Tuesday, August 14, 2007

He he! New Job!

Blonde jokes crack me up! I feel that I am a blonde at heart...Don would agree!

*A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know We're going at night!"

*A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
__________________________________

I got a new position with "The Firm" as a Conflicts Analyst and I am really excited about it! I get to hang up my secretary gig...and move on to bigger and better things! My new department is going to be a total change for me...I am going from a female dominated position to a male dominated position. I will be the only female on the Conflicts team and I think it will work out well. I do not get involved with all of the female work gossip and drama, I stay away from the circles of whores that sling shit at everyone. I don't like it...It's embarrasing being a woman because of the gossip, out of control emotions, and overall bitter bitchieness makes me crazy! It will be nice to work with men for a change! I also got the sweetest pimp ass desk ever! I have a window and a great view...unobstructed...it's the sweet spot!

Who wants to celebrate with me??? You buy me enough Jager shots I may even take my top off!!!

40 comments:

captain corky said...

"I stay away from the circles of whores that sling shit at everyone"

That's my girl! What can I buy you?

captain corky said...

Congrats by the way!!!

Ashley said...

You may stay away from "circles or whores that sling shit at everything" at work, but I thought that is what all of our friendships are based upon!

Congrats again on the new job. When I think about how to resolve conflict, you are the first person I think of!

zen wizard said...

Congratulations--to celebrate, they have invented these internal combustion engine thingies on a four-wheel chasis.

They call it a car.

It beats public transportation, which you are always b!tching about, so maybe you should get one.

blog Portland said...

Congrats on the new gig, although I have to admit surprise to the fact you are actually employed, given your mongo blogging presence. With that said, please take note that I'm a huge fan of both Jager and loose women.

Stan! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stan! said...

I'd always prefer a female dominated position. In fact, I have the pleasure of currently sharing an office with five fair damsels who cater to (nearly) all of my needs.
I think "The Firm" has made a smart corporate decision....

EmRocks said...

BOMBS!! WOOO!! I love blonde jokes, its like I live in one everyday!! haha

BEAST said...

Congratulations , sounds well cool.
I have to agree with you , I have worked in a few female dominated departments over the years , and in general they are vile to each other , and the atmosphere was always dreadfull . They used to bleat on about how sexist everything was but used to stab each other in the back , and arse lick in the most revoltingly sexist manner when ever a higher ranking male came along..... if I started with a lot of sympathy for the femenist cause , I am afraid working with all girls kinda strangled it.
However by way of a bit of balance , working in a well mixed department , I have some shit hot female colleagues , and my boss is fantastic , really knows her onions .
I guess balance is the key.

Michael5000 said...

Swee--ee--ee--eet! Congrats on the new gig!

Nick said...

Also there are more guys to have sex with...and come on, I write way better than those two.

Christie said...

Congrats! Things are just landing in your lap lately, aren't they. And from the looks of it, my hubby is thinking of making you our third.

Brian in Oxford said...

enough Jager, and you'll never cough again! It's that powerful :)

I wonder if it's related to Moxie....(some weird-ass brown soda that also tastes, um....unique.)

Just Sayin' said...

Congratulations!

Nothing says promotion like a drunken night out where you eventually end up topless!

I wish I was there!

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Congrats on the new job!

Bugwit said...

Congrats your new job dominating males!

I volunteer to buy you the requisite number of drinks to free the girls!

fatwonkkid said...

it took me a while to figure out the conflicts analysis thing wasn't a blonde joke.

at first, i was saying to myself...what a long and not funny blonde joke.

Yoda said...

Congratulations!!! That's awesome, a new job and everything!

Hold it with the Jaeger bombs, don't take your top off ... or at least wait till I come ;-)

I heard that BMW blonde joke for the first time!!

Yoda said...

As your new role as a conflict analyst, are you going to run around the room shouting that this thing is going to fuckin' blow, take cover!!!

Dyck!! said...

I got something "firm" for you to "analyze" right here, baby!!

So who gets your old job? Can I apply? I'd love for my ass to sit in the same chair that your ass once sat in.

Hammer said...

Congrats! Yeah it is nice to get away from the drama. I guess it's the only social life some get.


I remember the jaeger days... have fun!

Dan Mega said...

Jager is shit and its weak. Shots are for weaklings. True blue alcoholics like myself will put down a 5th of Jimmy Beam on a night due to boredom.

George said...

Congratulations Beauty ... well deserved. Domination ... get to bring a few whips, rope, blindfolds to work?

snowelf said...

Congrats you awesome chick, you!!!

I have worked in the catty atmosphere and hated it so much I just walked right out. At my next job, it was all girls again, but they were all non-catty awesome chicks like us and it was great. So I guess it just depends on what you get...

You're going to kick so much ass and make the most out of your new office!!

--snow

TheBirdman33 said...

I call dibs on "christening" the desk!!!

TheBirdman33 said...

Um, I should clarify...I want to christen the desk WITH you. Not just jump on there and do my thing, that would be awkward, especially if you were like on a conference call at the time.

Sassy Blondie said...

Congratulations, Jenny!! You'll do an awesome job!

I am a blonde from birth, and I think I've heard every blonde joke out there. I do, however, love those Sunsilk commercials where the blondes and brunettes are being catty about each other! Too funny!

toby said...

Why did the blonde smile during the lightning storm?
She thought the paparazzi were taking photos of her!

honkeie2 said...

I love office whores who get naked after a few shots of ice cold Jagger! Want to sit on my face and tell me about your day?

Em said...

Congratulations on the new job - atta girl! When do you start? Hope you enjoy it, let us know how your first day goes...

random moments said...

Congrats! Working with men is always easier, and usually more fun.

Kelly said...

Congrats!!! I am so proud of you!

Working with all men... not a bad gig at all! rooaarr

UBERMOUTH said...

What's a jaguer shot?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

But who will dominate, you or the males?

Congratulations.
Will this affect your blogging?

Mike M said...

Congrads on the new position!!

Come on over. The wife and I will get your top off together!

Kelly said...

crushed- she will! She pees on things to mark her territory. I taught her!

-Papa said...

Congratulations, it's well earned, and you should be buying us a round.

Nocturnal said...

Congrats as well, go forth and conquer young lady.

Josh said...

Congrats. Your better off out of shit flinging range.

Beware the Jager shots though.

We have renamed it Yogamonster - that stuff makes you try moves well beyond the normal limits of flexibility!

Jeanette said...

Congratulations! I will totally buy you shots to get your top off!