Thursday, June 14, 2007

Fire The Babysitters & Put Me In Traction


I am lucky to have two younger sisters (15 and 17) that are willing to babysit for my son...at no charge. Well, I do buy them alcohol, give them some spending money now and then, and let them drive my car on occasion, so not really "free" but not a charge by the hour kind of deal either. Maggie (15) is the most common babysitter because Emily (17) is lazy as shit and doesn't want to, "chase him and play and stuff" (imagine that said in a whiny, bratty, drone, the world hates me, I am so overworked, what have you done for me lately kind of tone). Maggie has my dad's genes, which basically means she is like a spawn of the devil sent directly from hell to make the world weep and angels die. Donovan and Maggie's relationship is very love-hate. They are either having a grand ole time giggling and being silly or yelling at each other. I have explained to Maggie on several occasions, that she is getting into arguments with a TWO YEAR OLD...he will win every time and you come off looking stupid!

So, twice a week Don goes to work and leaves our precious child in the hands of either the devil spawn or the girl that wouldn't run out of a burning building because she was waiting for the fireman to arrive and carry her to safety. I should say that I do trust my sisters to take care of Donovan and they do a great job with him. That said, my problem with "free" babysitters is that they don't feel obligated to do anything but the basic childcare. Now, I am not asking for a babysitter-maid-dry cleaners in one type of a deal, but a little respect for my house some common decency would be nice. I am a tad bit OCD/anal retentive about cleaning my house...my house is like my temple, and cleaning is my meditation. On my way home from work on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Don's work days) I am always anxious about opening up my front door to see what kind of shit-storm has hit my temple.

All I want is for people to do a few simple things to save my sanity...take off your shoes, put shit back (everything has a home), clean up crumbs from counters and floors when you create them, put food that you are done with either in the trash or back in the fridge, put the little plastic stoppers in the sippy cups, don't leave empty water bottles or cans laying around, turn down radio volume before turning it off, throw dirty diapers in the trash instead of leaving in his room for hours, don't eat all of the cookies I made and just basically, clean up after yourself.

Is that too much to ask???

I know that I don't pay them but I am also not asking them to polish the silver or scrub my undies...I just want them to leave things the way they found them. I was a superb babysitter...paid highly for my services. I would take excellent care of the children and leave the house cleaner then when I got there. So, what that I drank their liquor, used their phone, peeked in their cabinets and had sex on their couch...I took damn good care of those kids and left the house spotless!

So, yesterday I came home to a monstrous mess and I was of course jonesing to clean instantly, but resisted and thought I should start the laundry first. I got all the laundry together and was hauling the basket over the child gate on our back porch stairs, when Donovan decided that it would be fun to throw a ball down the stairs after me, causing me to trip and come so so close to busting my shit. I managed to not end up in traction (a miracle really) and not drop one sock from the basket! If felt as if the world was out to get me yesterday, first my sisters trashing my temple and then my own son trying to kill me.

I survived...by cleansing my temple and throwing the ball back at Donovan's head!
I should also add that I love my sisters dearly, appreciate the fact that they are willing to watch their nephew for free and that I am not being disrespectful and mean, that is just how we are...ask them and they will tell you some wicked things about me!

52 comments:

zen wizard said...

If I had a kid named "Donovan," I would kick him outdoors and tell him to "try and catch the wind."

James said...

Blimey if I was your sister and you insulted me like that I would tell you were to stick your babysitting.

I think if you expect a professional baby sitting service you should pay the going rate for one to your sisters.

Yeh, I'm sticking up for your sisters give them fair working conditions.

I hope they appreciate my support.

NB: Can you tell in the past I have been required to do free sitting services for the family

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Please tell me that you don't buy Maggie (15) alcohol while also letting her drive your car. ;-0

Jenny! said...

Zen:
Good idea!

Jenny! said...

James:
That is how we are...we insult each other endlessly...you should hear the beastly things they say about me. I don't expect professional service/cleanliness...i expect common decency...don't shit in other people's houses. I have no complaints with the way they treat my son, but really, do you need to be so slobbish???

Jenny! said...

Cherry:
Um, no way! She doesn't even have a license so she no drive my car.

Jenny! said...

James:
Is what I am asking that ovrely ridiculous...for humans to treat other peoples houses with respect...are you saying because I don't pay them its okay for someone to leave a gallon of milk on the counter for hours, spill juice on the floor and not at least throw a paper towel on it?

Fever Dog said...

I don't think the things you expect from them are at all unreasonable -- and in return they can feel free to have sex on your couch!

Jenny! said...

FeverDog:
Absolutely a fair trade! They can do whatever they want on my couch (pretty sure they already have)...as long as they don't leave love stains behind!!!

Variant E said...

I'm telling those people you had sex and drank their liquor!!

Jenny! said...

Variant:
They already know about the liquor...they offered it up (I was 21, they aren't like perve babysitter rapists)...but the sex....well...please don't tell!

captain corky said...

I just hope you move the couch when you vacuum. I've met plenty of people who claim to be clean until I discover their dirty little secrets while I'm painting rooms in their homes.

Sarah said...

I would totally scrub your undies for ya!

Yoda said...

For all you know, they are having sex on your couch too!!

Yoda said...

AND

Leaving it the way it is? What you should do is get one of those bio-lumniscent sprays from CSI and spray your entire house and see where all the semen stains are. I betcha you'll be surprised!

snowelf said...

I don't know, if I was 15-17, and all I had to do was take care of my own flesh and blood, could get away from my parents, have a friend over,and score free food, I think I'd be all about that. Plus, it's only twice a week... I don't think it's such a bad gig. Plus it rocks that you don't have to pay a sitter. I don't think it's too much to ask that for a few hours your sisters act like responsible people. They have plenty of their own free time to slack!

--snow

Paul Champagne said...

Okay ... let me get this straight ... you feed alcohol to your 15-yr old sister and let her drive your car so that she will babysit your kid??????????

Lucien Modo said...

Hooooooooo.... You sound fun! Are you not at all embarrassed by this post?

First time here... and last.

Ashley said...

If I was your babysitter, I would have done your laundry and vacuumed for you too. I always hated babysitting in an untidy house.

I have to tell you, though, unless it is your mom, you are getting what you pay for!

Hammer said...

Yeah everyone dumps crap in my house and just walks off. It gets me pissed as well.

Well..at least donovan is taken care of.

Michael C said...

I've taken a more than a few tumbles trying to get around my twins. For babysitting, we're fortunate to have the retired in-laws minutes from us...Woo Hoo!!

Jenny! said...

Snow:
Thank you for really understanding. I am not unreasonable, I do not give my sister alchol and borrow the car at the same time, it is a good gig, there are perks!

Jenny! said...

Captain:
I do like ot push the dust bunnies under the couch...but I can guarantee that if someone was coming to my house and the couch had to be moved, I would clean beforehand!

Jenny! said...

Sarah:
Thanks, a true friend! I would scrub yours as well!

Jenny! said...

Yoda:
I bet I will need ot move!

Jenny! said...

Paul:
For such a smart guy, you can't really read well. I never said that the alcohol and car is involved at the same time. The 15 yr. old doesn't have a license, so no she does not drive the car...without a licensed driver. I on occasion will by them liquor...I would rather do that then have them "find" it somewhere else, that way I know what they have, where they are and it's much safer this way then the alternative. Alcohol is never provided when they are watching my son.

Jenny! said...

Ashley:
Thanks! I would return the favor and clean for you as well!

However, the "get what you pay for" is a little inaccurate...Is it too much to ask that people show common decency, I think this is one of the problems wiht youth today...they have no sense of responsiblity or respect. Yes, they are not being paid hourly, but there are perks, yes, I am a bit anal, but not unreasonable when they are doing me a favor. If we don't require youngsters to have any responsibilities, theyend up like Paris Hilton, that is just no okay with me. If you spill something, you clean it up whether you are being "paid" to or not. If I spill something at your house, would it be okay for me to just leave it there??? You aren't paying me...but isn't it respectful to clean up after yourself???

Sorry, I am pissed off...this isn't directed at you.

Jenny! said...

Modo:
Hoooooooooo...you sound like you have a stick up your ass! No, I am not embarrased by this post, why would I be! You can kindly fuck off!

Jenny! said...

Hammer:
As long as the kids taken care of that's all that really matters. But why can't teenagers have any sense of responsibility. I think people are completly missing my point on this post and its probably b/c of my "cruel" words towards my sisters...I can tell you this...we are all very sarcastic "mean" girls and that is how we roll...so to speak. They are both just as I described and they own up to that...in fact, Emily was the one who said that she's so lazy she would wait for the fireman...we all have our weaknesses and all three of us are fully aware of what they are and don't deny, we make fun of each other. My sisters read my blog post about this...and were dying laughing!

Jenny! said...

Michael C:
I couldn't even begin to imagine dodging two!

Em said...

Do your sisters babysit for anyone else? Cos then they'll learn if you don't respect your hosts house, you don't get paid and you don't get asked back. I know you've got an informal family arrangement but it sounds like they need a bit of a kick up the arse - they've got a good deal, they're older sis is prepared to give them the run and sup a bit of booze (god know's why everyone finds that so scandalous, better you than someone else, better they learn their limits as they go through their teens, before they hit 21 at uni and get smashed every night...oh, hang on, I did that...;)). I think you either need to pay them or punish them. Oh, btw, your boy is gorgeous.

Heart Of Darkness said...

The pic cracked me up, because that's something I might have done! LOL

I'm lousy with children... just as Crashy!

R. Nixon said...

Jenny,

You sure sound like the kind of dumb fuck that gives dumb fucks a bad name.

You sound like a typical 'I want, I want.' spoiled brat. The reason your sisters are jerks I imagine, is because you are all from the same gene pool*.

* Look it up fuckwit

Melissa B. said...

I agree. If you are not happy then the simple solution is to not use them like slave labour and pay someone to look after your kid. You whiney bitch.

Steph said...

See you're lucky you're not in Australia. The union would be all over your arse for making a minor work without pay. Haaaaa!

And by the way, you need to ban anon comments, cowardly fucks will take the oppertunity to bitch at you.

Grow some balls you pair of festering twats!!

Melissa B. said...

Looks like you have some shit head friends to lend you plenty of support though.

Em said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Em said...

Nixon and Melissa:

What do you hope to achieve by swearing at your host? You're advocating Jenny appreciate her sisters, the least you could do to make your point is play nice (are either of you working mums?).

Are you harbouring some kind of resentment after being dropped on the head as a child? :P Maybe the pair of you should take up Buddhism..

Ratty. said...

Melissa B. said...
I agree. If you are not happy then the simple solution is to not use them like slave labour and pay someone to look after your kid. You whiney bitch.


What's the matter Melissa, not getting enough cock?

Jenny! said...

Em:
Thanks! What I am asking of them is something that you should never have to ask anyone...it is called common decency towards others...respect! Thank you for your support and backing...I appreciate it!

Jenny! said...

Heart of Darkness:
So you lousy with kids? But do you clean up after yourself??? Your hired!

Jenny! said...

Nixon:
Thanks for stopping by! I would rather be a dumbfuck than a cowardly ass pussy bitch!

Jenny! said...

Melissa:
Wow, whiny bitch...that hurts! I am so glad that your highly intellectual mind allows you to make such swift judgements about others, but doesn't allow yourself to be judged. You seem to be of the same gene pool as me, like Nixon said...a dumb fuck!

Jenny! said...

Steph:
Thanks! If the festering twats were to actually grow some balls that would mean that they would have to open themselves up to criticism and since they are pussy cowardly cunts...that will never happen! Thanks for the tips!

Jenny! said...

Melissa:
It's one thing to come to my blog and disagree with me, however disrespectful you are to me, you don't need to be a bitch to my commenters, they didn't write the post, so why don't you crawl back into the shit hole you call your life and fuck off!

Jenny! said...

Em:
Thank you so much for being so ballsy! I love it!

Jenny! said...

Ratty:
Pretty sure that the last cock Melissa got was her dads!

James said...

Jenny,

I was as ever been a little tongue in cheek. I know from reading your posts you are very much the same too.

Looking at your comments it appears a few people on here haven't got the intelligence to figure that out though.

Jenny! said...

James:
Thanks!

Paul Champagne said...

jenny ... It may not have said the alcohol and driving and babysitting were at the same time ... but it didn't say they weren't.

just busting your chops ... luv ya anyway.

Jenny! said...

Paul:
Tru dat...you have yourself an good point there!

I enjoy a good hearted ball busting! Love ya right back!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Okay for being stuck in a dead end job, but I don't think you wanna hire me - nor would I very much wanna be hired for that.

I do clean up after myself, but the problem might be, come with two children, leave with a half...

Still interested? :D