By Ingsoc...I have been given my first award...ever! This award is for, "people that were exceptionally adept at creating relationships with other bloggers by making an effort to be part of a conversation, as opposed to a monologue. These bloggers have all worked hard to build a reputation for themselves by commenting on other blogs, participating in blogging communities, replying to comments left on their blog and overall just doing their part to interact with other bloggers."
So, I looked up the definition of schmooze, because, honestly I wasn't sure...I thought perhaps it was similar to a brown noser or an ass kisser, but no...it means to chat idly, gossip, chatter, or chat casually and in a friendly way. Much better than brown noser!
I am truly honored to get this award, well, I would be honored to get any award...even if it was the "Most Abnoxious Blogger Award" or the "The Girl That Doesn't Shut Up Award". I am probably going to do this all wrong...but give me a break...I'm a fricking virgin here!
I am now supposed to give this award out to five other very deserving Schmoozer's! My goal in giving these awards out is to give them to people who are award virgins...I want to pop some cherries here people! I think that there are a ton of you out there that deserve this, and as I was going through my links trying to decide...it was hard (like right after a hot lap dance kind of hard)!
So here are my five...in alphabetical order!
1st - Yoda: You are so busy with school, new job and moving, but you still make time to post, comment and reply to all your comments. You are so funny and always manage to make me laugh! You are dedicated to your blog group and I respect that...you don't let it get so big that you can't keep up your close relationships with each person!
2nd - Raffi: You are so deep, and you truly inspire with your "flows", but you are a complete goof sometimes and I love it! I see you all over and you frequent blogs of all different venues. I love how you can go from deep thinking to tits and ass in an instant!
3rd - Christie: We are pretty new to each other, but I loved you instantly! You are great at thinking outside the box in your comments and always have the angle that I have forgotten. I always look forward to your comments and your posts are hilarious! Like my sister from another mister!
4th - Captain Corky: You are amazing at keeping a conversation going in comments, you are a new dad, but still so dedicated to your blog. You check out new blogs and stay true to your old blog buddies too. You are amazingly good at opening up opinion floodgates and being respectful and accepting.
5th - Mighty Dyckerson: You are crude and obnoxious, but I love you...you make a community out of your blog and your readers! We are all sucked in with your hilarious wit and your persistence of you trying to get into every female readers pants! You are a comment king!
*** So, if any of you five aren't virgins...I am going to feel tricked and taken advantage of tomorrow morning!I also, got a second award today! So I guess not only am I not an Award Virgin anymore, but I have become the Award Whore! This award came from Mike...who thinks that I am an Inspirational Blogger! His reason behind giving me the award is, "Because she is the coolest blogger ever!" Well thanks, that was a great ego boost! I am really not very good at this giving out awards thing, because, like Mike, I find everyone inspiring in one way or another! I can't just pick and choose between you all! You all have a special place in my heart! You are all so different that it's hard to pick a few!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/30/2007
My son is seriously the Big Mack Daddy of Flirt! He can pull more chicks than all of you male readers combined...well maybe not as many as Dyckerson...but seriously a close second! Here are Donovan's dating tactics...pay attention Yoda!
There you go, you follow those quick and easy steps guys...and you are golden!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/29/2007
Fever Dog asked if the caricature in my last post below "is that the only picture you have of you & Don?" Well, to answer your question...no...but we don't have any digital pictures of us and all the pictures we have are from an old skool camera. So, that got me digging around in all of my old pictures and I tried to take pictures of the pictures to show everyone!
This is Don...aka...Asshole Master...finally you all can put a face to the name!
I am thinking that I want to be blonde again, I haven't been blonde since before my son was born...it's my natural hair color now and I like it...but I miss being blonde! Now Don would all tell you that although I miss being blonde, I still have my blonde moments and I am a true blonde at heart!
Don't know what happened, I can barely use the camera as it is...but I thought it looked kind of bad ass!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/28/2007
I was really really bored today-the house is clean, the laundry's done, no where to go...so I decided to take some pictures of the things that I love about my house!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/28/2007
BAMF's is having a self-help themed meeting in two weeks...we all picked a book from a list put together by Sarah...so we could all help each other and read different books! Since I am not a fan of self-help and think that it is basically bullshit, I decided to pick a book that I thought would be mildly entertaining and also spark some interesting discussion topics at our meeting.
So, the book that I am reading is this...
And it is not even remotely entertaining! In fact, I find it boring and frustrating!
I would like to know who the fuck NEEDS this book? It's not like erotic literature and there aren't even that many pictures...so why does anyone need to read this? Are we that stupid that we can't figure out that the penis goes into the vagina or mouth...or on occasion...the ass? Are we that boring that we can't come up with our own sexual positions? Are we that dense that we can't figure out what our lover wants?
Basically Tantric sex is the joining of souls kind of stuff, like connection on a whole different level and Kama Sutra is positions that will increase your sexual energy...blah blah blah! I don't need to see Chakra colors to have a fucking orgasm!
It goes into lengthy detail on how to breath...um, ok...I can breath without instructions, in fact...it's all done automatically by my body...I don't even need to think about it! But breathing, according to this book, is the path to multiple orgasms and staying power for erections...weird...I thought that sex would sustain a boner and that multiple orgasms are achieved through touch...not breathing...shit, if I could orgasm while breathing...I wouldn't be allowed out of my house!
It talks about how massaging your partner is sexual...um, duh...touching and rubbing on someone sexual! That there are certain ways to touch your partner to make their sexual energy heighten to be blissful...my guess is that touching a penis will make it "heighten".
It also talks about all this connecting with your inner colors and blah blah blah....dudes and dudettes...its FUCKING...I don't need an instruction manual! And for sure I don't need to read about colors and what they represent...I don't care what color your car interior is...that ain't the point!
I guess I should be nicer, because maybe there are people out there that need instructions on how to use their privates...but really...isn't part of the fun of sex, figuring it all out, experimentation and uninhibited moments with the other person?
The book has a suggestion for all you males...make as much love as you want each week...but only ejaculate once every seven days! Ha ha ha...Tantric sex my ass...that is a serious case of blue balls!
The other obvious suggestion is that both people should experience an orgasm each love session and that it's important to please your lover...what the fuck...pleasure is the whole point of sex!!! The clitoris is the ONLY part of the human body that is designed specifically for pleasure...no purpose but pleasure, what a rough life for the clitoris! And men, if you can't make your woman cum...you shouldn't be having sex!
So, I am not going to recommend you read this book...unless you are a retard and don't know where you penis is!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/27/2007
I know I complain alot about the public transportation and the homeless crazies on my blog...but seriously...it sucks! Why me??? What did I do in my past life that would require this kind of punishment...I must have been some slave driving queen bitch and now I am getting payback by having to ride the public train everyday! I hate it!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/26/2007
Does everyone know the game Asshole?
Not the card game, but the one where you make a circle with your fingers (like the picture above) and try to get the other person to look at it...and then if they look, you can punch them! The trick to the game is that you need to be slick and sneaky...neither of which I am very good at! Knowing that I always loose at this game...I still start it! I am a glutton for being punched I guess, that or retarded...either one!
So, Don (the self professed ninja) is super fucking good at this game...he like, pummels my ass in this game! I can usually get two or three punches in before he gets all warmed up for me! He gets me so good sometimes that I will literally gasp at my error of looking...and then...wait to be punched.
So last night, I decided that it would be a good idea to play asshole with him...of course I don't ask if he wants to play, so he always falls for the first one...yeah me...I get to punch him! Then from there it is all downhill, I end up with sore arms and legs...he even tried to punch the bottom of my foot...now that is just not nice! And once you start the game, it's almost impossible to stop. I try and try and try to get him, but seriously he is like the Asshole Master..doesn't fall for my tricks! But I fall for all of his...I think I got punched maybe like 40 times before we ended the game!
I hate losing...I will try again tonight!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/25/2007
A woman who tried to dance on the bar at a tavern is now suing the bar after she fell and shattered her ankle. She is seeking more than $50,000 in damages for her injuries at Samy's Bar and Grill in Joliet (white trash capital of Illinois). She fell while trying to climb up onto the bar and is suing Samy's for "allowing her to climb upon the bar without a step-stool, ladder or other device used for safety. They encouraged their patrons to dance on the bar -- they cajole them, they yell at them, but they fail to take any safety precautions whatsoever," said the woman's attorney. She completely shattered her right ankle. She has had three surgeries on her ankle after the injury and the attorney representing the bar and its owners, said the lawsuit was the first anyone at the bar had heard of the incident.
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/23/2007
I am a crazy homeless person magnet...but it makes for exciting times!
My train ride to work this morning was uneventful...my preference! But my walk to work prooved to be interesting! I was walking across the bridge to get to my office building and saw up ahead a ragged weirdo man jumping out at people right at the end of the bridge. It was too late to cross the street, so I walked on, preparing myself for his lunge at me that was inevitable. As I get closer, I start to smell that overpowering urine stench that often waifs off of the crazy homeless...taking a deep breath I march on...he jumps out...making me jump, even though I was expecting it...and yells, "I am sphincter man!" I couldn't help put spit out a loud bout of laughter as I walked away. I sat in my normal morning spot...just far enough away so that I couldn't smell piss anymore, but close enough that I could here him talking. He continued to jump out at people yelling about being the sphincter man, but added a chorus to go along while waiting for his next victim...it went like this, "My sphincter is brown, my sphincter is round, I am SHPINCTER MAN!"
I am a bit behind the times with movies lately, but Don and I watched Smokin' Aces yesterday and I fucking loved it. I haven't watched a movie in quite some time that I have loved this much. The cast was exceptional, except for Alicia Keys. I am in love with Jeremy Piven and Ryan Reynolds. I loved that the movie was funny, violent, and touching all at the same time!
But it does bring out a pet peeve of mine....crossover to acting from singing! Alicia Keys is far from an actress...even a mediocre one. Can't we leave the acting to actors...and have rappers and singers stop taking roles that would be better played by someone else! Movies that were ruined because of this: Queen of the Damned - staring Aaliyah...glad your dead...you suck! I can't stand this type of casting! There are numerous movies that have been ruined for me just by the appearance of crappy casted crossover fuckers! But I was able to get over Keys in Smokin' Aces...and loved it anyway! Highly recommend! The Tremor Brothers were rock on awesomely hilarious!
FYI: I posted a few more pictures at A Thousand Words!
Blogged By: Jenny! When: 7/23/2007
Mingle2 - Online Dating