Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I'm Creeped Out!

I found out some interesting information about a fellow secretary yesterday that really disturbed me...I am seriously afraid of this woman now and don't ever want her to come near me or look at me ever!

Since I am being moved to a different department, the Firm needs to reassign my current assignments before my transition can be made. Yesterday one of my assignments was moved to this creepy secretary...since I can't give you her name...I will call her Creepy Fucker...and I had to go down and give her some information about her new assignment and some materials. I went down, approached her with a smile, introduced myself and told her my purpose for bothering her, intense personal conversation with Creepy Fucker II, was to give her much needed info for her new assignment. She was less than thrilled at having me, a relative newcomer to the Firm, giving her directions/suggestions. Creepy Fucker just nodded at me, and basically ignored me...too bad for her because that new assignment of hers has some complicated tasks that she needs to be very detailed about and if...or rather when...she fucks it up...she will get her ass chewed out and handed to her....hmmm, too bad she didn't listen to me!
So when I come back to my desk my boss asks me, "So, did you see any of the pictures on her desk?" I replied, "No." She immediately started busting her gut laughing and snorting and keeling over from hyperventilating. I was thinking...what the fuck? When she finally calmed down, I asked her what the fuck was so funny and apparently Creepy Fucker is a grade A certifiable fucking doll freak! She has a collection of dolls that are child sized, like 9 or 10 year old child size, and she takes pictures of them, with them, hires professional photographers to take pictures of them. Now, that alone is a bit creepy to me, but there's more! She takes these dolls on vacation with her...that's right on VACATION! She packs them up and ships them to where ever she is going, then unpacks them, poses them and takes pictures. She apparently went to the beach this summer and took her dolls to the beach with her. She passes these pictures out to her friends in the Firm and thinks that this is normal behavior. I was in tears because I was so creeped out by this...I was just feet from this creepy freak fucker and she could have touched me with her pervy hands!
I am so fucking disturbed by this...that is NOT NORMAL people! Dolls are already a bit freakish to me...but what the fuck is wrong with this lady?


Hammer said...

Oh that is weird as hell.

Stan! said...

Lots of people have a collection of some sort. I have been collecting my own navel fluff since the mid-1980s. I would, however, draw the line at collecting severed penises...

Willow said...

Very Creepy!! Dolls can be scary! I think some movie when I was younger ruined dolls for me--maybe it was Chucky!

RAFFI said...

what's wrong with blow-up... i mean... dolls?

Fever Dog said...

Oh my god -- it takes a lot to creep you out, and I can see why this does!

Christie said...

Dolls creep me out as much as clown figurines. Why do people insist on collecting things that have eyes that seem to follow you around.

-Papa said...

First the guys in the sub culture who have life sized sex dolls as significant others, and now this creepy old goat who has dolls instead of children. Hmm, maybe these two could hook up. BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Brian in Oxford said...

this is every horror movie of the last 20 years, no?

Michael5000 said...

So, let's say there was this guy, and that it amused him to bring a teddy bear along with him when he travelled, and to photograph it in front of famous landmarks. Am I -- oops, I mean, would that person be equally creepy?

Hope not. Dolls are kind of disturbing.

La Cremiere said...

How weird!!!! At first I thought she was just jealous because you're new and prettier and wittier and fun; but this is sad in a pathetic way. I kinda feel sorry for creepy lady because she must be very lonely to take her dolls with her on holiday. It's still very creepy though and my face is distorted in a grimace as if I've bitten into a lemon.

jford said...

Sounds like a creepy horror movie where some insane wiccan potions an unsuspecting woman and then turns her into a doll so when she wakes up it's like, what the fuck, I am plastic and kneeling on a doll carpet in front of some Pinocchio sporting a woody yelling I wont lie, suck my woody, bitch!

Jesus Christ Jenny, don't ever go down their again. I'd hate to see you wind up that way!

The Diva's Thoughts said...

This chick is beyond creepy!!! EEEIIIWWWWW!

Loaf said...

That's just too creepy. I can see her coming home at night and sitting at the dinner table with them, having a full conversation, bitching to them about you!

Variant E said...

I'll bet she already has a picture of you in doll form in her cubicle right now!!!! If I were you, I'd change your name and leave the country. The south of France is nice this time of year...

Paul Champagne said...

Does she do anything else with these dolls? ~SHUDDER, SHUDDER, CRINGE~

blog Portland said...

You've been looking at this all wrong. She will be at your mercy; all you've got to do is get your hands on one of those things, and let the ransoming begin.

Flyinfox_SATX said...

Man, that is just wrong. Hopefully she will not model any new dolls after your image....


Jenny! said...

Right...something is so wrong.

Well do you take pictures wiht your navel fluff? Severed penises...would not be a good collection, they are of no use that way!

Chucky freaked the shit out of me, I don't like dolls at all.

Nothing wrong with that sort...they don't have that weird follow you look in their eyes.

Fever Dog:
Yeah, I am not that easily creeped...but I was in tears!

Oh, don't talk about clowns...or anything dressed up, like Santa, the Easter bunny...fuck those things...I hate them all!

That would be the creepiest two people ever.

Brian In Oxford:
Horror movies are not my fave either!

Um, that is weird...but not truly creepy...dude why cant you leave the bear home?

La Cremiere:
So lonely...this nutter must be! I don't feel bad for her b/c she has noone b.c of the dolls!

OH, that was so not nice to tell I am really scared to go down ot her floor!

Diva's Thoughts:
Right??? Glad you all agree!

You are making my skin fucking crawl dude...I am going to piss my pants!

Variant E:
Oh, god...that is NOT funny! Now I am going to have to go down there and find it and destroy it!

Thanks for making me vomit in my mouth...I dont want to fucking know that dude...oh, gross...barf!

Blog Portland:
She probably has them all locked up in a super special safe with trick wires and shit around them...this bitch ain't that sloppy...I wonder how muhc I could get her ot pay for them you want to help?

FlyinFox: motherfucker! I knew I shouldn't have told you guys about this...your just going to keep creeping the shit out of me further aren't you?

George said...

Makes me wonder what else she does with the dolls ... bathe them, feed them, fuck them?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I collect CDs.
That's about it, really.

Anonymous said...


maybe she had a crush on Chucky when she was younger?

maybe she should be on that show with the pervy doll humpers! They should get married and have baby dolls all over...

tee heee heeeee

electro-kevin said...

Creepy, but probably totally harmless.

I doubt anyone would even WANT to chew her ass.

Dyck!! said...

1. I think you should take a picture of yourself standing next to a picture of her dolls, and put that picture on her desk.

2. I have a Mighty Dyckerson doll for sale in adult novelty stores. You pull the string and it squirts at you.

3. You don't hate ALL you??

4. Funny you should mention Severed Penises...

Jeanette said...

That is creepy, but maybe theres a good reason for it. ...I'm not sure what, but there has to be!

Dan said...

Dolls freak the hell out of me ... except for those blow-up ones. They're pretty cool.

yudansha said...

You should get the dolls and photograph them in allsorts of sexual poses - send the piccies to her anon.

Stacie said...

uhhhh...that's just not right! That is soooooo crossing the creepy line. Kinda makes ya wonder what she does with them ya know? On the other hand...if it keeps her occupied and away from real children, then I guess the world is better off.

Ashley said...

Those dolls are horrifying. I feel like I am in an episode of Chucky. That is all I would be able to think about if they were in my house. Are those off of her desk?

Dan Mega said...

Completely epic.

Keshi said...

dolls r CREEPY!!!!

The musical ones that can sing r even more scary!


Anonymous said...

People are definately strange. And dolls - there is something wax-like and dead about them that is a tad creepy, but it's a hobby right? It might fill a gap in her life (ha, a gap! wonder what that 'gap' could be ??)

Bugwit said...

I once decided against buying a house because the guest room was packed with life-like dolls. They were everywhere - there must have been 60 or 70 of them. They were on the bed like five deep, up on all the shelves looking down at me, in display cases, in chairs...

It's just sick.

There's no way I could sleep in that room after that.

Their souls might stay around and talk to me at night.

Gorilla Bananas said...

That's very weird, those dolls aren't even naked! Some needs to give her the new Superdike model for her birthday.

phishez_rule said...

That woman needs to get knocked up... stat!

Guilty Secret said...

"...since I can't give you her name...I will call her Creepy Fucker..." - ha ha ha ha!

No no no that is soooo wrong. She takes them on holiday? No, man, she needs committing.

Kitty said...

...i feel a bit sorry for the poor bitch. she all jacked up in the head.

captain corky said...

LOL! Just picturing the dolls wearing seatbelts in the back of her station wagon makes me laugh my ass off.

fatwonkkid said...

are those real pictures of her dolls. does she have kids? bring the dolls with her is a bit weird. maybe she has her cocaine stashed in it. that way people are too creeped out by the dolls that they don't inspect them.

Akelamalu said...

OMG you're right that is seriously creepy!!!

Charlie said...

oh. My. word. you serious?! does she have to book these dolls their own seat on the plane? or does she get a child buckle and sit with them on her lap? or ask for the bulk head seats so one can lie down if they need a nap.....the mind boggles!!

Superstar said...

May I suggest a "work" shrink? OMG that is really creepy. I mean...i bet she has affairs w/ them...
~shakes head~

~blinks eyes~

Malcolm: said...

That has got to be one of the creepiest stories I have heard in awhile. When I scrolled down and saw the 1st doll photo, I thought it was Michael Jackson wearing a blonde wig.

Jenny! said...

Bad thoughts bad thoughts bad thoughts bad thoughts bad thoughts bad thoughts!

Collecting CD's seems a bit boring now doesn't yourself out to the store and buy a doll!

Pretty sure the doll humpers from that show wouldn't know what to do with something that could move on its own and talk!

You are 150% correct...totally harmless and NO ONE would want to put their lips anywhere near that ass!

Yes, All clowns! They are creepy fuckers...but apparantly I don't mind ALL creepy you are a pefercet example...maybe you could rid me of my clown fears???

One thing is certain...there is NO good reason for taking them on vacation with you! Collecting is one thing...but more than that is FUCKED UP!

Blow up dolls are just funny! Who doesn't like blow up dolls?

That would be hilarious...excpet the fact that I would need to touch her dolls to pull taht off and I am so NOT willing to touch them!

This wacko hates children and calls them "Devil Spawn" thank god she has something to keep her away from the real kids!

No, those aren't on her desk...I was afraid to go down and take pictures...found those lovelies on the internet!

Dan Mega:
Completely psycho!

Agreed...those freak my shit out too!

Betty Boob Hug:
I don't want to think about her gap...barf barf barf!

Bugwit: I will be worried about her dolls souls haunting me...I am not going to be sleeping good...I would not have even been able to go into that house!

Gorilla Bananas:
Just because their not naked doesn't make them any less creepy!

I don't think there is a human on earth that would want to touch her with anything less than a 10 foot pole!

Guilty Secret:
I KNOW...heavy meds wouldn't hurt either!

Yeah, she's jacked in the head...but I can't feel sorry for her...some one in her family should talk to her about this!

Now that is funny to think about ...thank you for lightening the creep factor on this...if I just picture that instead of...other things...then maybe I could look her in the eyes next time I see her!

She has not kids, she refers to kids as "Devil Spawn" and if she did hide coke in there...that would make her bad ass...and she is far from bad ass!

So creepy!

She ships them as cargo...I wonder if she needs to make it up to them for not buying them an actual seat on the plane?

Any volunteers for being her therapist...I think she would freak out the therapist too much to be able to get help!

Welcome...thanks for your comment...ha ha does look a bit like MJ!

*~*Cece*~* said...

Yeah, totally not normal. BUT much less expensive than traveling with real kids who need to eat & be kept out of trouble!

honkeie2 said...

Yes that isnt normal, if Michael Jackson does the same thing it is werid. Lets just hope she isnt having sex with them.
If I had female dolls in my house ppl would think I was having sex with them.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Yes, but the CDs give pleasure.
To me, anyway.

Dolls, Hmmm.

No, don't get it.

Jenny! said...

Tru dat!

I wouldn't think you were having sex with dolls in your house...I would think that you were having anal orgies!

I would have to agree that CD's are more pleasurable than some freakish dolls! I dont get it either!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to have nightmares from those pictures. Oy.

snowelf said...


That is seriously fucked up right there.

Does she ride public transportation....