Friday, August 17, 2007

I Was Eye Fucked!

On my way home from work last night, I was severely eye fucked on the train! You know when you are being stared at so intently that you can feel their eyes peeling off your clothes? I was listening to my iPod (damn thing has caused so much trouble) and I think my major problem is eye contact that is attracting weirdos and perverts. I can't NOT look people in the eyes. In a city where most people stare at the ground when walking, I am always looking up, and into peoples eyes. I think eye contact is so important and it shows that you acknowledge their presence on this planet. I will flash the occasional smile, but I need to work on being less intense in the eye contact department in hopes that it will attract less weirdos!So, the person sits down directly in front of me, facing me and I do a little close lipped smile because they're looking at me. I return to scanning the ads on the train and then scanning the other passengers and end up returning to the person in front of me, who is starring me down with a grin on their face that says, "I just took your shirt off baby!" I meet their eyes and look away...creepy...I can still feel them staring. I begin to think that maybe I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something stuck in my teeth...but my mouth is closed and there's no booger. Yep...definitely being eye fucked! At this point I can literally feel my bra coming unhooked and my pants sliding off and feeling incredibly violated! I have never been eye fucked this severely before....this chick was relentless! The grin on her face made my labia curl up and try to hide so it didn't get eaten off!

Now, I know I'm a sexy bitch and all...but never have I been visually violated by a female before! She wasn't bad looking, but her hair was a hot mess and doing chicks is just not how I roll! It's almost more flattering to be eye fucked by a chick though, because girls are hypercritical of other females, whereas guys are like panting dogs for anything with tits, so it was nice to know that a chick would dig case I ever give up cock!


Hammer said...


Creepy eye fuckers!

Irish Mama said...

"The grin on her face made my labia curl up and try to hide so it didn't get eaten off!"

Best fucking quote EVER!!! I laughed diet root beer up my nose. Which really hurt but was so worth it. You are brilliant, Jenny!


Yoda said...

I know how its like! Once I was playing racquetball at our rec center and a freakish looking chick (more like a man!) came over and completely eye-fucked me when I was drinking water from the fountain!

I never thought I would feel something so intense just by eye-fucking!

Keep your labia warm baby! :-p

fatwonkkid said...

all that eye fucking and no orgasm...what a let down!

Diesel said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who runs into rude lesbians everywhere I go.

Dyck!! said...

I hope she practiced safe eye fucking. Was she wearing glasses or contacts??

Sarah said...

I think I should be first in line, in case you give it up!

Steph said...

lol @ eye fucker. I would so rather be ogled by a girl than a guy too.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Ah, go ahead and cave in. Sex a chick and blog about it.

Then WE can all "read-fuck" you.

Anonymous said...

I eye fuck you twice a day....

Don't know if that helps or hurts, but I think it's time you should know.

RAFFI said...

i love lesbians... only when they're hot though

Josh said...

Ha, about time some one eye fucked you good and proper. After all, you are hot and deserve it!

Every time I read your blog or see a comment from you I feel your eyes tearing me apart. That profile photo of yours is killing me!

Gorilla Bananas said...

You don't have to give up cock to have sex with a woman, Jenny. You should have spoken to her. If a woman eye-fucks you, say: "What you would like to do to me?" That's a good ice-breaker.

SMARTBuddy said...

Eye fucked! Another classic phrase im gunna use over here!

captain corky said...

Half way through this post I had an accident. Great stuff as Usual woman. If you were here I'd slap you on the ass. ;)

jford said...

Good thing you weren't podcasting that story, saying Eye Fucked on the train this morning would be interpreted quite differently aurally. Both are equally hot, just different! Hmmm, a Jenny podcast, that would be interesting; reading and posting your blog as podcast from your blog for the reading impaired ...

As much as I felt your discomfort from being oogled and invaded by a complete female stranger on a train - God knows I hate those daily occurrences :) ( I should be so lucky) it is nice to read a story of a lech which doesn't feature a male as its main protagonist prick violating our beautiful, talented narrator/damsel in distress.

Eye fuck - great phrase. I agree with Irish Mama:

"" 'The grin on her face made my labia curl up and try to hide so it didn't get eaten off!' Best fucking quote EVER!!!"

Admit it though, you kinda wished for a good licking which didn't involve labia ingestion ... :)

Riding the train can be annoying and disgusting. I went to school in New York for three years and rode the subway daily. Each day, each round trip, was an adventure in griminess, disgust and discomfort which was made even worse by the happenstance of your fellow straphangers.

Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience - although it makes great material for writing and reading.

So just what is on your I-pod? You show me yours and I'll show you mine.

Have a great day and thanks for the entertaining, well written post.


Stan! said...

It's your laser eyes. They bring out the worst in all of us. You didn't get that chick's number, did ya?

-Papa said...

Eye Fucking, aka Occular Fornication, but what's most important is the use of Occular prophylactics and it sounds like none was used.
You're not pregnant are you?

Anonymous said...

damn it! I want to be eye fucked. People tell me I am a stuck up bitch... so I am thinking I don't give enough eye contact to be eye fucked.


NamesAreHardToPick said...

So that's what it's called. Oh .. well you and me girl. I got eye fucked by a guy the other day. Yeah, it's not cool.

Jenny! said...

Better than the bums I think!

Irish Mama:
Root beer up the nose is so not fun! Glad it was worth it!

Yoda: totally feel violated and ther person didn't even touch you!

I know! So disappointing!

They just hate you because you have a penis and don't want ot stick it in them!

I don't know...I should have asked her!

Absolutely! I don't even need to give up dick for you...anytime!

Guys are just pervs! Girls are a bit more...subtle..sometimes!

Bugs Butt:
Ahhh, I see how that works! Read fucking is no where near as fun!

I was wondering why my eyes were always pink and irritated!

You don't like the shemales???

You know it's okay to not stare back at my photo right??? Just look away! A proper eye fucking is good now and then! Thanks for you comment!

Gorilla B:
That would call WAY TOO MUCH attention on the train...then all the dude pervs would want ot get in on the action!

Use it with dont want to go and eye fuck the wrong girl!

I am bending over...bring it!

It wasn't a bad experience...just a bit weird! If her hair was a bit less like a wreck...maybe! It is nice to have the perv be female...woman can be just as creepy and pervy as dudes! Whats a podcast?

No, I didn't get any digits...but she did almost fall into some guys lap when getting off the train! Maybe he got her #!

Well, I am not sure if she was 100% who knows...In 9 months a baby with bad hair might pop out!

You should start off by eye fucking someone else...I would eye fuck you!

Dudes are much creepier at the eye fucking...cause they get all like, gross about it! Girls are a bit more polite when eye fucking! Who wouldn't want ot eye fuck you!

Yoda said...

You were listening to your iPod when all of this was happening?

The post totally should've been named: iFucked!


honkeie2 said...

It seems that the gay community are a little more aggresive when it cums to eye humping. I had this dude do the same thing once. It was creepy but then I thought, 'Hell even men want some of this' Then a blew him a kiss and ran like hell!
I tease like a villian with no intent to follow through. but like I said gay men can be alot more aggresive.
When in dought, cover your ass and run like hell.
Now I have visuals of your labia....thanks that all I needed lol

Anonymous said...

ohhh yoda's quick

I eye fuck all my readers. teeheehee. Haven't you seen?

blog Portland said...

I can assure you that most men wouldn't be that flattered to by ogled by a dude. Unless of course it was Chuck Norris, in which case I would submit willingly.

snowelf said...

I have THANKFULLY never been eye fucked, but I can imagine the nastiness. So Ew.

And I am so glad Large Guy came and saved you on the train. I hate stuff like that.


RAFFI said...

only post-ops

Heart Of Darkness said...

Never been eye fucked... :(

ha ha

Just Sayin' said...

I eye fucked a chick once... She must've been a dirty whore cuz I got pink eye!

Needless to say I don't do that anymore!

Michael C said...

I believe in making eye contact. I have gotten a few looks back that have made me second guess that belief though!

minijonb said...

That sounded hott... did you need to smoke a cigarette afterwards?

Flyinfox_SATX said...


Can you blame her? You're Hot! I know I would eye fuck ya! I would probably even be creepier...Don't know...just a hunch!


Dan said...

but never have I been visually violated by a female before

That was me in drag! Geez, I didn't think I was being that obtrusive. Sorry about that!

George said...

Pretend you're sleeping when you have the iPod running. What was the song?

You and Steph come up with the greatest phrases I have heard ... maybe I'll make a list of them and then blog it

Jenny! said...

He he he...I got iFucked! Priceless!

That's great advice! And as for my labia being in your head...not my fault dude...I am covering my vagina and running like hell away from you!

I know, I feel violated everytime I visit your blog!

Blog Portland:
When you let Chuck fuck you senseless can you let me know if the curtains match the drapes?

Well, next year you will get your opportunity to let the eye fucking begin!

Ha ha!

Heart of Darkness:
You should ride the train more often then!

Just Sayin:
Pink eye is a strain of I have heard from Mutley!

Michael C:
I totally feel you on that one!


Yeah, I bet you would be very creepy...but in a good way!

It happens...I was wondering why she had a weird bulge in her pants!

Ha! Steph is fantastic at phrases! I don't remember what was a long ride so the eye fucking was spread over like 5 songs!

-Papa said...

If you had been wearing mirrored sunglasses, would that woman doing the eye fornication have become a woman eye masturbating?

jford said...


A podcast is an audio post. I am surprised that the I-Pod Queen has never heard a podcast before. There are hundreds if not thousands of podcast for free download and pay download. People digital record shows or discussions and post them on online for download into a computer or I-Pod or mp3 player and you can listen to the dialogue. You can buy a fairly inexpensive microphone which connects to your computer through the USB port. Most newer computers have a free program which lets you record your voice directly into the computer and save it as a wave file or Apple compatible file. People can then download or play your post right from your blog site. So you can do a dramatic read of your post, post it to your blog site, and we can read and/or listen to you post. I am sure your kick ass posts would be even more impressive if we could hear you telling the story directly.

Variant E said...

I guess if there are eye fuckers then the guys wearing sun glasses are eye peeping Toms!

honkeie2 said...

that wont work on me jenny, I can read between the lines and I have long hard stiff....legs. lol

honkeie2 said...

You know I now think I am a total blog about u?

Akelamalu said...

Did you blush????

Fever Dog said...

I laughed out loud to hear it was a chick! You expect that sort of thing from skeezy men, but I guess we all have needs...

Slick said...

Damn....chicks never "eye fuck" me.

This post just gave me a serious complex.

'Preciate that.

Don said...

Man reminds when I would walk home from CyberArena. That walk would get boring very quick so I'd change my routes. One time I passed the Nut Bush and this black guy asked for a smoke, I obliged. Then he asked what I was doing, his eyes going up and down.
"Walking home from work Dude."
He then asked how much I benched, looking me up and down again. I said I wasn't sure. The black dude then said, "Really? Cuz yous sexy as hell!" I told him thanks and said I had to get going. Walking away, my neck hair standing on end, I could feel his eyes on me violating my ass. Talk about being eye fucked, my ass was sore from that, I didn't shit right for two weeks! After being a block away I thought about and smiled, even though I wasn't gay, a complement is a complement damn it.
At least she didn't take the eye-fucking too far, she could've busted out her strap-on and try to skull fuck ya!

Christie said...

Oh, Jenny, I would eye fuck you, too, you hot bitch you!

chuckdaddy2000 said...

I'm alos a freak magnet. Today some guy just stood staring at me at a local park. I finally said, "Do I know you?"

Insetad of being eye-fucked though, I was being eye-saved. He replied, "Well do you Jesus Christ our savior."

Jenny! said...

Ha! I think that would constitute masturbation!

Oh, that's not a good idea...I would ramble and ramble and ramlbe! That or got mute!

Variant E:
Ha! Your clever aren't you!!!

I am sure you could catch me, I am so not a fast runner! I prefer blog skank over blog whore!

I probably did!

Fever Dog:
Right, chicks aren't supposed to be all sleezy!

I could find a few chicks ot eye fuck you!

Where you wearing my skirt again??? Of course the dudes at Nut Bush are going to be drooling...your a sexy piece of ass!

Do you think your hubby's ok with you eye fucking me???

Oh, how sweet...he tried ot eye save you! Did you bust him in the nuts! I would have!

Alexiev said...


Best wishes from Buenos Aires...
Alexiev Store

George said...

iFucking over 5 songs? sounds like endurance to me

geed weekend sweetie

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I had some guy on a train once trying to do this.
I just put my paper up.

Anonymous said...

Thats the link between pinkeye and chlamydia - thats it right ther!!.. I would eye fuck you Im sure... and not JUST because you have boobs...

Christie said...

He cares in a "that's so fucking hot, I'm want to mount you right now" type of way. Besides, if he's going to share his tube steak with Chuck Norris, I can do whatever I want!

Bugwit said...

Maybe you should MAKE sure you have something hanging from your nose. Or better yet, stare deeply into her eyes, lick your lips, then stick your finger up your nose.

That should do it.

Paul Champagne said...

Don't ever go over to the dark side Jenny ... head towards the light.

Jenny! said...

Thanks for stopping by!

You have a good weekend too! It was a LONG 5 songs! Sometimes I am in the mood for a quickie!

Good avoidance tactic...I dont read the paper!

So you would eye fuck me because I have nice hair then...not because of my tits?

True! I dont know if you should take him back after he shares his meat wiht Chuck Norris...that dude must have some STD! You can have me instead!

But then I might attract the bums even more so! And boogers hanging from my just not cute!

If the light side you are referring too is cock...I don't think I would ever turn dark! I have a vagina already...I don't need another! Ha!

Tuyet said...

wow, this was very shocking.

Rex Venom said...

This post was just so good in so many ways. A hot chick getting 'eye fucked' by another, in a near-wrong way....exciting to read.
Rock on!

MONA said...

This is really funny post & I like the term eyefuck. LOL! It is like zipless fuck!

The labia quote can be a quotable quote too! You are witty & too funny! I am LMAO!

La Cremiere said...

Hahaha! How funny. I did not realise there was such a thing as being eye fucked. It's flatering in a spooky way.

Got to pack, I'm off for a company weekend away with all our families, woopie-doo. (as if i did not see them enough the rest of the year. wish me luck.)

Nocturnal said...

Heh, watch out for those evil eyes.


Stan! said...

My naughty little lamb,
I could always do with another vagina around the place. It would certainly lighten the load....

BEAST said...

I am sure I commented , It was the witiest , kick ass comment as well , but then it turned out I didnt.
What a knobhead
And I cant remember what it was now!
Anyway , you should have done a bit of lick lipping , hair curling round a finger , and chest heaving when the girly was eye fucking. Really got the minx hot and bothered...he he he

Sassy Blondie said...

Jenny, you really made me laugh for an extnded time with this one! LOLOLOL

I find that giving these kinds of people, no matter what their gender, the crazy eyes back tends to make them uncomfortable. I never want to seem too vulnerable and all...;o)

Jenny! said...

Sorry to shock you!

Rex Venom:
Glad you enjoyed!

Thanks...what's a zipless fuck???

La Cremiere:
Have a good time on your little family trip...I would hang myself for sure!

Evil eyes spook me...pervert eyes creep me out!

The more the merrrier!

You knobhead! I didn't want to encourage her she would have jumped my bones on the train!

I would rather be crazy than vulnerable! Glad you laughed!

Pastor Stew said...

You know you wanted it. You were probably wearing an outfit that was screaming for it. Women are all the same. They dress like Eye Fuck Whores and then get mad when you Eye Fuck them. You are just an Eye Tease. You probably got off on it, felt guilty and decided to blog on it to tell yourself that you were the victum when in reality the poor girl was the victim of your vibes that you no doubtly were sending out. Do you read your posts? You are always talking about sex. You probably were thinking about your blog on the El when this chick saw you and sensed your sex vibes and was trying to respond back. Personally I think that you are hiding the part where you were pole dancing while singing your songs. I know that when I pole dance in public I get Eye fucked by everyone. Thats why I do it. Stop braging.

Guilty Secret said...

Ha ha this post was brilliant. Your writing is hilarious, Jenny!

random moments said...

Holy shitballs - 66 comments?! Are you turning tricks again? ;p

I'd much rather be eye fucked by a female too. A lot less threatening. Did she call you the next day? Send flowers?

Uncivil said...

Wow, Jenny
I just dropped in from Diesel's "Running Mates" post.

Now I can't make up my mind which post is better, his or your "eye fucking post"

Damn, I lucked out tonight!!!!!
Two for the price of one!

I bet Hillary is eye fucking Monica!

Jenny! said...

Pastor Stew:
I don't know whether to be offended by your comment or not! I was dressed in work atire which means black dress pants and a conservative shirt! And I do actually read my posts...I write them after all...and yess they are about sex...I was never complaining about being eye fucked and I am sarcastic so I ddint actually feel violated either!

Thank you for the flattery!

Random Moments:
No flowers or candy, but I was a bit sore!

Thanks for stopping by dude! Come again...I am way funnier than Diesel!!!

Pastor Stew said...

Um, I was just joking. I figured you were being sarcastic so I used it in return.