Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Best Birth Control Is Poo!

Donovan is too young to know about birth control usage, so he takes measures into his own hands. He is desperate to not have any siblings and will do whatever it takes to ensure that he is the one and only! The last two nights he has been like a wild ass monkey at bedtime. We put him to bed at normal time, he is quite (faking it) for like 10 minutes before he starts yelling and jumping. We try to ignore him, but when his yelling and goofiness becomes bloody murder screaming - which I think our very close neighbors must enjoy - we need to go in his room and do the routine again.


Last night, he was bouncing and being happy, so we left him be. We sat on the balcony and then decided to take a shower, he was still jumping like a monkey, rocking his crib back and forth, spring action going on, but still a happy monkey...not the poo throwing monkey...at least not yet. We were enjoying our shower, getting all soaped up and such, when he starts screaming! I get out of our very nice warm, soapy shower to go attend to the child/beast that doesn't get that I am on birth control and no siblings will happen anytime soon! I open the door to his room and I am hit with a wave of shit stink. He jumped the shit right out of his ass! Damn gravity! I was gagging as I cleaned his ass and the last thing I wanted to do was have another baby or even partake in the fun of making a baby.

He seemed victorious...but no...I sprayed perfume directly up my nose and tried to wipe the poo out of my mind. In the end...we were victorious!


I found the picture below while searching for a funny picture to add to the post...and this just ended up pissing me off. I use birth control and I am not killing babies. Birth control pills are designed to fake ovulation, so that your body thinks it has ovulated when in fact no egg has been expelled into the fallopian tubes. How is that killing babies if the sperm and egg never meet? No fertilization = no embryo = no baby = no murder! Would supporters of this extreme campaign say that periods kill babies too, those unfertilized eggs end up being flushed down the toilet with the rest of the blood! I hate when things are taken to extremes. I will be extreme as well here, and say that I would support mandatory sterilizations of these people!

I then found this while searching...I like this one!

19 comments:

The inside of me said...

There are some people out there that feel that it is your god directed duty to try to fertilize every egg and make a baby so yes your period to them is considered killing babies if you didn't in fact try to get pregnant.

Of course these are the same people that are holding a starving baby in one hand while they fuck to make another one. They have children lined up at eatch breast waiting for their share of the milk.

Most people don't know about the 11th comandment which says, thou shall not keep having babies if thou can't feed the ones thou has

I seem to remember that one. Great post Jenny

jungle jane said...

Just think of all the fun you can have when you are 95 years old and wearing adult diapers. you can totally get him back, Jenny!

James said...

I think reading this post is quite a good contraceptive too. I don't like the sound of those pooey kids. Do they all do that?

Still at least you got some action in the end.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

It's certainly not murdering babies, that idea comes from older ideas that the sperm was a homunculus.
Birth control would be a great idea if it was practised universally by everyone to the same degree.
As it is those who really SHOULDN'T have children don't use it, whereas those who should have children, use it most.

Jenny! said...

Inside of Me:
Dude...I fucking LOVE your 11th commandment!

Jungle Jane:
Ahhh, sweet revenge!

James:
Yep, everyone poops!

Crushed:
Tru Dat! You are so knowledgable!

Yoda said...

You showed Donovan who's mom!!! Wipe that shit off your mind and get busy :-) Hell, by the time you have another one, will Donovan be old enough to clean poo off the younger sibling? LOL!

I have a sister who's 2 yrs younger to me. So, theoretically we both could've thrown poo at mom! Its a good thing I grew up fast!

(I shall leave the birth control morons to themselves)

Jenny! said...

Yoda:
Oh, he will be changing diapers for sure!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Can I jump in the shower with you? I'd be happy to wash your naughty bits.

snowelf said...

Jenny! As a birth controlled mommie, I love this post!! My son had the same issues about bedtime--though he never had a poop issue, luckily!! Finally he surrendered, but it took a few weeks of "testing his screaming limits." Now, one book, ball blankie, and he settles right in.

And yea, that ad just pissed me off too. And the people who get all high and mighty about the morning after pill--they can f off too.

--snow

Keshi said...

ROFL I love this one!

:):)
Keshi.

Keshi said...

And nah I aint cleaning any Poo...not yet!

Keshi.

Em said...

Mm....good post lady...definately one to get the hairs up....(sorry to hear about Donovan misbehaving - a sock full of sand used to work for my parents....sorry, sorry, joke!)

Mm, what a childish campaign...(fitting in a way). Makes me angry, as someone on birth control for a number of reasons, the primary one being I could not provide for a child, which I believe is the most important thing a human being can do within their lifetime. Do it right, I mean. Meanwhile, women on any form of birth control lay themselves open to greater risk of cancer and heart desease as a result of mucking around with hormones. Shouldn't really say this but I'd rather get cancer than not be able to provide all the love, support and dosh necessary to bring up a sprog.

mm, time for a Bill Hicks quote:

"If you're so pro-life, do me a favor: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries."

Sassy Blondie said...

Damn, Jenny! Maybe you should show him the pills Mommy takes to ensure he is her entire world? lolol He's still a cutey though!

Kelly said...

my birthcontrol: spend 5 minutes with my sister's youngest. After about the 2nd liter of drool all ovr me... I am sure to cross my legs. ick.

mutleythedog said...

One up the bum - no harm done! Very useful contraceptive!!

Jenny! said...

Dykerson:
That would be the only way I would touch your dirty ass...you would need a real good scrubbing 1st!

Snow:
I love Rage Snow! Bedtime is usually so easy, no fuss, no muss! But occasionally he is bonkers!

Keshi:
I am glad you enjoyed it! I am not a fan of poo duty!

Em:
I completely agree with you! People should not have children until they can afford to take care of them, or until they are ready! They especially shouldn't have more if they are already struggling. I also think that birht control should be more affordable!

Sassy:
I could, but I still don't think he would care!

Kelly:
That is a fantastic birth control plan! I think we should stick high school kids wiht the worst children on earth for a week...i bet we wouldn't have that many high school parents anymore!

Mutley:
Tru dat! That is a great plan, we should start a campaign!

Fever Dog said...

Wow. That's really very extreme.

Jenny! said...

FeverDog:
Crazy people!

honkeie2 said...

It takes us over an hour to get our hairless howler monkey to bed each night. i wonder if giving them nyquil to go to sleep is illegal?