Friday, July 13, 2007

Baby...What's Your Sign?

Please read your horoscope provided by some random website below...then read my take (***) on your sex style!


VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only.
*** Plays the coy virginal character in public but is into S&M, costumes and PVC! Very skilled in tantric sex.

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.
*** The missionary position is favored due to lack of raw creativity, but if giving the right amount of rohypnol...can turn into a sexual beast that can go all night!

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However not the kind of person you wanna mess with...you might end up crying.
*** The pushover who likes to be peed and pooped on but if you do this after eating corn, you will get your ass beat! They also enjoy DVDA.

ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud.
*** Demands oral sex forcefully and will scream obscene phrases loudly while reaching climax! They wrote the Kama Sutra!

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.
*** They enjoy shower sex but only anal with the lights on! They are also game for all water sports and quickies.

GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good in the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.
*** The cocktease or pussytease that will come back to bite you when they find that you have gone to seek ass elsewhere!

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Sexy. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Great when found.
*** The one that will eat you alive and suck you dry while dominating you! Will talk dirty incessantly unless something is shoved in their mouths to shut them up!

CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
*** The self-service climaxer that uses regular household items and plays shy when with others, very good at taint play!

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always lets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.
*** Always giggles and laughs while fucking, occasionally farts while out of control! Also, makes faces during sex that can be scary if the room is well lit.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate
Lover. Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.
*** Likes to be tied up and dominated, enjoys calling people "master" and asks for spankings!

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!
*** Gets off on public sex especially in dirty bar bathrooms and enjoys wearing other gender's undergarments!

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet!
*** The slut that will do whatever you ask! Very good tongue techniques!


334 comments:

1 – 200 of 334   Newer›   Newest»
Yoda said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! You're hilarious Jenny! I gots to share some these gems with my friends :-)

honkeie2 said...

hahaha I am totaly cancer hell yeah!

Jenny! said...

Yoda:
So whats you sign...did I get it right???

Jenny! said...

Honkeie2:
Can I call you taint now?

Kelly said...

hahaha!

I had to look up DVDA... WHAT THE FUCK!!!? That's you, huh? hahaha!

Always giggles and laughs while fucking, occasionally farts while out of control! Also, makes faces during sex that can be scary if the room is well lit.

1) girls don't fart.
2) you can't see my face if you are doin it right... ;-)
3) um, nevermind.

Which are you dear Jenny?

Jenny! said...

Kelly:
Although I dig DVDA...I am not a Libra! Girls don't poop either!

Take a guess at what I am!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Thing is I AM Pisces, but I shouldn't be really. If you do it properly (as in if you believe astrology) it is your conception date that dtermines your fate.
A Pisces is only a true Pisces if he was conceived nine months before.
If you were conceived EIGHT months before, then really, you are an Aries.
An olden days astrolger tasked to do my horoscope at birth, would have classed me an Aries.

mutleythedog said...

I'm a Capricorn... I guess you are right as usual Mistress..

Jenny! said...

Crushed:
I never knew that...very awesome. But full term is 40 weeks so wouldn't it need to be 10 months after concpetion?

Jenny! said...

Mutley:
Now get down on your knees...and kiss my boots!

Kelly said...

leo or aries... Leo?

Jenny! said...

Kelly:
Ding ding ding...we have a weiner!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

No, because if I was full term, I'd have been born April 10th. Aries.
I wasn't. I was born in early March.

Jenny! said...

Crushed:
Right...so you by old standards are and Aries...but by todays views are a Pisces...but full term is 10 months not 9!

Christie said...

Jay and I are both Sagittarius' so I guess we are both sluts who like to put out, but only with each other. Wait, that makes us not sluts, right? Other than that, I think it pretty right on.

Paul Champagne said...

March 20th, so I'm a Pisces ... but I am more like March 21st and Ares.

You have to be a Leo.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I'm guessing you're a Sagittarius...

Cece said...

CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
*** The self-service climaxer that uses regular household items and plays shy when with others, very good at taint play!

This is so funny! I don't think I've posted about my fighting days have I? lol But I really am a nice person. ;-)

George said...

Is this still the age of aquarius? Some truth in there sweetie.
;-)

Diesel said...

I'm a Taurus, which means that I think this is all bull****. ;)

michael5000 said...

The description isn't very accurate, but I look EXACTLY like the little Leo cartoon....

Fever Dog said...

Water sports?! Anal with the lights on?! You're nasty!

jungle jane said...

Nonononono.

Leo: you are the goddess of all things sexual. You are the queen of giving head and the whole world worships you.

Lucy said...

First time on your blog. I'm a huge astrology nut! I would say you're dead on with YOUR specific descriptions. The original (from some random website) sucks.

You should check out Weekly Horoscope.com The author has lengthy descriptions on sex as it relates to each sign and also each sign in relationships!

Nice blog! I'll check back often!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

40 weeks= just over 9 months!
4.5 weeks to a month!

Otherwise we'd be paid thirteen times a year.
I wish !

Ed said...

Jenny, I am an Aquarian. You got me all wrong ;-)

zen wizard said...

I think we are in the Age of Pisces now.

That would explain why everyone giggles during sex.

That's a relief; I thought it was something I was doing.

Jeanette said...

Good job! You're pretty right on! Wow, I really haven't read this in forever

mutleythedog said...

I will read your star sign....

MONA said...

hwt an enlightenment... to finally know what HE wants...!!!

Thanks Jenny!

Dan Mega said...

I'm Aquarius and I'm a GREAT kisser. Wanna make out?

snowelf said...

I'm a virgo.

And I totally play the coy character.

So you know what that means. ;)

--snow

Sassy Blondie said...

I'm not sure whether I not I've been insulted by you, Jenny.

"SCORPIO - The Addict EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.*** The missionary position is favored due to lack of raw creativity, but if giving the right amount of rohypnol...can turn into a sexual beast that can go all night!"

Umm, just because I prefer lingerie over S&M costumes doesn't mean I lack creativity! Hmmph!

DoGGa said...

Hahaha, superb - I'm a Cancerian :]... and remarkably...

All Mod Cons said...

Loads of Cancarians!

Add another...my birthday is on Wednesday. Bummer.

Nocturnal said...

That's fucking scary, your pretty much spot on with regard to Pisces.

Nocturnal said...

P.S. The center of attention part is not even close however.

Steph said...

I'm a Leo and you were exactly right!! :P

Flyinfox_SATX said...

Jen,

I am Aquarius. You have me dead to rights! LMAO!

Flyinfox_SATX

Loaf said...

Libra: and if someone takes a dump on me, I'll kick their ass whether it had corn in or not! :)

SMARTBuddy said...

Well thats amasingly accurate! Even got my Blog name in there. Spooky.
Too spooky.

Crashdummie said...

ha, go figure. actually, I kinda sortof look like the libra girl - if u shut ur eyes and squint... hehehe

The inside of me said...

Wow Jenny that is right on the money. :)

Variant E said...

Cool. I have the 69 symbol! Party on!

NamesAreHardToPick said...

Huh, there's a few of those I identify with including my own.

-Papa said...

Check out the Zodiac Girls

Jenny! said...

Christie:
Still makes you guys sluts even if just with each other!

PauL
100% Leo!

Dykerson:
Nope, but I am a slut! I am guessing you are a Taurus.

Cece:
I would love to hear about your fighting days...so intense! You are a very nice person...that kicks ass!

George:
Please tell me you enjoy water sports!!!

Diesel:
He he he...you wear woman's panties! That's fantastic...oh, wait I shouldn't mess with you!

M5K:
I am a Leo too, you look very pretty with your crown! Do you like mine?

Fever Dog:
Did you just figure that out now??? Slow kid!

Jungle Jane:
A fellow Leo...we would compete for the world worship then!

Lucy:
Thanks for stopping by, will check out that website.

Crushed:
Damn! Why am I such a retard!

Ed:
You don't like anal quickies???

Zen:
You are pretty funny, I would imagine that wouldn't stop while fucking!

Jeanette:
No shit! That one was based off of you my dear!

Mutley:
Could you please!

Mona:
Anytime! Thanks for stopping by!

Dan Mega:
I would love to, but only if we could have anal sex after!

Snow:
Your hot...that's what it means! Dirty dirty girl!

Sassy:
So sorry about the creativity thing, but you are a sexy beast! And I love you!

Dogga:
So many cancers! You guys sure love your taint!

All Mod Cons:
Thanks for your comment! Happy Birthday...seriously a lot of caners round here! Bunch of horn dogs!

Nocturnal:
Scary faces and being out of control is the best part of a pisces!

Steph:
I am a Leo also...so I Jungle Jane...I think we should get together and take over the world!

FlyinFox:
I knew you were all about the anal!

Loaf:
But was I right about the DVDA???

SmartBuddy:
I am a professional pyschic on the side!

Crashdummie:
I love Libra's! You are a cute girl witha shopping addiction?

Inside of Me:
Yeah, so what is your sign...Aries???

Variant E:
That is cool...and I will party on! You too!

Namesarehardtopick:
That the BS wiht horoscope...you can find something like you in all of them!

Papa:
WIll do!

Jenny! said...

Papa:
Thats cool! I love it!

Brian in Oxford said...

wait. I'm a non-dirty talking Leo. what up with that? However, if you've ever seen David Spade's old SNL bit where he goes out after the show to get some "pussy" (he muffles it to sneak it pass the censors)....that's what I refer to it as, in that same inarticulate mumble to get it past the censors!

electro-kevin said...

Gemini, that's both of me !

Jenny! said...

Brian In Oxford:
Really...Leo's don't talk in bed...you must be on a cusp!

Jenny! said...

Electro-Kevin:
Two is better than one!

Loaf said...

Had to look up DVDA; glad I didn't do it in the office now :)

Jenny! said...

Loaf:
Its safe to assume that anything you need to look up from my blog should be done at home!

Keshi said...

**MOST AMAZING KISSER.

that I am LOL!

Keshi.

TheBirdman33 said...

I'm an Aries....


=)

What are you ?

TheBirdman33 said...

I looked around and see you are a Leo.

I would like to quote William Sheakspeare "that's hot"

Actually, it may have been Paris Hilton that said that....

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