Monday, October 29, 2007

The CIA is Following Me!


I haven't had any really fun and interesting train stories for you all in a while and I thought that maybe my days of crazies, perverts and blind people were over. But no, don't worry, there was one this morning that tops the cake and takes the gold medal for insane train passenger of the year.

The woman gets on the crowded train, looking quite normal (her hair was a wreck, but whatever, we can't all be perfect) and starts yelling out, "They gots guns on me. Them CIA and FBI peoples be following me with GUNS!" Everyone on the train is staring at her while she walks up and down the isle yelling about, "Them cameras be everywhere, they watching us. They know what we's all looks like and they gots our picture. Them CIA mutha fuckas gots guns on all of us, they following me. I gonna get a law suit on them. They tried to kidnap me in my sleep, so I gonna sue 'em."
At this point a young hoodlum boy tells her to, "shut the hell up and sit yo fat ass down, you crazy ass bitch!" The woman gets right up in this man's face and starts yelling, "You one of them ain'tcha! You got a gun in your bag boy? Just try and kidnap me, I will sue you and get your money." It was hard for me to keep a straight face and not laugh out loud.
The woman went on and on and at every stop the train made, she would wave her hands towards window and say, "I know you see me! Hello CIA and FBI, I knows you watching me! I know you have guns pointed at me, but you can't shoot me cause I gonna sue you and get all yo money."
At the next stop, another young man gets on the train, he is dressed very nicely and looks like a really stand up citizen and the woman starts shrieking and screeching, "He's got a gun in his bag!" Now since the man just got on the train he doesn't know that she has been crazy like this since she got on, so he gets really nervous and keeps trying to tell her that he doesn't have a gun. Someone yells out to him, "The bitch is fucking nuts dude, relax, she is just insane and has been yelling like this for 20 minutes."
We get to the stop where the police department does security sweeps of the train with bomb dogs (they do this every single day at the same exact stop) and the conductor announces that, "We will be stopping momentarily for our routine security sweep." The woman losses it and goes balls to the wall crazy, she runs off the train screaming, "They gonna get me! Them got guns on me, America has guns on me." So of course the police dogs start barking like mad and the police officers go running after her and the train erupts in uproarious laughter. I couldn't stop laughing at this crazy woman!

I just wish I had a recorder so that I could have taped what that woman was saying. She said some other pretty funny shit, but I just couldn't remember it all. Now I know that I need to keep a recorder in my purse in case of incidents like this!

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

28 comments:

Kelly said...

hahahaha! That's freaking great! I wish you would have had a camera... or something! LMAO!

Hammer said...

You run into the loveliest commuters. IOt must have been the alien chip implanted in her brain that made her crazy ;)

fatwonkkid said...

that would be a perfect youtube moment.

VE said...

Ah, if only you had a real looking squirt gun and fake FBI badge! How fun is that?!

George said...

Absolutely nuts but a word of caution. She is probably suffering a mental health issue and instead of being laughed at and having the cops running after her, she need help.

I know because I travelled the same path she is on, a couple of years ago. No it was not as bad as that was but it is fucking scary when you think that everybody is out to get you and you live for months with a single breath between you and death.

Sorry to spoil your day but for the past 2 years I have tried to point out to people who are afrais of those with mental health issues or those who laugh, that it isn't funny nor do you have anything to be afraid of.

Please, don't take it personally and of you, and you neither Jenn ... I would have laughed as well.

Sassy Blondie said...

Damn, Jenny! You attract the crazies like no one else (except maybe me!)! :)

*~*Cece*~* said...

I would've paid good money to see/hear some shit like that.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Are you sure you didn't walk into a movie set??

EmRocks said...

Lol.. Jen, I want to ride the L with you... Every time I take it I just get the nasty pervs or cracked out people, but not the fun ones, the ones that are like dead ha

ADW said...

Hell, I wish you would stop telling people stories about our first time meeting.

And for the record:
"Them mutha fuckas got guns on me right now and is trying to kidnap me. Help!"

BottleBlonde said...

Stop laughing at my mother.

Ashley said...

I love that! At least, too, that you got to have this fantastic experience and it didn't involve touching you in any way, shape, or form.

RevRee said...

I keep a recorder in my purse...I usually use it so people would stop looking at me when I talked to myself.

What?...

Yoda said...

Your stories persuade me to give up my job in the burbs and move to the City!

I hope they put the bitch in jail. 'coz that shit ain't funny in the NYC subway when you're trapped in a tunnel and someone's shouting guns. Too many people have guns these days!

Just Sayin' said...

But what if she's right??? I mean many is the morning I wake upo and think to myself...

"Them mutha fuckin' CIA's and FBI's got guns on me and is tryin' to kidnap me..."

Then I put on my tinfoil hat and go to work.

Remember... Just because you're paranoid... Don't mean they're not after you!

raffi said...

you should have told her "the aliens are coming to get you" and then smirked

Mike M said...

Makes you with you HAD a gun, huh?

captain corky said...

Gulp! They're watching me too.

Brian in Oxford said...

Today's trip is the "acid" trip.

"We take the drugs, you enjoy the ride"

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Ok you just had me in stitches!!! LOL

Tyler Durden said...

I need to get out of North Carolina.... I miss crazy people in the subway.

Stacie said...

awwww...that's so sad. I have a cousin with schizophrenia and thankfully is currently institutionalized, but when she was out, this was just the kind of shit she'd pull. It was so heartbreaking, because I remember her as a kid when she was "normal"
I hope she gets help.
Stacie

Michael5000 said...

No need to worry any further about this subject. We have neutralized her.

M5K
CIA/FBI Citizen Control Officer

captain corky said...

I miss us.

captain corky said...

Happy Halloween!

raffi said...

happy halloween!!

Christie said...

I feel like I am getting ripped off everytime I ride the train and no crazy shit happens. You are always the lucky one.

phishez_rule said...

Thankyou. I needed that laugh.