Friday, June 22, 2007

Why I Am Embarrased To Have A Vagina - Reason #969


I overheard the most annoying conversation between two card carrying vagina members today at lunch and it made me want to run to the doctor and have a sex change! There are many reasons why I hate being lumped into the vagina group: the drama, the gossip, the constant hair/nail/body talk, the weird diet habits, the fashion addictions, the fake tanning, the obsessive boy issues, and many many more. But today's little overheard conversation has got to be one of the biggest things I hate about females. I will be kindly referring to these girls as Tramp and Hussy and to the girl they are talking about as Hootchie.

Here's an exert from their conversation:

Tramp: Oh, me gawd Hussy...like do you know who I ran into the other night?
Hussy: Noooo, like who?
Tramp: Hootchie!
Hussy: Is Hootchie the girl who like slept with FratBoy that night at like the lake?
Tramp: Um, no, but she is like whack too....Hellllllooooo.....I am like talking about my frienemy...Hootchie!
Hussy: Oh!
Tramp: She is like, totally, like my ultimate frienemy! Of all time!
Hussy: Yeah, she is like such a poser!
Tramp: She is llike my number one frienemy!

So, once the frienemy bomb was dropped I choked on my lunch. They were talking loud enough for other patrons to hear them and it was then that I realized that I too had a vagina and needed to get the fuck out of there before they embarrassed me any more!
What the fuck is wrong with chicks?
Frienemy???
She's like a friend but an enemy at the same time! I hate this kind of girl thing...why do you think you have so much drama in your life...you have frienemies! I prefer to keep my friends and my enemies line very clear...there is no mixing of the two. I am so glad that I have a small group of great girls that I consider my friends, and a small group on enemies and nothing in between. I am also glad that the girlfriends I do have are nothing, nothing, nothing like these girls that give vaginal members of society a bad name! These are the girls that need to be face fucked so that they will keep their damn skanky mouths shut!


83 comments:

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Sounds a bizarre concept.

I just have friends and people I can't be arsed with.

snowelf said...

Gads! I think I might go to school with those girls.

They belong on a Sunsilk commercial.

I am so embarrassed of my gender...

--snow

Sarah said...

oh my god Jenny, I totally forgot to tell you about my Frienemy who like totally tried to steal my man and I was all no bitch and shewas like what hooker and then it just all went down.

Jenny! said...

Ingsoc:
And, that makes sense! Hence why I prefer males over females! Females make no fucking sense sometimes!

Jenny! said...

Snow:
It's actually the Nair commercials they belong in!

Jenny! said...

Sarah:
I hope you beat her ass!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I have about a dozen frenemies. It's the new cool thing.

Jenny! said...

Cherry Ride:
I am so not hip to the cool new things! Can I borrow a few of your frienemies???

jungle jane said...

I think the word enema should be changed to frenema.

Jenny! said...

JJ:
Ha ha ha! How is that you are so creative???

Kelly said...

You can have all my excess frienemies. Sloopy second frienemies. I am a receptionist, they come in abundance here. It is a part of the job description I think.

We should have a swap meet for frienemies. We could exchange all the nasty hos in our lives. You could bring the ones from lunch. (I think just using the term swap meet made me a redneck) And frenemas if preferred. I prefer a frenema to a frienemy.

Jenny! said...

Kelly:
I don't like sloppy seconds...especially in the case of frienemies! I would bend over for a frenema anyday if it was to avoid a frienemy!

ADW said...

I just freakin' hate everyone. No friends, just enemies.....

And, it is dumb hos like that that caused the invention of the bitch slap *whack*

blog Portland said...

I would have titled that picture "Attack of the Giant Sperm."

Mighty Dyckerson said...

"Know your frienema."

-Sun Tzu

chuckdaddy2000 said...

I wonder what the guy comparison is to the frienemy.

Would it be the guy who you think is a total asshole, but can't help like b/c they're funny as shit? AKA Frienhole

Or the guy you're friends w/, but you're almost too similar and end up competing unhealthily with? AKA Friendyakindarootagainst

And I'm really scared of this frienema thing that keeps on being talked about.

Cappy said...

Too complicated by half.

Flyinfox_SATX said...

Jenny,

Do you honestly believe that this guy would consider those two to be real women? Women we would want to date or be seen in public with?

Absolutely not! We keep them in the closet and use them when our hands get tired! C'mon!

Frenemy...Give me a break! Hey Tramp and Hussey, I got your frenemy right here!

Flyinfox_SATX

Mike M said...

OMG,frienemy!!!!

I have heard some pretty crazy things but "frienemy" has got to be the mark!

Here is the scary thing. It's a corporate term!! Old guys in business suits use it too!!

Check it out here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frienemy

Jenny! said...

ADW:
I hate everyone too! Damn hos! But I do enjoy a good bitch slap!

Jenny! said...

Blog Portland:
Yeah, they do look like giant sperm...but aren'tyou suppose to throw that at dumb girls too???

Jenny! said...

Mighty Dykerson:
Oh, I know my frenema!

Jenny! said...

Chuckdaddy2000:
You know you like the frenema! I do like frienhole - everybodys got one of those!

Jenny! said...

Cappy:
Just plain stupid!

Jenny! said...

FlyinFox:
Hey, does your hand get tired often??? If so, how many of these dumb skanks you keeping around???

Jenny! said...

MikeM:
Yeah, frienemy takes the cake for me as the most ridiculous slang word! I hate girls!

Michael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
michael5000 said...

How about the friends that, when you honestly think about it, you really couldn't give a shit about? Frienothings?

Ratty. said...

I have 3 friends - everyone else is just a fucking nuisance.

Beefcake Almighty said...

Just reading that conversation made me want to jam a bone-handled carving fork into my ears.

captain corky said...

You should have kicked their asses just out of principle! I, for one, would like to have seen it go down.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You should have face-fucked them with a cucumber.

La Cremiere said...

lol! Cool post. I get' ya, also don't feel proud to have to associate with girls like that. But blokes ain't any better, let me relate a conversation btw 2 colleagues last Monday; let's call them Horny and Indenial.

It is important here to explain that Horny 'thinks' he is all that, but he ain't and Indenial is gay (bless him, I love gays) he has a live-in boyfriend but has not come out of the closet (Duh!?) And the girl they conversed about was a very decent looking girl.

Horny: wow check that piece of arse
Indenial: oh yeah baby work that arse
Horny: Yuck with a face like that she probably does not get lots of action
Indenial: yeah she's ugly but she's got the body
Horny: oh yeah if only we could put her body under another head
Indenial: could put the pillow on her face

Well I got very annoyed at that point and told them off : It's not like you stand a chance with her in the first place. That cooled them for say 15 seconds before they resumed the conversation.

Fever Dog said...

That's embarrassing to more than just vagina-owners, it makes me want to visit my doctor and see if I can't be surgically turned into a dog or something. I don't even want to be the same animal as those people.

Akelamalu said...

Frienemy? What's that all about? I have friends and people I curse with voodoo.

Mike M said...

Aww, girls ain't so bad.
Guys have their moments too. Like the word "chillaxing".

I kinda like that word though. I used it on my boss and she (a girl) flipped out and said I was too old to use a word like that.

Elder In Sync here I come!!

Michael C said...

I think my head would literally have exploded when I heard that conversation...especially with the word frienemy.

I prefer the more mature translation of frienemy: The A-- Hole who I do stuff with sometimes...

mutleythedog said...

I like their names though ...girls like that are stupid - but cute!

Variant E said...

Like what is like up with like using the word 'like' like so often?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I think it's because women like to hang around with people they're also jealous of.

They use them as a standard for themselves, but also secretly like to see them fall.

We just like to spend time with people who are fun to spend time with.

Palm Springs Savant said...

its like another animal..these creatures with vaginas. wow. I do not understand their speak.

Jenny! said...

Michael5000:
I hate frienothings! They are so worthless to have around!

Jenny! said...

Ratty:
If I was such a nuisance...then why do you keep coming round here! You have hurt my feelings now!

Jenny! said...

Beefcake Almighty:
It's a good thing that comments are written not spoken as I have already done that to my ears...and my eyes...oh wait, then I wouldn't have been able to read your comment...I have got to stop lying!

Jenny! said...

Captain:
It would not have been a fair fight, they were totally bimbos and would have been swinging punches at each other...I suspect that they are actually frienemies as well!

Jenny! said...

Gorilla:
I would have...but I didn't want to get any closer!

Jenny! said...

Cremiere:
Even though dudes can be obnoxious, I typically enjoy penis over vaginal company!

Jenny! said...

FeverDog:
Where can you get a species change operation??? Just out of curiosity?

Jenny! said...

Akelamalu:
Exactly...I like mine separate!

Jenny! said...

Mike M:
I think that guys use slang words differently than girls...like these girls probably believed that frienemy is an actual word...but chillaxing is just bad ass!

You are never too old for cool slang...it makes you a bad ass!

Jenny! said...

Michael C:
I use much better words to describe my enemies...and my friends too!

Jenny! said...

Mutley:
Of course they are "cute"...otherwise they would have died off long ago without some cocky male to take care of them!

Jenny! said...

Variant E:
Like, I wish I like knew!

Jenny! said...

Ingsoc:
That is very shallow...reason #970 that I hate girls! I get along with the male species so much better than the other!

Jenny! said...

Palm Springs Savant:
It's some back-ass-ward language that the whores, skanks, cunts and hussies have developed so that they can communicate effectively with each other!

Fever Dog said...

Ok, I don't actually know of such a thing as a species change operation, but surely they can do anything with medicine now?!

Yoda said...

Babe, I'm so sorry that you're embarrassed about your vagina. Let's inspect that part of your body more closely and see which portions are bothering you and what can I do to help you out.

Your friend.
Yoda.

Heart Of Darkness said...

God I get the urge to leave the planet, not only my sex, everytime I overheat how dense and immensly stupid fellow-females are!

Really, does the hole between our legs make functioning braincells to just fall out?

If that's the case, some should just keep their legs crossed - or better yet - plug it!

SMARTBuddy said...

Frienemy: Ive never heard that before, thanks for the intro. If only I was a female and could use it? Im old fashioned (and male) I guess, in that I also keep my friends and my enemies clearly apart.

Em said...

Where did you find the "girl's are stupid" pic...? I much prefer the boys one...but yup, in the case of those two cretins - stone them, inarticulate flakes....

Mmm..frienemy? Er, don't know about anyone else but I've had times where friendships are turning sour or vice versa, you change your opinion of some disliked person. That period of transition rarely lasts long (unless there's a boy invoved..eep), why would you hang around someone you weren't square with? God, that's got to be awfully confusing and time consumming...silly women.

Charlie said...

I cant keep up with new words that keep springing up. Means Im getting old.

Yeah my friends. Got my enemies and yup..i keep the friends close and my enemies and damned close eye on.

honkeie2 said...

It seems that chat/text language is slowly seeping into our everyday world. "Exscuse I speek Jive."

Jenny! said...

FeverDog:
I am sure there are little places in Mexico where they will give you whatever operation you want!

Jenny! said...

Yoda:
I love my vagina...I just don't like being associted with other vaginas!!! Mine is quite fine!

Jenny! said...

Heart Of Darkness:
We must shed braincells monthly!

Jenny! said...

Smartbuddy:
I think that is the way to go!

Jenny! said...

Em:
Ah...that is a situtaion where the term could be used, I double there girls are evolved enough to know the differnece!

Jenny! said...

Charlie:
I feel like an old fart b/c I have just started getting accustomed to the Lol, rotflmyao...and those other little fun text things! I am way behind the times!

Jenny! said...

honkeie2:
Thanks for your comment! I have a very hard understanding jive talk! I am slow like that!

NamesAreHardToPick said...

To be fair, men do just as stupid things. I don't know if we are as clever to invent terms like that, but we do dumb things from time to time.

Jenny! said...

Namesarehardtopick:
For sure men to stupd things too!

Shibari said...

I have read this like 7 times ... and I laugh uncontrollably everytime. I totally agree. I think this is why I have only a few 'girl' friends and more guy friends. guys say what they mean.
Thanks for tellin it like it is.

Jenny! said...

Shibari:
I am the same...I havea few really good/close girls that I adore, and that is all I want! Guys are not hard to get along with and are straightforward with no hidden agendas!

Gardener Greg said...

Oh Jenny you are like my most the most interesting hotgina around. I will put you on the top of my naughty girl list. I bet you can fit the F word into any sentence. I like that in a hotgina. :)

minijonb said...

Hey, cut 'em a break. At least they can use "frienemy" correctly in a sentence.

-Papa said...

This goes to show that a uterus without a brain is a terrible thing.

Jenny! said...

Gardner Greg:
Hotgina...haven't hear that one before...but I fucking love it!

Jenny! said...

Minijonb:
Did I use it incorrectly??? Sorry, don't know the proper grammatical context of hip words!

Jenny! said...

Papa:
There are so many uterus onlys walking around its scary!

Sassy Blondie said...

Like, why do the idiot bitches of like, today talk so like, stupid?

As an educator, I'm baffled! As a woman, I'm fucking sick of them.

Jenny! said...

Sassy Blondie:
I like the educator anger coming through!

Kvatch said...

I missed Babylon by the Bay's Pride parade this year--off in Alaska attending a wedding, and I'm bummed about it.

It's Me... Maven said...

Frienemy? If anything THAT is precisely what I don't dig about the female experience, how backstabby and cunty they can be.