Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Strip Clubs to Strip Malls

I am sure everyone has heard of the hot new phenomenon called stripaerobics...and if you haven't...where the fuck have you been! Out of the strip clubs and into the strip malls! Classes in striptease, pole dancing and lap dancing are "popping" up (bad boner joke...sorry couldn't resist) around the country for women who want to learn to look hot and sexy while they burn calories. This could be a healthy reawakening of the seductress that lays dormant in some females, or further evidence of the over-sexualization or "stripperization" of American girls and women. Flirty Girl Fitness (featured picture below) has opened in Chicago and they are going to franchise further with classes such as "Chair Striptease," "Hottie Body Boxing," "Booty Beat" and, of course, "Pole dancing."


Every female from every walk of life can do this: doctors, attorneys, pharmacists, police officers, fast food managers, and housewives. But the question isn't can they take these classes...it's should they? Women from 18 through 100 can take classes and this really turns my stomach. I think that unexperienced tarts should leave the stripping and pole dancing to the professional poontang-cuntcakes. This could cause job insecurity for strippers everywhere...that would be a travesty, they may have to find real work like flipping burgers and filet-o-fish at McDonald's or performing rusty trombones, chili dogs, strawberry shortcakes and Cleveland steamers in the alley for $5!

If wives are "empowered" to drag their cum dumpsters up and down the pole at home, why would husbands go shove dollar bills down some dumb skanks twat when they can get it for free at home? All that snatch and cooter on the poles of these fitness clubs could create a new STD! Think of the horror that will develop from stripaerobics!!! I propose a ban!
I want you all to take a minute to imagine someone who should NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER strip or pole dance...then imagine a room full of them working their sexual groove back!

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree leave it to the professionals and support the early and often

Anonymous said...

That was me and I meant to support them THEM, not the. lol Oops.
Don

Jenny! said...

How did I guess! Bad grammar...must be Don! Why early???

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Do you know, I've never actually been in a strip club, or a lap dancing club, even though for years I had a free entry pass that I'd been given to one that was actually nextdoor to the building I worked in.

I'd like to say that's because I'm such a moral guy, but it's not.

To me the concept is a little tame.

Jenny! said...

Crushed:
I imagine strippers would be a bit boring for you!

La Cremiere said...

I recognise the old man from America's got Talent! Geez have you seen him strut his stuff, it's sinfully 'Ewww'.

Jenny! said...

Le Cremiere:
I have never seen that show...I don't imaging him knocking the ladies dead with his stripper skills!

Yoda said...

I would pay good money for my GF to go attend this!! Who wants a stripper when your GF is a great cumbag?? LOL!!

Men of the world, rejoice! Competition always brings the prices down.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I'd like to volunteer to be the pole.

blog Portland said...

I'm willing to go under the employ of such a company to be the guy who officially determines if you're hot enough to take the class.

Mike M said...

What a sick, sick picture you paint. I am never going to a strip bar again!!!

They sell home kits!! Poles and everything!! A few friends went out and got them and installed it in their rooms.

I knew this craze was coming. Why couldn't it wait until I am blind?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Well, when you're used to Amsterdam...

Is this likely to take off?

Cappy said...

Who knew Alex Trebec had a part-time job?

snowelf said...

Wow...you guys hate the idea?
Really? I would absolutely LOVE to learn how to do this for a guy. I think it would be fun and freakin' hot as hell. I wouldn't want to do it at home, but for a guy in my bedroom--I'd totally bring it. Plus, I want those shoes in the first pic. Those shoes are hot too.

--snow

Em said...

Think of someone who shouldn't do it? Well, when it comes to women, the only limit is the one they place on themselves. An erotic striptease - or any erotic move - is more about attitude than just the body. With the right attitude, any woman could pull off a great job of pulling it off.

michael5000 said...

I think the key to the "Blog This!" experience is the contrast between the stuff on the left side of the screen and the stuff on the right.

So, like: "Poontang-cuntcakes..." uh-huh... "rusty trombones..." yep... "cum dumpsters..." OK.... Awww, look at those cute pictures of her adorable little boy!

Keshi said...

LOL so funny!

**stripaerobics

I mite take it up...but then when wasnt I doing it anyways.

Keshi.

snowelf said...

Er--I mean I wouldn't want to do it in public. :P

--snow

jungle jane said...

ohhhhh i wonder if there is an age limit to these classes? I might take my mum and my granny along - family bonding, yanno. Lets hope they allow video cameras in...

Em said...

Hmm...I like your consideration for the stripping profession - that's very nice of you...and I kind of simpathise...and how would all those fit young thangs be able to afford college...?

But still, I like the idea of anyone being taught body confidence and sexy moves...Its a pretty good sense of empowerment that you get from slinking around and watching your man squirm...and if these classes teach confidence (and people get a bit of exercise) then when not...?

Em said...

bollocks, I can't spell either (simpathise...? dear god...)

DoGGa said...

I know someone who goes to pole dancing keep fit lessons :)
Lucky husband LOL

Crashdummie said...

can't ppl just get the carmen electra working out DVD instead?

honkeie2 said...

Hell if all the house wives stop there men from going to strip clubs who is going to support single mothers?
But you know that old saying:
'Why should I go out for burgers when I have stake at home?'
But who the hell wants to eat stake every night?

Kelly said...

I would so learn how to do this... however...Did you see the women in the photo? They all look like white trash who need showers...

that just would not be sexy...

And who is that guy!?!?! omg!

I know this lady that is probably 65ish and took belly dancing classes. She had the whole outfit and everything. She asked me to take it with her... I refused as I was afraid my eyeballs would catch on fire from seeing her in the outfit shaking her ass and giggling her belly. GAG!

Michael 5000---So funny... so true!

istanbultory said...

Jenny,
"poontang-cuntcakes". Wow. There's a phrase you can't find in the Oxford English dictionary. By the way, are "strawberry shortcakes" a form of cuisine unique to the Mid-West?
Let's leave the stripping to the babes....and the poontang-cuntcakes.

Jeannie said...

Hilarious - just yesterday I was talking to someone who mentioned a certain gym nearby that teaches stripaerobics - in stilettos! I don't think I could even stand in such shoes any more. Back when I had the body, my husband was shocked and disgusted that I was interested in taking belly dancing. Imagine if I were to drop this one on him!

-Papa said...

After seeing some of those pictures and digesting some of the points you made I had to call out to a co-worker, "GET ME A BUCKET I THINK I'M GONNA PUKE!" ;p

Jenny! said...

Yoda:
That's true the competition aspect...soon you could be shoving quarters instead!

Jenny! said...

Dyckerson:
That positions has already been filled, but you could be the pole cleaner...it requires you to use only your tongue...are you intersted and it only pays $5.00 per pole!

Jenny! said...

Blog Portland:
Thats a great idea...to have a screener!

Jenny! said...

Mike M:
Sorry to ruin you affinity for strip clubs! So you have a bunch of kinky friends...whatother devices do they have in their bedrooms???

Jenny! said...

Crushed:
It already has taken off a bit, I am just slow with it all! They offer it at park districts!

Jenny! said...

Cappy:
Alex is a sexy man!

Jenny! said...

Snow:
I am not opposed to this...and I do think it would be hot...those shoes rock!

Jenny! said...

Em:
Absolutely it's abotu attitude! I actually think that this is good thing for some woman who may be a bit inhibited and will help their sexuality blossom and their relationship. I am not anti-strip class...just being funny!

Jenny! said...

M5K:
Yeah, I know...it could be a bit weird...but it's eclectic right? You get to see more sides of me this way!

Jenny! said...

Keshi:
I think it would be fun to take witha group of girlfriends!

Jenny! said...

Snow:
I figured as much! I would do this at home too, but not in public!

Jenny! said...

Jungle Jane:
There is no age restriction so you can take granny and have her learn some chair dancing skills...grandpa will be very happy...just make sure his pace makers working properly!

Jenny! said...

Em:
I think the classes are a great idea...woman can feel empowerd sexually and feel good about themselves! Oh, and I have the utmost respect for strippers...and porns stars!

Jenny! said...

Dogga:
He is!

Jenny! said...

Crashdummie:
I am pretty sure that Carmen Electras "work out" video is code for soft porn! The only thing that gets worked out is boners!

Jenny! said...

Honkeie2:
Tru dat! I do love me a good burger!

Jenny! said...

Kelly:
I think this class would be tons of fun to take with a group of your girlfriends. That was my whole point b/c those chicks were not all that cute...so that was the mental image stuck in my mind...seriously some people just shouldn't...and those that shouldn't probably wouldn't because they wouldn't have the self-confidence to sign up for the class anyway! I will take the class with you! Do you want pole or striptease???

Jenny! said...

Istanbultory:
It should be in the dictionary don't you think?

Jenny! said...

Jeannie:
You shouldn't tell him, then take the class...and shock the shit out of him one night!

Jenny! said...

Papa:
Sorry, i hope I didn't ruin strip clubs for you!

The inside of me said...

I have been in my share of seedy strip clubs. Remember that song by Chris Rock: "There is no sex in the champaign room." Yea right. I think if women want to dance like that who am I to stop them. Many of them have small children and my endless dollars are going to education. This new craze will hurt those working girls and eventually lead to the fall of society through lack of education for their children. Therefore I cannot support it.

Jenny! said...

Inside of Me:
Thank you! Think of the children that will go uneducated!

Mike M said...

Pocket Rockets, Ben Wah Balls and whips are the other toys they have.

Whatever floats their boats

Jenny! said...

Mike M:
Good choices!

Paul Champagne said...

So where are you taking your classes at ... and can I watch?

Jenny! said...

Paul:
I take my classes in my bedroom...and you are alwasy welcome to watch!

Fever Dog said...

Beth Ditto.

Paul Champagne said...

good ... I was afraid I was being a peeping tom last night but since I had permission ... i don't feel so bad.

Mike M said...

The pocket rocket is on the top of my list of toys I like to watch women play with :O)

Jenny! said...

Fever Dog:
Who's Beth???

Jenny! said...

Paul:
Is it less fun now that I have given you permission to watch...not as dirty???

Jenny! said...

Mike M:
I heard that can be a pretty good show!

Paul Champagne said...

Nah ... still as much fun ;)

Jenny! said...

Paul:
Good, wait til you see what I have in store for tonight!

Kelly said...

I want pole of course! Anyone can strip tease. Try sliding up and down that pole! I'm in.

Kelly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenny! said...

Kelly:
True, taking off your clothes isn't all that hard to do...and being sexy doing it isn't really challenging...but your right with the pole...some of those things are pretty tricky!