Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Eye Trouble!

Oh....finally I can breathe!
My first day at my new position was great...I love it! I am looking forward to training ending and me being on my own at the job. It will take about three weeks for me to get acclimated...but I am expecting that to go a bit quicker as I am catching on really quickly so far. I will try so hard to keep up with your blogs...but I may be shoddy for a few days! I miss you guys already! You all better miss me back!

A little conversation I had with a homeless man yesterday left me wanting to burn my eyes out. I was outside having a smoke break, talking on the phone to Don when a homeless dude came up and started digging through the ashtray for cigarette butts. I find it appalling that they do that, so I gave him a cigarette and in return he offered me a sip of his beer. His open can of beer! I told him, "No, I don't want any of your beer, thanks!" Don was still on the phone and telling me to, "move away from him." The homeless dude kept trying to shove his beer at me telling me to, "takes a sips miss!"I kept shaking my head, then hung up with Don...that was a mistake. The dude then went on to tell me that, "Ya gotz the mos beuful eyes I eva see." All the while staring me down...HARD! He went on and on about how, "yo eyes are lookin rights in my souls...yos breakin my heart, cuz yo eye be like pierce rights throw me." After I said, "thank you" about 15 times, he started to walk away saying that, "If I's stay looking at yo eyes any longa, I gonna propose to you. Yo breaking my heart, seeing in my soul like that!" I said, "Show me the ring!" Then, I shut my eyes, because I couldn't look at him any longer and walked away looking like a blind chick without her stick! Luckily I didn't embarrass myself by running into a tree, or someone.


Jeanette said...

I thinks hes be meanin that it was your tits that be makin him want to gives ups the sauce for good and finds him a jobs that'll get hims the moneys to be buyin you that ring.
Shit girlfriend, yous gots to be coverin up everything now!

fatwonkkid said...

this goes back to the "you look too much like a nice person" advice I was telling you. on top of that you even acted like a nice person by giving the stranger a smoke...

anti-social and angry is the key to not being harassed!

Yoda said...

Well, can't blame the hobo! You do have awesome eyes and tits! That's 99% of what most men care for anyways ;-)

I have an eye problem too! I've got to get into the habit of walking with my eyes down and not looking into everyone who passes me by ... for some strange reason, looking up attracts TWICE the number of crazies!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Are you sure that was beer in that can?

And WTF?? I give you a fantastic award, and you don't even thank me??! I guess now that you have your new job, you're too important for us.

RAFFI said...

jenny! how can you pass up an offer like that, the man was fkn shakespeare!! i would have relentlessly laughed if you sipped the beer and if he had a ring.

Keshi said...

u do have PRETTY eyes girl!


Hammer said...

You have the worst homeless/weirdo experiences. Too bad pepper spray isn't legal there.

BEAST said...

Awww you probably made homeless mans day .
Get some dark glasses and break wind loudly whenever anyone talks to you :-)

jford said...

That post is THE PSA for quitting smoking!

Really Jen, you can't have great eyes, a marvelous figure, scathing intelligence and wit and a kind heart and not expect men - homeless or mansioned - not to hit on you! Take a water and blog break - it's better for you, and us ...

I'm glad to hear that training is done and that the new job is going well. It wont be long before we hear stories of new strange co-workers.

Have a great day!

ADW said...

By eyes, did he mean boobs? And of course we miss your back. And your front.

I have that happen a lot too. It has been pointed out to me by quite a few people that I look very innocent, when really I am a twat. ANyway, I posted some pics and one of them is the shocker, just for you.

The Man at the Pub said...

It's good to have romantic options though Jenny.

Good luck with the job!

random moments said...

You need to move. That's all there is to it. There are no homeless people wandering the streets where I live. I'll set a room up for you at my place. No need for rent, just some light cleaning would do just fine. :)

-Papa said...

Next time wear sunglasses when you step out for a smoke break. ;)

Nocturnal said...

Who knows, he may have been a millionaire in disguise trying to weed out the bad eggs. Congrats on the gig and good luck little lady.


captain corky said...

I like you for your mind and personality. And then your eyes and tits. ;)

Have fun training.

Brian in Oxford said...

I gotta go with jford on that one....there's a reason to think about stopping smoking!

Anyway, you coulda passed him off onto someone, "yo, dude...see that girl over there? i work with her, and she knows you!" -- make up some shit to get him to move on to someone else :)

Mike M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike M said...

Wait! You are in Conflicts Management now, right? The proper resolution to this was to kick this guy in the nuts, pour his beer out on the ground and then take the cigarette you gave him and put it out on the back of his neck. Conflict resolved! He won't be talking to you ever again.

You are living up to those bows on that award I gave you! You were too nice to him!

I expect better from you now Jenny! You are a Conflict Resolver. Sort of like a hit woman with a score to settle.

I expect to see blood coming from your "clients" from now on. This bum should have been rushed to the emergency room after dealing with you.

Anonymous said...


We miss you... but hope all is going great!

*~*Cece*~* said...

And this is why my mom told me not to smoke with hobo's.

Michael5000 said...

It's true, you do have purty eyes...

Akelamalu said...

See you do a good deed and you get a proposal! LOL

Glad you like the new job hon!

Stan!! said...

Dyck has it about right there.

Anonymous said...

What a shame Jenny, you must have been upset..

so you smoke?


electro-kevin said...

I don't want to worry you, Jenny - I expect he went straight back to his cardboard box and knocked one out thinking about you.

Kinda flattering don't you think ?

But if he tries the same trick on a different woman for the rest of his miserable life he's bound to strike lucky one day.

He'll eventually find his perfect 10 and she'll be wearing knee pads just about ready to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. It's a matter of mathematical probability - that pissy wino's gonna get laid.

electro-kevin said...

You may have walked away from the most fantastic lover of your life !

You can be so shallow sometimes - if only you could see past the sick in his beard and the smell of stale urine ...

... you should have loved him for his mind.

electro-kevin said...

And when you come out for your sneaky ciggy (filthy habit) and you see him being cock-smoked by not one ... but TWO beautiful amazons ! He'll wink at you and say "Hey, baby - you shoulda had me when you got the chance !" Then you'll be jealous, Jenny. You may live to regret your insouciance yet.

electro-kevin said...

Have you thought about pairing him up with Creepy Fucker ?

Flyinfox_SATX said...

A cigarette almost got you engaged. I bet that if you would have taken that sip, he would start working on your wedding night! Man, that's rough!


zen wizard said...

Well, if a guy drinks enough fortified wine, I'm sure you would look like TWINS who BOTH have pretty eyes.

In that case, he was proposing bigamy, and I am shocked & appalled.

(What's your new position again? I remember it was something more important than, "dog-style." Oh, never mind I will just scroll down and do a "refresher reading.")

Dan Mega said...

you shoulda done him

George said...

Show me the ring ... I think the ring he would have shown you is the one around his underwear

Stacie said...

When I go into the city, I always pack extra PBJ's for them. It makes me so sad to see people without homes when I have so much.
Sounds like your new job is working out so far...hopefully training will be over soon and you can relax more and do your thing.

Anonymous said...

I miss you already gorgeous!

I upgraded my template and figured out how to add you to my roll call finally!
I'm all grownsd up

Cappy said...

Do you still get to totally dominate co-workers on this one, through the lofty though unpaid responsibility of floor evacuation captain?

Dan said...

Hey! I seriously thought you looked thirsty.

Next time I won't be so pushy!

Karan said...

Regular reader, first time i'm leaving a comment.
I remember this strange incident I encountered in Germany a year back when I walked up to a couple at a station asking for directions into somewhere in the city with a glass of beer in my hand and for some reason they thought I was begging them. Now I don't speak German and they got disgusted, offered me a coin and left. I was so pissed off that day.

chuckdaddy2000 said...

I've had various weird conversations w/ homeless people (A guy insisting they speak Portugese in Mexico, one guy telling me bout his land in Washington...). It almost makes it worth it...

Michael C said...

Man, I never get hit on anymore!

Variant E said...

He didn't offer you Light beer did he? Anyway, I always thought the window to the soul was see through flip-flops.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You didn't have feelings for him after he opened his heart to you?

SMARTBuddy said...

He was eye fucking you, wasn't he?!
Yes! Ive been waiting to us that phrase again for weeks!
Congrats on, and good luck with the job.

Jason said...

i'm glad you don't take on the attitude that alll homeless people are the same, sorry you were harrased by this one

Loaf said...

Well if you will keep flashing them in public, you're going to get attention!

Need to work on that medusa stare.

Jenny! said...

Look at you being 1st! Woo hoo! Giving up the sauce is never an option!

I really need to show my hate rage better!

The other 1% would be cooch???

I would never be too important for you...and THANK YOU!

I would have slit my wrists if he pulled out a ring!

Thanks chica!

I have some in my car along with my crobar and bat! The homeless whackos are drawn to me!

Jenny! said...

I did make his day...see even I can do my part for humanity!

Oh...I have a few stories to share...I can't wait till I have time. Not done training yet dude...3 weeks total and I just started 3 days ago!

Woo hoo...shocker fave! I look approchable is the problem...I dont look crazy....but little do they know!

Pub Man:
Thanks...and romantic to me is not a 40oz and some cig butts!

Random Moments:
Thats a sweet deal...and I LOVE Cleainig so that would make me happy as hell! It's Chicago...all the damn homeless whack jobs!'

Then they would just stare at the tatas...instead of the eyes! I wonder which one is less intrusive?

Thanks dude! If he was in disguise...could he have actually given me the ring then...I am a good egg!

In that exact order? Or is it tits, eyes, personality, mind?

Brian In Ox:
You have fantastically cruel ideas! I love them!

Mike M:
I can't believe you think little ole me could be that violent...althought that scenario was playing out in my mind! I like blood!!!

I miss you guys too! And thanks...everything is dandy!

Good advice from mama!

Thanks dude!

Good deeds are occasionally rewarded...but that was not the reward I had in mind!

Now your teaming up with Dyck against me??? I love you guys!

Not really upset...just a bit annoyed! Yes...I smoke!

You made me bust a nut over all that! The last suggestion is by far my favorite! Creepy fucker and him would have some good times!

I did not want my lips to fall off from some fucked up disease after sipping his beer!

Zen Wizard:
Doggy style is my hobby...not my job!

Mega Dan: way...I will buy you lunch 1st!

Too nasty to think about...he could have pulled down his pants and showed me his O-ring...I would have vomited!

Its a great job actually...and I love it...just want ot be done training already! Your a very nice person...taking food with you in the city!

Well its about fucking time!

I will have to research that and make sure my ass is on the evac team on this floor...I need to be pushing people during fires and have a valid reason!

You need to shower more can your wife and Lulu stand livign with your stink!

Welcome aboard the comment bus! That was a really weird least you got some change out of it!

They do have some tales to tell don't they...homeless (as long as not stinky) can have some pretty fantastic things going on in those fucked up heads o ftheirs!

Michael C:
YOu need to show more cleavage dude!

Variant E:
I had to re-read that a dozen times before I caught on...your too clever for me! Soul...double it!

I couldn't get past teh fact that he was digging through an ashtray and garbage can!

He was eye fucking my eyes! Even creepier...thanks!

OF course all homeless people aren't the same...just like all blondes aren't completely dumb! I wouldn't even call that harrassment, but it was a bit too much contact for me!

I was Medusa for Halloween was bad ass...snakes and all in the hair! I really do need ot learn how to not be so intense. And flashing realy does draw a crowd!

Diesel said...

This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

Yos lookin' in my soul!

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Ok that is funny as hell and yucky at the same time! LOL

snowelf said...

Do you think he might have proposed with a plastic six pack ring?

AND I have totally missed you Jenny!!

Sometimes it sucks being a hottie. ;)


electro-kevin said...

I'm serious though, Jenny. If I was that pissy-wino and you came for me I'd say "Fuck off - no way ! You only get's one chance with me, lady" and then walk away from you leaving you crestfallen and in turmoil - a far more lasting satisfaction than any lay in a damp cardboard box.

You could well be the only babe in history to get turned down by a tramp in soiled trousers.

And what would all your blog awards count for then, Miss Smarty-Pants ?

Your credibility gone. Where will you turn ? No one will want to know you and you'll rush grateful and exhausted into the arms of your only remaining friend ...

... Creepy Fucker !

(For the benefit of readers I haven't just called our resident babe 'creepy fucker' - this is a wierd character from her addictively interesting life)

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

These sort of occassions are sad, because we still see the humanity in them.

But there is nothing we can really do.
I think we feel guilty, because we know we don't walk their road- and can never truly comprehend it.

Paul Champagne said...

Bet that's the last time you give a cig to a homeless person. Last time one asked me for a ciggarette, I told him, "Sorry, I don't smoke" this was followed by a long drag from my already lit ciggarette. I think he got the message.

Sometimes I can be an ass.

Steph said...

Haaaaaahaha! you mean you didn't take up his marriage proposal???

NamesAreHardToPick said...

Miss you too girl.

And that homless man was a fucking psycho-path. If someone's complimenting you and then trying to shove beer down your face, not cool at all.