# 101

I have officially posted 100 blogs!

And the best part is that my 100th blog was about Big Brother...what can be better!

I Can't Believe I Haven't Blogged About This Yet!

Kaysar and Janelle

The possible All-Stars (only 14 entered the house)

I was reading Beth's blog this morning and couldn't believe myself! The new Big Brother (Big Brother 7 - All Stars) started on July 6th and I haven't even blogged about it yet! Crazy I know, since the only reason I love summer is because of BB. I am a psycho fanatic and I LOVE IT!

I literally cry if I miss it, although that is very infrequent because I am crazy for BB! I have chewed my finger nails down to stumps already and we are only 2 weeks in. Last night I got heartburn and a stomach ache during the HOH competition (for those of you non-watchers...HOH is the Head Of Household competition, which is the power position in the house for that week. The HOH has the power to nominate 2 people for eviction) because BB6 is going to be in hot water if they don't stay on their winning streak. I was so relieved when James won - it was a close one between him and Danielle. After BB, Don and I have lengthy strategy discussions, mapping out what the next move should be or what we predict will happen if said move is made. Big Brother is my kryptonite - watch out Superman!

I am really torn about who I think should win this season.

Who I DON'T want to win: Chicken George (space filler), Diane (cry baby bitch), Mike Boogie (prick) and Will (evil genius).

I wouldn't be upset if the winner was: Jase(I actually like you this season), Erika (floater but not annoying), Danielle (mastermind) , Howie (Jedi master, but an idiot) or Kaysar (he frustrates me with some of his moves, but I still love him).

I would love for the winner to be: Janelle (hottest and smartest chica in BB history), James (awesome stragetist and physical powerhouse) or Marcellas (makes me laugh so hard..."herpes or the clap!").

During BB2 I was a HUGE Dr. Will fan, and now I am just so over him and his annoying shit side-kick Boogie. I HATE Mike Boogie - he is so fucking abnoxious. If he wins, I may have to quit Big Brother forever. Or not!

The only thing that I HATE about every Big Brother season is Julie Chan - just because she's banging the head of CBS doesn't mean that she's good enough to host the best damn reality TV show ever!

I would love to talk strategy (I have so many ideas) with other fans! But not on T/Th/Sun from 7-8pm - I'll be busy watching!

Visit www.cbs.com to keep up to date on new pics and extras!

Or Visit: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/bigbrother7/polls/ to VOTE NOW!

Finally!

I found out a few days ago that Mancow is leaving Q101 and his morning show Mancow's Morning Madhouse is going off the air.

I cannot express how excited and happy I am about this. I HATE Mancow with every fiber of my being. He is such a pretencious hypocritical prick and every word that spews from that fuck stick's mouth makes me sick. I hear his voice and I want to shove pencils in my ears! I FUCKING HATE HIM! I haven't had much good news lately, so this just makes my damn week!

Fuck off and die Mancow!

Superman Didn't Suck

Don and I saw Superman last night and it didn't suck. I wasn't expecting to hate it...but I definately wasn't expecting to love it. I am not a huge fan of comic book movies, I could do without Spiderman, Hulk, and for sure Catwoman, but I love X-Men and now Superman. I actually cried (which for those of you who know me - this shouldn't suprise you - coming from the girl who cried when I was 5 in The Wizard of Oz when the wicked witch melted) but seriously...I loved it! I would recommend it to everyone, even if you don't dig the whole comic book superhero thing.

P.S. I even changed my signature pink font to red - just for the "man"!

Get Me Some Of That!

Painting Pot

Jeanette, Sarah, Audrea and I went on our last outing as a foursome yesterday since A is moving. I am kind of sad because I really enjoy Audrea's company.

We started our day out with some T.G.I.Fridays...always a good choice. Fridays has new glasses that you can purchase...real exciting shit rigth there! The only problem is the the rim of one of the glasses looks like shit, so who would buy that. I don't know about everyone else, but the last thing I want to do is drink a cocktail out of a glass that looks like it was dipped in shit.

After that we went to the place where you paint shit...no you don't actually decorate poop, you paint pottery. I don't know the name, I think it is something like The Pot You Paint? Well, I got to finger Buddha so that was exciting. Of course mine didn't turn out how I wanted it too. I am always so dissappointed in my imperfection of my pottery. High expectations are never met with my artistic abilities.

Next, we went to Coldstone and ate some delicious ice cream concoctions. I had cheesecake ice cream with black cherries and snickers mixed in! Fucking fantastic!

I then was called a "silly bitch" by the local bum and then we called it a day!

I had so much fun with my girls! Wish Audrea wasn't moving away!

Monkey See - Monkey Do

I feel like I am a really good mom - yes, I do need to preface with that, but I am now learning that Donovan really is in the mimic stage...the hard way. It is really fun to make noises and have him repeat them back, to give him directions and have him follow them and to show him how to do something and have him do it himself, but there is just one thing that I wish we didn't show him...

On Sunday I was putting away clothes on our bed when Don walked up behind me and bent me over (don't worry this is very PG) and pulled down my pants and slapped my ass. Donovan was helping me put away the clothes so he witnessed this and thought that it was real funny - he was laughing pretty hard. So now every time I bend over, Donovan tries to pull down my pants and spank me! The other night when I was picking his toys out of the bathtub, he pulled down my pants and gave me a few quick, but swift spanks. He did it today when I was making him dinner. The whole time he looks at me with that devil grin and smiles. He knows he is doing something kind of bad - he knows that hitting isn't a good thing to do...even though he tries it sometimes. It doesn't help when Don and I are both laughing so hard we snort to teach him not to pull down mamma's pants and spank her. Hopefully he will just forget and won't see that again. Now we know...don't do dirty things in front of a mimic.

History Of The F Word

History of the F Word

My favorite internet video clip!

Damn...I Haven't Blogged Since May!

I didn't think that I was actually too busy to blog lately, but I guess I was wrong. Work has been sucking balls lately...those of you who work with me know why!

My grandpa from Florida was up this past week visiting. I kind of feel left out from the family since I wasn't invited to anything that the rest of them did with my grandpa. I only saw him like 3 times and that was with Donovan so, of course, he stole the spotlight. My grandpa, mom and dad went to spread my grandma's ashes on Friday. I would have liked to go with since we didn't have any kind of "formal" goodbye for my grandma. She was cremated...Obviously...otherwise we wouldn't be spreading ashes and there was no service or funeral type thing for us to attend as a family. I really miss my grandma, but I have a hard time realizing that she is actually gone. With no funeral or service for her, it doesn't really seem like she's gone. I know that this is how she wanted it to be, but it just hasn't sunk in yet - I guess I am a little slow since she died in January.

Okay, enough of that...

Don's mom also came for a visit from Florida. She was in for a week and spent a few days with Don and Donovan. They got to go to the Field Museum and the DuPage Children's Museum, all the while...I worked! We went to a restaurant in the city named Twin Anchors on Saturday night for Don's brother's graduation dinner. It was good place...not for a 15 month old...but a fun idea. It was more of a bar than a restaurant. They wouldn't take reservations and wouldn't sit the table until the whole party was there. We had to wait over 40 minutes for our table and to get to the table, we had to walk through a very crowded bar (Saturday night on the northside) - so that was so much fun. The food was good...but not worth all the hassle. Maybe if we had left Donovan at home we would have had more fun.

So to re-cap the last few weeks of my life...I have felt very left out!

Yo Mama!

Your Mommy Is Angelina Jolie

What You Call Her: Old Lady What people say about yo momma: Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Who's" Your Mommy?

Yum....Coffee

You Are an Iced Coffee

At your best, you are: hyper, modern, and athletic At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you're out with friends Your caffeine addiction level: medium

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

X-Men 3 Is A Must See!

You Are Wolverine

Small but fierce, you're a great fighter.Watch out! You are often you're own greatest enemy. Powers: Adamantium claws, keen senses, the ability to heal quickly

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Don and I saw this movie today and it rocked it hard! It was so much better than the 1st two. I would totally recommed it - even if your not really a fan of that genre!

I'm In Love With A Stripper

Your Stripper Song Is

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard "Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?" Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Sarah's So Smart!

Congratulations Sarah! You are officially smarter than Jeanette and I.

Sarah's graduation party was so nice! The way Sarah and her sister Noemi are together reminded me of the way me and my sisters are. I am so glad that I am the oldest, you get to pick on the little ones!

Excellent BBQ was served and I got to hold AAA for a while. She is so tiny, I miss Donovan being that small and so holdable. They grow up so fast!

Oh, by the way Sarah, I would totally date you! I will let Jeanette do you though!

The Anatomy Expert

Donovan knows a lot for his age (yes, he is the smartest 14 month old) and never ceases to amaze me. We are teaching him lots of fun things like body parts. He knows head, hands, nose (sometimes), belly button (his favorite) and my personal favorite...nipples! He proudly pulls up his shirt and points right to his little nipples. I love that boy, he's a charmer!

Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba - Cock-Su-Su-Suckie

Happy Birthday Ashley! The big 30...how exciting!

Jeanette, Sarah and I were lucky enough to be invited to Ashley's surprise birthday party at the fun and exciting Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba for a night of good friends and great tapas! We strolled into the really well decorated restaurant and found our party right away. Then we all ordered an array of tapas for the whole table to share, we drank sangria merrily as we made new friends and went home full and happy!

That would have been a nice evening!

Now what really happened...

Jeanette, Sarah and I were reluctantly invited to Ashley's surprise birthday party at the dirty and expensive Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba for a night of being ignored and treated like outsiders! We strolled into the under decorated restaurant and proceeded into the wrong party room, where we were so nicely greeted by a fugly bitch, "I DON'T THINK YOU BELONG HERE!!!" No shit Sherlock...we definitely don't belong with some stuck-up fat fucking bitch that couldn't find her g-spot if it bit her on her clit. Or so we thought...it ended up that our party was full of some stuck-up bitches, that probably don't even know what a g-spot is. Our gift for Ashley was obviously not appropriate for dinner (pornogamy), according to the evil looks and disgusted glances...but most of them probably lay in bed like stiffs while their husbands/boyfriends poke them with their little dicks (otherwise known as the, "I am too good for fucking...we only make love!" kind of people), so if they don't like our gift, oh well, it wasn't for them anyway! The three of us got to sit at one corner of the table (me in the middle for maximum footsy play with both my girls) next to the rat shit in the corner (very appealing by the way). We didn't want to split the check with the high rollers so we ordered on our own tab. The three of us split: garlic potatoes (about 2 hunks of potato each), meatballs (about 1 and 1/3 meatball each) and five bite-sized desserts (about 2 bites of each). The desserts were pretty good - the best part of the meal (that may be because we played our new game, speed-eat, with them). We tried to be nice and cordial with everyone at the table, however; they didn't seem much interested in getting to know us...I figured that out when we sat down at the table, but it became abundantly clear when the man-bitch completely turned his back to Jeanette and the she-male next to Sarah kept rolling her eyes every time Sarah got a little too close or too loud. My favorite thing was using the employee bathroom because I followed the dumb ass hostess directions to the can...Completely passing up the guest bathroom. The employee bathroom was disgusting (no wonder they have rat shit in the corners) as the toilet was crooked and you had to sit on the stall wall to go! I didn't exactly dislike the experience...Jeanette and Sarah are a blast to hang out with...but being insulted when Ashley's friends wouldn't take our money to help pay for Ashley's dinner...was a wee bit over my tolerance line!

All in all, I had a good time with my two favorite gal pals (the ride home with Ashley was much better than taking the L...thanks Scooter!) and would gladly do it again!

P.S. The valet parking dude grabbing his junk as he walked away from the car, also made it worth all the shunning!

The Bimbo at the Emission Test Office

So, I had to get my car's emissions test done last week, that was fun! For whatever reason I turn into this complete fumbling bimbo any time I am somewhere about my car (repair shop, Jiffy Lube, emission test facilities, etc). I was really nervous because I received a nice letter in the mail from Mr. Jesse White, who was going to suspend my drivers license and vehicle registration if I failed to comply. This was necessary that I passed. I failed the test two years ago because of some piece of shit CO2 censor not working right...$350.00 later...I passed. I didn't have that luxury this time...I needed to pass. I pull up to the place (new location...the fuckers at Hillside closed) and got stuck behind some complete moron who was driving about 1/2 miles an hour. I sped around him cursing obscenities that are not appropriate to repeat...not thinking that I was at a government place and perhaps getting road rage was not a good thing to show them righ now. I pulled into my testing lane (pink warning slip in hand) and didn't even have to wait. The big black guy came up to the car (I peed in my pants already because of nerves) and he asked, "Ha much mals yo gots on dis?" I replied, "None of the lights on my ODB are on!" He said, "No, how many mals yo gots?" I replied, "I drove for about an hour before I pulled in!" He asked one more time, this time find of annoyed, "NO, MALS! HOW MANY MALS YOU GOT???" I thought for a second...."OH, MILES! I didn't know what you were talking about, I thought you said MALS...as in malfunctions!" apparently I do have a few malfunctions...in my brain! He laughed and called the other guy over to make fun of me...made me feel real comfortable...ASSHOLE! After the two men were finished ripping me a new one, the black guy said, "Drive down the lane to the end and stop!" I, wanting to clarify, since I failed my last comprehension test, asked, "ALL the way to the end...like right behind the car?" The Latino man interjected, "Yes, run right into the back of the other car!" I laughed a dumbass laugh and drove off! After I got there...the bimbo didn't stop...I passed the test, but not without making a fool of myself again!

Thank God I passed!

National Condom Week

1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP

2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER

3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY

4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT

5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER

6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YOUR DONG

7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT.

8. IF U THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY

9. IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE

10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YOUR PETER

11. SHE WONT GET SICK IF U WRAP YOUR DICK

12. IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT

13. WHLE YR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS

14. WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE

15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER

16. NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER

17. DONT BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL

18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION

19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL

20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER

21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

Cinco De Mayo - AKA - May 5th - AKA - Sarah's B-Day!

Sarah's one lucky girl for being born on such a fun day! She's so infused in the Latino culture (being born on Cinco De Mayo and dating/screwing a Mexican (he he he...me too - not the born on the 5th thing...the screwing thing)! Joshue made some awesome food, enchiladas with chicken and chorizo, fantastic rice, and beans! Jeanette helped by grating some cheese...she probably didn't help...just made a mess...but we like to make her feel important, so we tell her that she helped! We had a ton of appetizers too...I brought some guacamole (ala Chipotle) and Haley brought a layered dip with chips...very festive! Ashley and Jeanette brought the booze (no surprise there). Sarah's roommates made some traditional drinks (margaritas and daiquiris)...yum! It was a grand ole time at Sarah's pad, which I love and am jealous of! Her cat is super cute too! I agree with Jeanette that the best part of the evening was Sarah opening her presents! I hope she had some fun this weekend! Wink Wink Wink!!!

Now I Remember...

Now I know why I quit blogging for about a month...NO ONE READS OR COMMENTS ON MY BLOG ANYMORE! If there are any lurkers (thanks for the new vocab word Beth) that are reading my blog...please feel free to comment, it would make me feel alot better!