Yo Mama!

Your Mommy Is Angelina Jolie

What You Call Her: Old Lady What people say about yo momma: Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Who's" Your Mommy?

Yum....Coffee

You Are an Iced Coffee

At your best, you are: hyper, modern, and athletic At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you're out with friends Your caffeine addiction level: medium

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

X-Men 3 Is A Must See!

You Are Wolverine

Small but fierce, you're a great fighter.Watch out! You are often you're own greatest enemy. Powers: Adamantium claws, keen senses, the ability to heal quickly

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Don and I saw this movie today and it rocked it hard! It was so much better than the 1st two. I would totally recommed it - even if your not really a fan of that genre!

I'm In Love With A Stripper

Your Stripper Song Is

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard "Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?" Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Sarah's So Smart!

Congratulations Sarah! You are officially smarter than Jeanette and I.

Sarah's graduation party was so nice! The way Sarah and her sister Noemi are together reminded me of the way me and my sisters are. I am so glad that I am the oldest, you get to pick on the little ones!

Excellent BBQ was served and I got to hold AAA for a while. She is so tiny, I miss Donovan being that small and so holdable. They grow up so fast!

Oh, by the way Sarah, I would totally date you! I will let Jeanette do you though!

The Anatomy Expert

Donovan knows a lot for his age (yes, he is the smartest 14 month old) and never ceases to amaze me. We are teaching him lots of fun things like body parts. He knows head, hands, nose (sometimes), belly button (his favorite) and my personal favorite...nipples! He proudly pulls up his shirt and points right to his little nipples. I love that boy, he's a charmer!

Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba - Cock-Su-Su-Suckie

Happy Birthday Ashley! The big 30...how exciting!

Jeanette, Sarah and I were lucky enough to be invited to Ashley's surprise birthday party at the fun and exciting Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba for a night of good friends and great tapas! We strolled into the really well decorated restaurant and found our party right away. Then we all ordered an array of tapas for the whole table to share, we drank sangria merrily as we made new friends and went home full and happy!

That would have been a nice evening!

Now what really happened...

Jeanette, Sarah and I were reluctantly invited to Ashley's surprise birthday party at the dirty and expensive Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba for a night of being ignored and treated like outsiders! We strolled into the under decorated restaurant and proceeded into the wrong party room, where we were so nicely greeted by a fugly bitch, "I DON'T THINK YOU BELONG HERE!!!" No shit Sherlock...we definitely don't belong with some stuck-up fat fucking bitch that couldn't find her g-spot if it bit her on her clit. Or so we thought...it ended up that our party was full of some stuck-up bitches, that probably don't even know what a g-spot is. Our gift for Ashley was obviously not appropriate for dinner (pornogamy), according to the evil looks and disgusted glances...but most of them probably lay in bed like stiffs while their husbands/boyfriends poke them with their little dicks (otherwise known as the, "I am too good for fucking...we only make love!" kind of people), so if they don't like our gift, oh well, it wasn't for them anyway! The three of us got to sit at one corner of the table (me in the middle for maximum footsy play with both my girls) next to the rat shit in the corner (very appealing by the way). We didn't want to split the check with the high rollers so we ordered on our own tab. The three of us split: garlic potatoes (about 2 hunks of potato each), meatballs (about 1 and 1/3 meatball each) and five bite-sized desserts (about 2 bites of each). The desserts were pretty good - the best part of the meal (that may be because we played our new game, speed-eat, with them). We tried to be nice and cordial with everyone at the table, however; they didn't seem much interested in getting to know us...I figured that out when we sat down at the table, but it became abundantly clear when the man-bitch completely turned his back to Jeanette and the she-male next to Sarah kept rolling her eyes every time Sarah got a little too close or too loud. My favorite thing was using the employee bathroom because I followed the dumb ass hostess directions to the can...Completely passing up the guest bathroom. The employee bathroom was disgusting (no wonder they have rat shit in the corners) as the toilet was crooked and you had to sit on the stall wall to go! I didn't exactly dislike the experience...Jeanette and Sarah are a blast to hang out with...but being insulted when Ashley's friends wouldn't take our money to help pay for Ashley's dinner...was a wee bit over my tolerance line!

All in all, I had a good time with my two favorite gal pals (the ride home with Ashley was much better than taking the L...thanks Scooter!) and would gladly do it again!

P.S. The valet parking dude grabbing his junk as he walked away from the car, also made it worth all the shunning!

The Bimbo at the Emission Test Office

So, I had to get my car's emissions test done last week, that was fun! For whatever reason I turn into this complete fumbling bimbo any time I am somewhere about my car (repair shop, Jiffy Lube, emission test facilities, etc). I was really nervous because I received a nice letter in the mail from Mr. Jesse White, who was going to suspend my drivers license and vehicle registration if I failed to comply. This was necessary that I passed. I failed the test two years ago because of some piece of shit CO2 censor not working right...$350.00 later...I passed. I didn't have that luxury this time...I needed to pass. I pull up to the place (new location...the fuckers at Hillside closed) and got stuck behind some complete moron who was driving about 1/2 miles an hour. I sped around him cursing obscenities that are not appropriate to repeat...not thinking that I was at a government place and perhaps getting road rage was not a good thing to show them righ now. I pulled into my testing lane (pink warning slip in hand) and didn't even have to wait. The big black guy came up to the car (I peed in my pants already because of nerves) and he asked, "Ha much mals yo gots on dis?" I replied, "None of the lights on my ODB are on!" He said, "No, how many mals yo gots?" I replied, "I drove for about an hour before I pulled in!" He asked one more time, this time find of annoyed, "NO, MALS! HOW MANY MALS YOU GOT???" I thought for a second...."OH, MILES! I didn't know what you were talking about, I thought you said MALS...as in malfunctions!" apparently I do have a few malfunctions...in my brain! He laughed and called the other guy over to make fun of me...made me feel real comfortable...ASSHOLE! After the two men were finished ripping me a new one, the black guy said, "Drive down the lane to the end and stop!" I, wanting to clarify, since I failed my last comprehension test, asked, "ALL the way to the end...like right behind the car?" The Latino man interjected, "Yes, run right into the back of the other car!" I laughed a dumbass laugh and drove off! After I got there...the bimbo didn't stop...I passed the test, but not without making a fool of myself again!

Thank God I passed!

National Condom Week

1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP

2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER

3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY

4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT

5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER

6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YOUR DONG

7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT.

8. IF U THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY

9. IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE

10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YOUR PETER

11. SHE WONT GET SICK IF U WRAP YOUR DICK

12. IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT

13. WHLE YR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS

14. WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE

15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER

16. NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER

17. DONT BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL

18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION

19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL

20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER

21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

Cinco De Mayo - AKA - May 5th - AKA - Sarah's B-Day!

Sarah's one lucky girl for being born on such a fun day! She's so infused in the Latino culture (being born on Cinco De Mayo and dating/screwing a Mexican (he he he...me too - not the born on the 5th thing...the screwing thing)! Joshue made some awesome food, enchiladas with chicken and chorizo, fantastic rice, and beans! Jeanette helped by grating some cheese...she probably didn't help...just made a mess...but we like to make her feel important, so we tell her that she helped! We had a ton of appetizers too...I brought some guacamole (ala Chipotle) and Haley brought a layered dip with chips...very festive! Ashley and Jeanette brought the booze (no surprise there). Sarah's roommates made some traditional drinks (margaritas and daiquiris)...yum! It was a grand ole time at Sarah's pad, which I love and am jealous of! Her cat is super cute too! I agree with Jeanette that the best part of the evening was Sarah opening her presents! I hope she had some fun this weekend! Wink Wink Wink!!!

Now I Remember...

Now I know why I quit blogging for about a month...NO ONE READS OR COMMENTS ON MY BLOG ANYMORE! If there are any lurkers (thanks for the new vocab word Beth) that are reading my blog...please feel free to comment, it would make me feel alot better!

Crossing Guard Hell

After my incident with the Circle and Jackson crossing guard, I have been slightly hesitant to head down that way...however, that is not possible since I live 2 blocks away and that is the quickest and most direct route home. Yesterday morning, after I picked up Jeanette, we headed to work taking our usual route (passing the crossing guard from HELL!). When we got to the intersection and almost came to a complete stop, she waved happily (mockingly) at us from across the street and gave us the biggest smile (evil grin) possible. I am so glad that we can get along after all the other stuff that happened. I know she is just trying to be a big bitch by acting all friendly and buddy-buddy...but really...I wanted there to be more heat there...more anger and resentment...I just love stand offs!!!