Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Brookfield Zoo Has Spirit...How Bout You?

Bears bring a biteJim (left) and Axhi, two Brookfield Zoo brown bears, join in on the Super Bowl fever by putting the bite on a helmet-shaped pinata with the Indianapolis Colts logo in Brookfield, Ill., Monday. Staff and young visitors at the zoo's Hamill Family Play Zoo created two pinatas - a football with the Bears logo and a football helmet with the Colts logo.(Tribune photo by Antonio Perez) Jan 29, 2007

*** Go Bears!

They Should Be Fired!

Gary Heitz (left) and Erin Edmister decide that the helmets have to go back to the shop to be refiited. The much anticipated Bears helmets being placed on the lions heads at the Art Institute of Chicago Tuesday were too small.(Tribune photo by Nancy Stone) Jan 30, 2007

*** If this is your job..shouldn't you make sure before you make the helmets that they actual are the correct size to fit the lion's head???

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I Hate My Neighbors!

I have two neighbors that I totally hate right now...1. Dan (to the north) and 2. Black Guy (to the south). My hate for them is coming from different places.

Dan, who is the best neighbor on the face of the planet (also very hot) is going to be moving in April because his landlord sucks. I am so upset because he is a neighbor that you can really trust, have fun with and count on. Don and Dan hang out often and it is really convenient. We take out Banjo (Dan's dog) when he gets stuck on a job out in the middle of nowhere (yes, I do have keys to his house, and no, I have not sniffed his underwear). My mom and sisters are totally obsessed with him and I find it kind of funny when they make total fools of themselves in front of him. I am really more sad than mad, but it sucks to lose a good guy!

Black Guy (I have no clue what his name is) just started living with my neighbors to the south a few weeks ago. The family isn't bad, but they aren't like Dan. They keep to themselves (plus), they are quiet (plus), they have 3 foster children that are well behaved (plus) and retarded (plus...great stories come from that) but he parks his damn car in front of our house (not a plus). Now I don't live in the city where you have to fight for parking spots so parking in front of your house is never an issue. Until recently that is, he has thrown off every body's spot by parking smack dab in front of mine. So now Dan has to park in front of Sue, and Sue has to park in front of the Pollacks, and so on and so on. It really pisses me off. I know this seems like a minor inconvenience and I shouldn't get worked up about it, but why can't that fuck-tard park in front of his own fucking house - NO BODY PARKS THERE!!!! Don and I have resorted to passive-aggressive means of getting back at him (I would tell him to his face that he needs to park is piece of shit in front of his own house, but since he keeps off hours, I never run into him) and have desecrated the sanctity of neighbourliness. Don has peed on his car, we spit on it, kick the tires and say really not nice things about him. My dad thinks that he is "hiding from the police", good thought but really parking your car the house over...is that really a good way to "hide" from the police father??? I am at the point where I may have to ring the bell and politely ask him to park in front of his own house - that sounds logical, I better not do that and stick with the passive-aggressive route!

I Need A Drink!

I feel like shit, my job is pissing me off, and I want a drink!

On the up side...Prison Break is back on Monday nights! Very exciting! He is so sexy!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

They Do Not Look Pleased!!!

Armenian Orthodox priests walk following the Armenian Christmas Eve procession in the Church of the Nativity, traditionally believed to be the birthplace of Jesus Christ, in the West Bank town of Bethlehem, Thursday. Armenian Orthodox followers in the Holy Land celebrate Christmas on Jan. 18.

Is it just me or do these men not look very happy about pictures being taken at the birthplace of Jesus!!! I think I need to say a prayer, because I am scared!!!

One Long Ass Week

I don't think I have worked so hard at work in a few months...I am so not use to being bogged down busy! I am so fucking tired that I could go to sleep for days. Nothing truly funny or eventful happened this week, I am feeling a tit bit bored with myself. I did however, win a Coach wallet purse thing at our company holiday party today...oh, how exciting! I have never owned or had the desire to own a Coach product, but since we did the stealing game with our grab bag, I just had to steal from my boss who had the biggest stiffy over it...I just had to have it! I'm not sure what you do with it, because it is big enough to hold some cash and an your drivers license, but whatever...seeing my bosses woody deflate was totally worth it! It looks like the one pictured above, but blue...I would love it so much more had it been in pink!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Boner Alert!

Those be some damn scary girls!
Sarah...weren't you looking at a wedding dress similar to this...please don't!!!
I don't know what's the worst part of this picture...her hair, crinkled boobs or the grill!

Does Maggie have a boner or is she just really happy to have not won anything???

Monday, January 15, 2007

When Saints Lie

Don's grandma, Grandma Taco, is the closest thing to a Saint that I have ever met. She is the most religiously inspiring woman with the biggest, purest heart I can imagine. When I am with her I feel relief, joy and inspiration. I am not a very religious person more spiritual really, but when I am with her I am hit with overwhelming goodness. She lives by herself in a small apartment and we visit her every other or every Sunday. She cooks for us, she says that her cooking is the best because she cooks with lots of love. It is some damn good food. She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and can do no harm.

That said...she totally lied to Don's sister Yolie this past weekend. Yolie is a straight up cunt. She is a total bitch with no respect, decency or class. She comes over to Grandma Taco's house and eats all her food, leaves a huge mess and is extremely ungrateful and rude. We were all going to meet up this past Sunday to have lunch as a family because Don's younger brother Jeff is heading back to college. Yolie called Grandma Taco to let her know what time and Grandma Taco told Yolie that she wasn't going to be home so nobody should come over. Yolie called us to tell us that Grandma is cancelling for Sunday and we should do it another time. Grandma called two minutes later and told Don that she was in fact going to be home and that only we were invited because we aren't rude and obnoxious. I could not believe that she lied to Yolie, it was the most fantastic thing in the world! Since Yolie is no longer invited to join us for food at Grandma Taco's house, we should all be enjoying each other's company much better now!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Yummy Donut!

There has been a homeless man lurking at my local Starbucks. He hides behind the side of the apartment building across the street and sticks his head out to ask for money when cars park. I have seen him a few times this week and every time he scares me because he jumps out from behind the side of the building yelling, "Miss!" The first time I replied, "What?" And then the next few times I have just shook my head and walked away.

Now this is probably going to come off sounding mean, but I don't give money to beggars on the street. There are so many homeless shelters in Chicago that are only half full and the last reports that I read, said that only about 50% of the actual homeless use the shelters and food pantries. Why are the homeless not going to the shelters for help. And if they are asking for bus or train fare...why did they leave that area they want to get "home" to so badly? Also, if I am going to give someone something it is going to be the actual object not just handing them over money.

So, this morning the man jumped out from the building again and I shook my head and walked away. When I was waiting in line at Starbucks I felt weirdly charitable and decided to buy the man a donut and a bagel. After I picked up my drink, I walked to the corner where the man pops out from (prepared with my hand on my mace...just in case), found him sitting next to the dumpster and handed him the donut and bagel. He looked surprised and took the bag and asked, "What's this?" I told him, "That's a donut and a bagel for you!" He said, "I was asking for money, not food!" I was like, "Oh!" He was like, "There's not even butter on this bagel!" I was shocked out of my frigging mind! I asked him what he needed money for and he said, "It's none of your business." I said, "Okay, fine. Have a nice day and good luck finding money, bastard!" I then swiftly grabbed the donut and bagel bag from him and hurried to my car. I got in the car, locked the door and couldn't move. Seriously, I was in awe of his audacity. He obviously has missed a few meals, baths and doctor appointments so I thought that bringing him Starbucks treats was a nice thing. I then called the Forest Park non-emergency number and told them that there was a bum harassing the patrons of Starbucks for the past week and that he needs to be removed. The police said they would send someone out to check. I was pleased! I went to work, didn't want to eat the bagel or donut so I left it in the bag on my desk. My boss came in 30 minutes later and asked what I was eating. I told her she could have it if she wanted to, I didn't like Starbucks donuts. Now, seeing that my boss is squeamish about the smallest of things, this donut was extra yummy for me!!!

Friday, January 12, 2007

These Made Me Laugh

A collage of John Ashcroft's face, made up entirely of porn pictures

Great Movie!

There have been a lot of dud movies that I have watched recently, but The Illusionist was fantastic. I love Ed Norton and wish that he looked as good as he did in American History X in all of his movies. I am not a fan of Jessical Biel, but was able to tolerate her aweful accent in this movie. Paul Giamatti is an awesome actor and he has had a lot of good ones come out recently. I loved Lady In The Water so I hope he keeps up his good streak. I would so watch this movie again and again!

You Decide!

Same night, same dress!
I honestly don't like either dress or either girl, but whatever!

That Time Is Coming Again!

The time I am referring to is the time that I went psycho. I, hopefully, am not certifiably crazy, but there certainly are times that I feel that way. It is starting to bubble and boil inside me again and I fear that it might come out soon. Jeanette knows about my psychotic tendancies and will hopefully back me up in saying that I do, for the most part, lead a relatively normal life with not too much crazy going on. The time that I went crazy was a few years ago at a Halloween party at my house. We had way too much liquer and way too many immature guests. Now, I don't do well with messes (OCD kicks into overdrive), I had a headache, there were a lot of people over and I guess I just wasn't in the mood for some rude asshole I didn't know to start vomiting in my kitchen sink. Since turning on the sink to rinse the puke down is a good idea, when there isn't shit in the sink like bottles, caps, plastic cups, napkins and cigarette butts to clog the drain, it started to overflow and I LOST IT! That party ended real soon and I am pretty sure that I scared a good number of people to not want to come back...ever!

Well, I am so fed up with work that I seriously want to spit in someones face. It is getting harder and harder to paste on my happy smile face and be pleasant enough to fake my way through the day. My GAD (Give A Damn) is broken again, I'm sure this comes to no suprise to those of you who hear about this quarterly! I should go work at USPS!

Da Bears!

Tank Johnson #99 - Chicago Bears

Position: Defensive Tackle
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 300 lbs
Birthdate: Dec 7, 1981
Birthplace: Chandler, Arizona
College: Washington

Brian Griese #14 - Chicago Bears

Position: Quarterback
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 214 lbs
Birthdate: March 18, 1975
Birthplace: Miami, Florida
College: Michigan

Rex Grossman #8 - Chicago Bears

Position: Quarterback
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 217 lbs
Birthdate: Aug 23, 1980
Birthplace: Bloomington, Indiana
College: Florida

Brian Urlacher #54 - Chicago Bears
Position: Linebacker
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 258 lbs
Birthdate: May 25, 1978
Birthplace: Lovington, New Mexico
College: New Mexico

I am kind of a "jump on the band-wagon" type of girl and I can't help but get excited about the upcoming SuperBowl (is that what it's called?). I have watched a few football games this season and I have to admitt that football is the one sport that I don't get. I really really don't get it, and I feel like a dumb ass because football is America's favorite past time (that and porn) and I have no clue. I do learn quickly so I am getting more familiar with the rules and such. I kind of want to have a SuperBowl party...anyone want to come???

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


What the fuck!
Bush and Clooney in Luisianna. Former President George Bush enjoys a light moment with actor George Clooney during a ceremony on Dec. 20 to present a $2 million check to South Cameron Memorial Hospital in Cameron, La. The hospital was damaged by by Hurricane Rita.
I can only imagine what is going throught their minds! Here is a few that come to my mind...
Clooney's Mind:
"You better stop touching me old man!"
"Damn Bush! You need to mosturize more!"
"I wish I didn't have so much money, then I wouldn't have to be sitting here with you!"
"God...I hate Republicans!"
"I just shit my pants!"
"Is this almost over???"
"Fuck! I hate being charitable!"
"I can totally take you and your old wrinkly ass!"
Bush's Mind:
"Ha ha, I am touching you...you hate it and there's nothing you can do about it!!!"
"Aren't homeless people funny?"
"I loved you in the movie Babel!"
"Oh, Georgie...I don't swing that way!"
"Hey, our names are both George!"
"What are we here for again?"
"You sure don't look as handsome in person!"
"How the fuck did you win People's Most Sexy Man???"
"My son is gonna kick your punk ass!"
"Is it true you like to stick gerbils up your ass?"

Oprah Opens School

Oprah Winfrey on January 2nd opens a multimillion-dollar school she has funded for poor South African girls in Johanesburg. Winfrey's school was the culmination of a pledge she made to South Africa's anti-apartheid icon Nelson Mandela six years ago.

This is all good and well and I understand the positive impact that Oprah has on many different things, but I still have reservations towards her. She is a Chicago native and has a house in the suburbs, but she opens a school in Africa. There are so many children right here in the United States, in Chicago that need better schooling. CPS (Chicago Public Schools) is pathetic and could use some help. I just wish she would spend some money here, for the kids that are in need of a decent education. I don't want to sound cold, but seriously...spend some of your money on our (Chicago's) kids 1st!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Frank Is Back!!!

The one year anniversary of my grandma's death is coming up in a few days. My family doesn't seem to be upset or depressed about it at all. It's not that I expect my grandpa, dad and aunt to be hysterical or anything, but guess what my grandpa is going to do??? My grandpa is going to go to Las Vegas for a few days...with another woman!!! My grandpa is kind of a "popular" old man. He works at a tennis club everyday, plays a few games, eats healthy, socializes at bars, hangs out at jazz clubs and does all the kind of stuff that what I imagine the young Sinatra doing! My grandpa asked my dad and aunt if they would be upset with him taking a "chick" to Vegas with him. My dad told him, "No, its fine that you take a broad to Vegas, it would be even better if she could buy me a Thunderbird!" My grandpa laughed and was glad that his kids weren't upset about it. I am kind of weirded out about it, but I am also happy for my grandpa and his ability to move on and enjoy the rest of his life.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

The PC Field Trip

The girls and I went on a field trip to The Pleasure Chest in Chicago last night. It was kind of fun. I had no idea that there were that many choices for dildos and vibrators. Also, what is the purpose of a triple threat butt plug??? We must have spent close to two hours in the store perusing. The workers were actually extremely informative, two men on the floor and one woman in the backroom (the consensus was that she's the "tester"). We had a blast together, as always. The plan was to play Friends SceneIt after, but we didn't, instead we just talked about having sex in cars and all sorts of other interesting inappropriate things. We had big cookie...our favorite girly treat! I found out that my friends are kind of sex-a-holics (I did in fact already know that). One is really self-climax addicted, one likes to play dress-up and the other is just a plain old skank! I love you guys and wouldn't trade you or your weird sex habits for the world. I hope we can go again soon!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell

The art of Boris Vallejo is characterized by beautiful maidens, heroic men and fearsome monsters while the work of his wife Julie Bell is famous for a sense of color and dramatic composition which puts her paintings in a class by themselves. Muscle is a key concern for both artists, who casually bring to life heroes and deities, usually engaged in superhuman, muscle-popping tasks. Male and female bodies (often sparingly clad to emphasize every curve and muscle in stunning detail) are idealized in Olympian form. Both also paint mythical and alien beings, creating believable creatures from their knowledge of body mechanics. As two of the most acclaimed fantasy artists working today, Boris and Julie have produced art for album covers, trading cards, posters and calendars for (in Boris' case) 30 years...and have seen 15 books published celebrating their breathtaking work.

One of the calendars that Don and I bought this years is Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell's Fantasy Calendar and it is spectacular. The little images above do no justice to their amazing work.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Got Luck?

Ald. Burton Natarus, 42nd Ward, gives Ald. Todd Stroger, 8th Ward, a collegial pat on the head during the debate in the Chicago City Council over the proposed “Big Box ordinance” that would raise wages and benefits for employees of giant retailers like Wal-Mart and Target. The council passed the ordinance, but it was later vetoed by Mayor Daley. (Tribune photo by José M. Osorio) July 26, 2006
"A collegial pat on the head" or a gesture stating, "You're one lucky idiot! How you got voted into office, amazes me every single waking moment!" Stroger's smirk says, "Damn, son! I am an idiot...um, I meanz, I am lucky!"

Bronze What???

A pair of tiny, upside-down sneakers preserved by the American Bronzing Company illustrated a feature in the Chicago Tribune Magazine about the uniquely American custom of preserving baby shoes. (Tribune photo by Bill Hogan) August 20, 2006
Don asked me a month or so ago what shoes we were going to have bronzed of Donovan's. I was like, "what?" I had never heard of this before but Don insisted that that is what people use to do all the time. I was kind of thinking that it was a waste of money, but now that I think about it...it would be kind of cool to do. I have been doing some thinking about what shoes we would want bronzed and I can't decide. I think the tradition is supposed to be the 1st pair of shoes, but since we were advocates of bare-foot is better for development during the 1st year, he didn't really have baby shoes or cutsie little booties. The shoes that were his 1st were gym shoes and cute, but not like booties or dress shoes (they are kind of dirty now too). So, this might sound silly, but I think I am going to go shopping for a really fancy looking little shoe that we can bronze (does that defeat the purpose???) He also had the cutest pair of sandals for summer, would that work???

I Wish That Was Piss

Two-year-old Jesse Jackson III makes watery contact with his father, Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. (D-Ill.), after the congressman’s morning press conference at his South Side Chicago home where Jackson announced a citywide "listening tour" and a possible run for the mayor's office. Jackson was checking his phone messages before flying back to Washington when he was squirted by his son. (Tribune photo by Milbert O. Brown) September 6, 2006