Monday, July 23, 2007

Sphincter Man

I am a crazy homeless person magnet...but it makes for exciting times!


My train ride to work this morning was uneventful...my preference! But my walk to work prooved to be interesting! I was walking across the bridge to get to my office building and saw up ahead a ragged weirdo man jumping out at people right at the end of the bridge. It was too late to cross the street, so I walked on, preparing myself for his lunge at me that was inevitable. As I get closer, I start to smell that overpowering urine stench that often waifs off of the crazy homeless...taking a deep breath I march on...he jumps out...making me jump, even though I was expecting it...and yells, "I am sphincter man!" I couldn't help put spit out a loud bout of laughter as I walked away. I sat in my normal morning spot...just far enough away so that I couldn't smell piss anymore, but close enough that I could here him talking. He continued to jump out at people yelling about being the sphincter man, but added a chorus to go along while waiting for his next victim...it went like this, "My sphincter is brown, my sphincter is round, I am SHPINCTER MAN!"

I am a bit behind the times with movies lately, but Don and I watched Smokin' Aces yesterday and I fucking loved it. I haven't watched a movie in quite some time that I have loved this much. The cast was exceptional, except for Alicia Keys. I am in love with Jeremy Piven and Ryan Reynolds. I loved that the movie was funny, violent, and touching all at the same time!


But it does bring out a pet peeve of mine....crossover to acting from singing! Alicia Keys is far from an actress...even a mediocre one. Can't we leave the acting to actors...and have rappers and singers stop taking roles that would be better played by someone else! Movies that were ruined because of this: Queen of the Damned - staring Aaliyah...glad your dead...you suck! I can't stand this type of casting! There are numerous movies that have been ruined for me just by the appearance of crappy casted crossover fuckers! But I was able to get over Keys in Smokin' Aces...and loved it anyway! Highly recommend! The Tremor Brothers were rock on awesomely hilarious!


FYI: I posted a few more pictures at A Thousand Words!

25 comments:

Sassy Blondie said...

Jenny-You should have told Sphincter Man to shut his ass!

And I love Ryan Reynolds too.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I'm still laughing at sphincter man!

I've seen some funny dudes about, but this guy sounds extra mad!

Was he selling his body, and was this his- fairly unsuccessful- marketing plan?

:phil: said...

I thought GW Bush was Sphincter Man.
NYC is filled with the crazy homeless. Some of them are pretty amusing

Brian in Oxford said...

everyone wants to be will smith! i can't wait until that wisconsin professor puts out the list about this year's incoming freshmen....to them, will smith has always been an actor.

parents just don't understand.....

anyways, remember, it only takes 1 finger to close up a sphincter.

Jenny! said...

Sassy:
I was too busy laughing to say anything to him! If I see him again, I will be sure to say that!

Crushed:
He should be committed or put down for sure!

Phil:
Sphincter man is by far my favorite crazy of ALL time!

Brian In Oxford:
I don't want ot put my finger anywhere near someones sphincter to close it up!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Does he turn into a giant flying sphincter when trouble arises?

Jenny! said...

Crushed:
I fucking hope not!

Jenny said...

Oh my God I think we're the same girl. I have crazy homeless man magnet too. If I had a quarter for everytime I've been propositioned by them I'd have...um...$2.50 That doesn't sound like much but trust me, it is.

(But Shincter Man sounds kind of fascinating. Like he has special recturm powers or something.)

Jenny! said...

Jenny:
I do hope I see him again and that he has added more lyrics ot his song!

jungle jane said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh i love that urine smell - it reminds me of pickled onions!!

Jenny! said...

JJ:
Yummmm, pickled onions!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I see material for another entry at Nourishing Smuttiness...

Watch out for him on the way home. He may be chaning into character.
You don't want to SEE his magic powers!!

Jenny! said...

Crushed:
Does smut include vomit...cause that is what will happen!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Was Sphinctor Man wearing tights and a cape? If not, I suspect he was an impostor.

snowelf said...

I so want to see that movie! Thanks for the heads up!! :)

You should have told him you weren't impressed as you've met Super Sphincter Man and he was way cooler.

--snow

Nocturnal said...

Crossovers drive me nuts too. I just saw on TV that the "Bruce Willis Blues Band" is going to be playing here soon, give me a break.

One or the other man.

Jeannie said...

Sphincter Man huh?
I don't see so many homeless around. Although there's a crack whore that hangs around. The odd male customer comes in visibly trembling from disgust when she offers them her disease ridden body.

Akelamalu said...

Mmmmmm, I got a confession to make - I fell off a bar once whilst dancing on it!

In my defence it was all the fault of a Pink Elephant - she slipped and dragged me with her! It's true I swear!

Jenny! said...

Dyckerson:
Why didn't you tell me sooner that he was an imposter...I went and took him home, fed him, bathed him and gave him a warm bed! Fuck!

Snow:
I would majorly fear SUPER sphincter man!

Nocturnal:
That shit is so bogus...they can't even master one art form, then they go on to fuck up another!

Jeannie:
That's just....GROSS!

Akelamula:
Did you sue???

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

you know he's your hero...

Jenny! said...

Crushed:
He is the one that I would scream for if I was ever teh damsel in distress!

Hammer said...

I stopped doing that when I was 5.

Sphincter man could get his own TV show with that kind of catchphrase

Fever Dog said...

You should have yelled back at Sphincter Man, like "I am Mangina Girl" or something. Probably best not to encourage him.

honkeie2 said...

I am going to steal his act. "My sphincter is brown, my sphincter is round, I am SHPINCTER MAN!"
All I need now is a shit covered cape!
And on the wrapper/actors area.....what next country singer/porn star?

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