Sunday, September 09, 2007

8 Legged Freaks and More!

Lake Tawokoni State Park rangers Mike and Freddie monitor a rare, giant communal spider web at the park near Willis Point, Texas. Why are Mike and Freddie just standing there...they need to get a fucking broom and take the fucker down! Right outside my window at work are a colony of fat juicy spiders...nasty mofo's! They are so damn big...I have no idea how they can live that far up on a high rise. I would not want to be the window washers...I would for sure fall off while frantically screaming and swinging my arms around my head. Spiders that are fat and juicy make my skin crawl!
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One of my new co-workers is straight out of a Renaissance fair. She is creepy but not nearly as scary as creepy doll fucker was. This chick has a hard time with eye contact and kind of sways uncomfortably when your talking to her. She came running up to me on my second day and grabbed my arm and told me, "I have Kleenex!" I said (as nicely as possible), "Okay...good for you...I have Kleenex too!" She then told me that I could use her Kleenex anytime I wanted and I didn't need to even ask her....I could just grab one if I needed it! Wow...fantastic! How nice and weird of her! So, to give you all an idea of what she looks like...take a look at the picture below.





Nice right! Now imagine that girl but subtract about 4 cup sizes from the tits, add about 368 pounds, subtract two feet from the height and then chop of her head and add the face of a retarded mule. That's my new co-worker!
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Since I have so much time on my hands (I wish)....Loaf and I started a new blog dedicated to food and beverages. Food is the next best thing to sex...so why not have a blog about it! Take a look at our food porn at Carnal Cuisine! If you have any pictures of food that you have cooked that looks too good to eat...email them to me and we will post. Or if you have any good recipes that you would like to share...let us know!

36 comments:

fatwonkkid said...

it would be kinda interesting to get some spider poison and see hay many sprays it would take to kill that spider...hopefully before it eats me.

why do you work with so many freaks?

Jay Cam said...

uuuhh that co-worker sounds bad... lol there are a couple ways to solve THAT problem but most of the arent legal :)

Jay Cam said...

Care to trade links? My site is http://jaysmoney.blogspot.com

If would like to trade, post my link, then comment or email me and I will post yours on my site as a permanent link. Send what you want to your link to be called and your link please.
I would appreciate the linkage, Thanks!

ADW said...

I am thinking that the Freak Fair Lady might end of being stranger than the crazy doll lady. Just give her some time...

Yoda said...

I will kill all the spideys for ya! Can you take care of the roaches for me? Please? LOL!

I will send some recipes and pics your way! I am in love with food ... that's one sure way a girl can win my heart ... feed me great stuff!!

Ashley said...

Not that I want to wear a corset, but I am really curious to see how big my chest would be with one on. I think I am going to have to live without that knowledge, though, especially if that ever involved dressing up like I am in a Renaissance Faire.

Ye keepeth the freaks a coming, Jenny. We loveth the tales.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I got something fat and juicy for ya right here, baby!

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Send those tissues my way. The latest issue of Hustler just arrived and I'm down to my last box.

Keshi said...

LOL @co-worker!

Jen looking into ur beautiful eyes wud make me feel better any day. tnxx n HUGGGGGGGZ!

Keshi.

snowelf said...

Just looking at that big ass spider web freaks me out!! Ew!! Some birds need to get in there and have an all you can eat spider buffet!!

And what the hell is wrong with your co-workers?! Should I put I am a raging kleenex-using, doll-collecting psycho on my resume? Do you think it would help my chances of getting a job there? Sheesh!! My other friend in Chicago has some freaky people in his office too! Two legged freaks!

--snow

Steph said...

lol, you work with some fucking crazy nutjobs. What's it like to be the only sane person in the village?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

That picture is NICE! If I look at it much longer I'm going to have to take that chick up on those kleenex.

Betty Boob Hug said...

hahah, love the description of your co-worker there. Classic. (I'm sure she's a nice lady, underneath it all)

and about that spider web? holy toledo...where the fuck is the spider hiding???

chuckdaddy2000 said...

Nice Kleenix connection Dr. Ken. Now if someone could connect the spiders, Kleenix, and the Renaissance (spelling?) Fair, that would be truly awesome.

Michael5000 said...

Once we've subtracted 4 cup sizes, added 368 pounds, subtracted two feet, chopped off her head, and added the face of a retarded mule, what do we have left of the original? Just ye rennaisance garbe?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Have you ever let a spider crawl over your skin? They have a really delicate touch. You might get to like it.

Hammer said...

We have those webs but they are from worms not spiders and I feel bad for your co worker..sounds nasty

captain corky said...

Your co-worker sounds like the kind of chick I wanna party with. Can you get me her AOL Screen name?

jford said...

I HATE SPIDERS!!!! Creepy eight legged carnivorous freaks that would leisurely dine on me for dinner while I was still alive - if they were about 75 times their current size.

Fair Girl makes me pine for the the less creepy co- workers like doll girl. I hope your law firm keeps the crazy in the basement far from client contact!

I need a kleenex - do you know anyone who can give me one?

Miss Smack said...

You are just hilarious. You make me laugh every post I read.

Michael C said...

A food blog? Yes!!! You know I'll be checking it out every day.

-Papa said...

All that over Kleenex? I wonder how she reacts when the new phone book comes in?

RAFFI said...

i'd still do your new co-worker

George said...

Jenny ... weren't you aware that spiders can only exist on the outside of high rise buildings as long as they have passage to the interior for food and a warm, cozy place to rest in the winter?

Stan!! said...

As you know pumpkin, I am familiar with many aspects of pyschiatry. Let me check this laydee out for ya. I'd be delighted to offer a clinical opinion as to whether she really is bat-shit nuts.My recommendation: Simply slap that bitch around the head with an inebriated homeless male tomorrow morning, roll up co-worker in a rug and FED EX her to me here in Istanbul....it couldn't be simpler.

mutleythedog said...

She sounds nice - but maybe she has a drink problem? I like mules they are funny and kind...

Akelamalu said...

Jenny I have to ask because of the strangeness of the people you work with....

Do you work in a funny farm?

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

So, is the pay rise worth it?

And does it help being near such a great supply of Klenex?

minijonb said...

i get the creeps from anything related to a Renaissance fair. i think you've just ruined my day. thanks, thanks a lot!

=:-)

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Ok your new co-worker sounds crazy as hell.

zen wizard said...

Do communal spiders drive tiny VW buses and name their kids, "Free" and "River"?

Paul Champagne said...

I was looking at the picture and thinking ... she can't be that bad. Till you started modifying the picture ... then I screamed and ran out of the office. Think any of my co-workers noticed?

Jenny! said...

Fatwonkkid:
I just see the freak in everyone...I am sure no matter where I worked...there would be freaks.

Jay Cam:
The only things I can think of are illegal too..and I kind of like my job, so I will avoid that!

Jay Cam:
I would consider trading links...as soon as I get a chance!

ADW:
I am thinking the same thing...she will for sure be more annoying since she will actually talk to me...Creepy Doll Fucker will only roll her eyes at me.

Yoda:
I heart food too! I will NOT kill roaches for you...I can deal wiht spiders...but roaches...FUCK NO!

Ashley:
Ye will be hearing maneth tales of freaketh fair lady! I am sure your tities would look gynormous in a corset!

Dyckerson:
I will start stealing her kleened...just a few everyday and then mailing them to you. Can I use them 1st and give you sloppy seconds?

Keshi:
Your so sweet! Co-workers are a bunch of freaks!

Snow:
Two legged freaks! Ha ha ha! I don't know what the deal is with the freaks...a big city so more to choose from or the water?

Steph:
It's weird being the sane one...but I am sure everyone else thinks I am the nutjob!

Dr. Noisewater:
Yes...that picture is nice...but the real deal that I have ot look at is so NOT NICE!

Betty Boob:
She really is a nice lady...just fucked up...just like us all in our own special way!

ChuckDaddy:
Right! Can't think of anythinig right now...but that's a challenge I will try and solve!

M5K:
Nothing of the hot chick...just the frumpy garbe! Ye scary bitch, she be!

Gorilla Bananas:
I am sure they have crawled on me before...but there is nothing arousing about a spider crawling on my body. Thanks, now i feel them and their not there!

Hammer:
Worms can make webs??? Cool!

Captain:
I can...but she will want you to make her some chainmail in exchange!

JFord:
Creepy Doll Fucker still seems worse to me...but thats probably b/c she was a royal bitch too. Fair Girl is nice, but weird!

Miss Smack:
Glad you laugh...I do all day long!

Michael C:
Yum...food! I could talk about food all damn day!

Papa:
When I find out what day that is...I will be taking it off, I don't want her boner to hit me in the eye!

Raffi:
I bet she is kinky...although a bit retarded, she may not know what hole it goes in...bonus!

George:
Oh....stop...that is NOT cool...my desk is right next to them! I would shit myself if they were covering my desk tomorrow!

Stan!!:
You called me pumpkin...that's one of my fave pet names! I will have ot use DHL for international packages...what's your address again big boy?

Mutley:
Mules are funny...and very kind. Drinking problem may actually explain the weird pacing and eye contact thing...I will have ot investigate further!

Akelamalu:
Ha ha ha...sometimes I think so!

Crushed:
I actually LOVE it! And yes...it's nice having an unlimited supply of kleenex!

Minijonb:
Sorry...but would Bourne be scared of fair freaks???

Divas Thoughts:
Aren't we all crazy as hell though??? Not really like that though!

Zen:
They also drink soy and eat veggie burgers!

Jenny! said...

Paul:
Ha ha ha...I am sure they just thought you were having one of your tantrums again!

electro-kevin said...

The only species where sex means that it is actually compulsory for the female to eat the male - lucky boys.

Sassy Blondie said...

Uh, Jenny, that would be Wills Point, Texas. Just thought you'd want to know...;o)

TheBirdman33 said...

Do you work with my sister in law?!? It sounds like she offered you Kleenex.

btw, I had to wear baggy pants and a sword to their wedding.