Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Tribute To Sperm

It’s a lot more fun to become a father than to be one!

Happy Father's Day!

I am amazed by the human bodies ability to reproduce, a miracle really,
and this is my tribute to the awe inspiring sperm,
which help to make miracles possible!

Sperm are some of the most extraordinary cells of the body, a triumph of efficient packaging, sleek design and super specialization. Sperm are extremely compact, and when sent into the forbidding environment of the female reproductive tract, they will learn on the job and change their search strategies and swim strokes as needed! Sperm are also fast and as cute as tadpoles. They have chubby teardrop heads and stylish, tapering tails, and they glide, slither, bumble and do figure-eights. A dad, from puberty onward, is pretty much a nonstop sperm bakery. In each ejaculation you can find around 150 million sperm! But out of those 150 million, only about 15% are "perfect" for baby making. Some have pinheads, others have two heads, some lack tails, a third don’t move at all.

The model sperm has three basic body segments. The head, which is a super condensed tangle of 23 chromosomes. At the tip of the sperm head is the acrosome, a specialized sack of enzymes that help the sperm penetrate through the barrier of ancillary cells and connective tissue that surrounds the ripe, ready egg. Below the head is the mid piece, which is packed with the tiny engines called mitochondria that lend the sperm its motility, and below the mid piece is the tail, a bundle of 11 entwined filaments that thrashes and propels a sperm forward.

Sperm do not really hit their stride until they are deposited in the female reproductive tract, at which point chemical signals from the vaginal and cervical mucus seem to spark them to life. They at first swim straight ahead, torpedo-style like they are 18 and off to college! If an egg has burst from its ovarian follicle and been plucked by a fallopian tube, sperm can sense its signature scent. The sperm become hyperactive, switching to a crazed figure-eight motion ideal for busting through barriers. The ovum eggs them on, signaling some to play the sacrificial kamikaze and explode their enzyme sacks prematurely, loosening the corridor for other, shapelier sperm to pass through intact. A few dozen fine-figured sperm find their way to the final barrier, the egg’s plasma membrane, where they waggle with all their crazy-eight might and beg to be chosen — but only one will be taken!

Happy Father's Day to all the great sperm that made it through and to those sperm that gave their lives for the cause!

72 comments:

Michael C said...

Is it me or do those sperms (or is the plural sperm or spermies) look quite similar to the black and pink frog from yesterday. I thought your post today was a two parter at first.

Jeannie said...

I love the last cartoon!

I learned a little from this post...you failed to mention how the boy sperms are faster than the girls but they pup out earlier...I suppose there are a lot of interesting facts

It is pretty miraculous when you figure the odds of any one of us being made just as we are.

Ratty. said...

Jenny, Sperm - is that the same as spunk?

Jenny! said...

Michael C:
Those spermies totally match my frog...I love it!

Jenny! said...

Jeannie:
Right, funny shit! Sperm blow my mind...there is so much I left out, but didn't want to bore everyone with! Your right about that though, the boys are fast, but burn out and the girls are slow but steady!

Jenny! said...

Ratty:
Yes...spunk, splooge, jizz, cum semen, ejaculate, skeet, jism, spooge, load, man juice, baby batter, nut, cock come, pussy juice, man milk, cream, cumshot, juice, slut wad, seamen,baby gravy, goo, head, love juice, seminal fluid and many many more!

Baba Ganoush said...

WOW, more than I ever needed to know about sperm. I made it through High School Sex Ed and College Human Sexuality without retaining any of the knowledge. Thanks for that.

The cartoon was hilarious!!!

Yoda said...

Such a perfect design to ensure procreation! Its a shame that I'll be wasting probably a million of these today being washed down the drain.

:-p

Paul Champagne said...

What about a tribute to the wonderous ova ... without which the sperm would be lost.

Jenny! said...

Baba:
You can never know too much about sperm! So w/o retaining any info about sex, do you know how to use it???

Jenny! said...

Yoda:
It makes me feel a little bad when they are wasted...all they want is the egg...but no, they get a wet drain, wet mouth, or wet ass instead! Poor spermies!

Jenny! said...

Paul:
So true, the female reproductive system is amazing as well, I will save that for next mother's day! It will take a bit more research than the sperms!

jungle jane said...

The sperms with two tails would account for my next door neighbour, then...

Yoda said...

Then there are those times when the poor sperm are ruthlessly murdered by spermicide in the condoms!!

VAGINA DENTATA said...

Jenny I think it might be in the interest of civilization that you be sterilized.

Jenny! said...

JJ:
They would also account for all of those taking the short bus and wearing helmuts! Gezz...I think I am officially one step into hell!

Jenny! said...

Yoda:
My heart is weeping for all the senseless murders of sperm everywhere!

Gardener Greg said...

Well thank you for the tribute to my sperm. I loved the cartoon too. I have all the kids I want, maybe I should donate to a sperm bank. lol thanks for the post.

zen wizard said...

Now that I think of it, it is so much fun producing them that we should maybe forgoe the ritual where we buy the father a polyester clip-on tie or a coffee cup that says, "World's Greatest Dad" every year.

Supposedly, sperm makes a great face cream. I mean, did you see the Tony Awards? Have you ever seen such healthy complexions as the guys accepting the awards? Their might be something to it.

Jenny! said...

Vagina:
Your just jealous that you can't produce fine looking specimines!

Jenny! said...

Greg:
You're welcome! Sperm deserves some credit on occasion! Congrats on having kids...it means you have some mighty fine swimmers!

Jenny! said...

Zen:
That is why I never buy Father's Day gifts...think of all the fun they had making me...he got his gift 25 years ago!

Hammer said...

I've read a theory that sperm used to be a symbiotic relaionship by animals and single celled organisms that learned to carry DNA and fertilize eggs.

The whole process is pretty amazing.

Jenny! said...

Hammer:
That sounds complicated, but very amazing!

Flyinfox_SATX said...

Excellent post and tribute! As a Dad I completely accept your compliments for Father's day.

Very interesting information on Sperm! Love it!

Flyinfox_SATX

Jenny! said...

FlyinFox:
I knew you would love it! Happy baby making day!

:phil: said...

I won't ask how you are such an exspurt but you know sperm.

I just thought of a funny T-shirt. Instead of those "Got Milk" ones with the milk moustache, well you may catch my drift

Jenny! said...

Phil:
Great idea...I am going to steal that idea and go patten that right now!

I work in a sperm bank on the weekends and study the motilitiy patterns of splooge!

VAGINA DENTATA said...

I has the long rubber tube!

1 Simply insert rubber tube end (A) into anus (C) or vagina (D). Place rubber tube end (B) into mouth.
2 Suck like a cunt.
3 Sperm (Daddie's*) comes throttling up the tube.
4 Spit sperm into pickle jar. (Use mesh over the top if sperm is retrieved from (C) to remove shit (E))

*Americans only

VAGINA DENTATA said...

Jenny said...

'I work in a sperm bank on the weekends and study the motilitiy patterns of splooge!'

Does someone pick you up and shiggle it out of you? Or do you use the Acme Lovlace SoftScoop method?


Just wondering like...

Jenny! said...

Vagina:
Flip and shake is the prefered method!

Jenny! said...

Vagina:
Just curious why there is a picture (edited) and my profile posted on your blog...if you can call it that?

RAFFI said...

sperm is the coolest invention next to canned spam. i guess i can be considered a big sperm since i revel once i get the hint of a vagina or cervix.

Jenny! said...

Raffi:
You go at torpedo speed when vaginal fluids are sniffed...good to know!

VAGINA DENTATA said...

Ha! It is you that have the edited picture and I who have the real one!

Deny it I dare you!

Jenny! said...

Vagina:
I won't play along.

mutleythedog said...

Radioactive sperms glow blue-ish in the dark!!

Big Pissy said...

My job is DNA collection specialist for a lab.

We determine paternity.

I may use this as a hand out the next time some dumb ass asks me how he could POSSIBLY be the father! *L*

VAGINA DENTATA said...

Mutley the Dog!!!?

Well Well. How strange to see you here! Are you acquainted? It seems that you must be.


Jenny
Don't play. See if I care!

George said...

Jenny ... great post, but if you ever want to see how sperm really behave, they are featured in the movie The Mating Habits of the Earth Bound Human ... check it out.

Shibari said...

ok I have never really put this much thought into sperm before. But I have to say that you definitely educated me. Well in the brain sense! Hope you are having an awesome day!

captain corky said...

I enjoy producing Sperm. Sometimes up to 6 times a day.

Jenny! said...

Mutley:
How do you know??? Have you checked you sheets with a black light lately???

Jenny! said...

Vagina:
I would play...but only if we play nice!

Jenny! said...

Big Pissy:
I was curious what your profession was, I saw it posted but wasn't sure if that just was collection saliva swabs or what. That's kind of a fun job?

Jenny! said...

George:
Thanks for visiting! I love movies like that they are so intersting...wait...it isn't porn is it???

Jenny! said...

Shibari:
I hope you are having a great day too! I am glad that you learned a bit about sperm...our friends from down south!

Jenny! said...

Captain:
You are actually producing sperm every minute of the day...they just are ready to inpregnate, what did you say...six times a day!!!

snowelf said...

I have always thought they were cute too!

I have always found it amazing that fertilization occurs at all with the odds stacked against those adorable little sperms.

--snow

And Yoda, just think of it as "population control". You're just doing your part! :)

Big Pissy said...

it is collection by swabbing...

and it's never boring! ;-)

Malnurtured Snay said...

It's also a lot more fun then becoming a mom, I bet. (Or at least, a lot less painful).

Heart Of Darkness said...

Whoa, the tribute to sperm... and from a girl... now I've seen it all! LOL

Nice site, BTW

mollymcmo said...

LMAO! i liked that!!
and the end tonsil bit just made it all that more better! :)

m

Mike M said...

What a great testament, Jenny!!.

Dr Love couldn't have said it even close to how good you did and you represented the male "torpedo" with grace and class.

I love the picture joke at the end!!

I'm a proud father again!!!

Jenny! said...

Snow:
Population control...he he he! They are so cute! Honestly, it blows my mind that people get pregnant, cuz it is so fricking complicated and amazing!

Jenny! said...

Big Pissy:
Cool, like swabbing the mouth???

Jenny! said...

Snay:
Making the baby is so much more fun than birthing the baby!!! But when you birthing that 8 pounder, the last thing on your mind is procreating again!

Jenny! said...

Heart Of Darkness:
Thanks for the comment! It's only appropriate pay homage to the mighty sperm! They deserve credit for baby making too!

Jenny! said...

Molly:
The funny at the end was like the icing on the cake for me! I loved it and couldn't resist!

Jenny! said...

Mike M:
You should be proud...think of what your little torpedos have accomplished! And, I am overflowing wiht grace and class!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Sometimes I wonder how I could have been the fastes one out of a million... bet 90% of those I beat were male, and therefor got lost, inable to ask to swimming-directions... :)

ryc: www.asos.com - if you feel like buying...! :)

Dan said...

Is Father's Day upon us already. This will be my first since Dad died before Christmas. :(

But he'll be in my thoughts, as always.

Jenny! said...

Heart of Darkness:
Right...you must have been a fast swimmer with a good sac of fluid!

Jenny! said...

Dan:
I think that Father/Mother's day is an overrated Hallmark Holiday, shouldn't we be grateful for our parents everyday??? Your dad knows your thinking of him...everyday!

MyUtopia said...

LOL, great post!

5 of 9er said...

Now that is a post! Not a dad yet... but hopefully one day. :)

Variant E said...

The great thing about sperm? They don't scream over a toy in the store at the top of their lungs!

BEAST said...

I WAS enjoying my scrambled eggs on toast until I started reading this........

Jenny! said...

MyUtopia:
Thanks, I thought so too!

Jenny! said...

5 of 9er:
Take care of those spermies...keep them at a temp 2 degress cooler than you body temp. Eat lots of veggies and stay away from Mt. Dew and tighty whities!

Jenny! said...

VariantE:
True true true...in fact they are much cheaper and self sufficient!

Jenny! said...

Beast:
You should still enjoy your eggs, they aren't filled with sperm...they are unfertilized chickens!