Frivolous Shit!

Most-Wanted: The Dog!!!

A man who didn't have a will left a $2 million estate, but the most hotly contested item in court has been his golden retriever, Alex. The four-way dispute over the 13-year-old pet was so intense, an attorney was appointed to represent the dog's interest. On Monday, the judge decided the man's divorced parents should split custody, The Commercial Appeal reported."At first glance, the petition seems almost frivolous, but after speaking with all parties, it is evident that this is a highly emotional issue for all involved," said Alex's attorney. Ron Callan Jr., 35, committed suicide on New Year's Day. In the consent order the judge approved, the elder Callan and his ex-wife, Esther Snow Gnall, will trade custody of Alex every two weeks. Both parents also agreed to take the dog to the veterinarian for arthritis treatments and any other needed procedures. Before the agreement was reached, the elder Callan had custody and took Alex to work during the day. The father has cats at home, though, so at night, the dog stayed with Callan Jr.'s former girlfriend, who had known Alex since he was a puppy. The son's fiancee also was interested in Alex, and Gnall had said if she won custody, she would allow the fiancee to spend time with the dog. Royal, the dog's attorney, said he believes all four people love Alex and would take good care of him, but they were using the fight for the dog to punish each other for past transgressions."This case is similar to a bitter custody battle involving children where each party loves the children, but the kids are stuck between two people who cannot coexist," the attorney said in his report. Copyright © 2007, The Associated Press

Are you fucking kidding me! Now, if this was Lassie, then maybe I would understand...but no! These people obviously have too much money, too much time, and too little brain! It's a fucking dog! I can take the $2 million estate off their hands to help heal their wounds, shit, I'd even give them my two dogs!

Derby Hats

I guess wearing lavish hats is a tradition at the Kentucky Derby...um, okay...why?

Here are a few that caught my eye...

I like the hat because its a very artsy picture. Her lipstick matches the rose shade almost perfectly and she looks very sophisticated. I guess I like the picture more than the hat itself.

So, it's not the hat in this picture that grabbed my attention. It's Star Jones and her floppy weird looking boobs. I can't stop looking at them...gross! I also can't take my eyes off of her extremely long fingers and have this mental picture of her gripping Stedman's johnson (wait is Stedman Ophrah's man???)

This is a really ugly hat, however; worn by Jenny McCarthy it looks stunning. She is my favorite celebrity female of all time. I think she is the most gorgeous girl. She is very talented as well: Playboy Playmate (doesn't take talent, just a banging body and a great rack, which she has), a TV host (most fantastic show on MTV years ago), a writer (I think she has written two books) and actress (also doesn't take talent, just a Playboy membership in tow). But that's okay, because I will never stop loving her! I should put my Jenny McCarthy boner away now and move on!

She only wants me for my pimp juice!

I'll let Nelly take this one...

"You actin like you never seen it befo' Like them country boys ain't got no dough Bitch please - GET OUT - but don't you slam that do' DUST YOUR SHOES OFF - befo' you touch that flo' Cause you wanna put your feet on my rug, don'tcha? You really wanna put your feet on my rug, don'tcha? You're in a hurry - SLOW DOWN - and I might letcha touch it You ain't from Russia, so bitch why you rushin'?"

"Pimp juice - oooooooooh-ooooooooh-hoooooooo I think I need to let it loose (might think I need to let it loose) Let her loose, let her loooooose She only want me for my pimp juice (that's all she want me for f'real) Not my pimp juice, I'm talkin new pimp juiceI think I need to cut her loose (it's time for homegirl to recognize) Yes I do, yes I doooooo-hoooo"

Weekend Recap

Friday:

* Worked my butt off at work, for the first time ever at my new job!

* Celebrated Sarah's birthday by going out to dinner at Rockit and then to Howl at the Moon for drinks and music. It was the most fun I have had at a bar in a long time. Howl at the Moon is a dueling piano bar where you make requests and they play them...excellently! My ears are still ringing. It was a good night with my girls! We took the train back and Ashley sat in piss, it was fantastic! Sarah's fiance picked us up from the train and tried to get a foursome going...no such luck my man, he didn't provide my Snickers which is required for group sex!

Saturday:

* Had my first Saturday off of work since like two years and it was excellent. I spent time with Donovan and we went on a Mommy/Son date. Donovan and I decided to celebrate Cinqo di Mayo at Lalo's (Donovan is a quarter Mexican). I had the most wonderful burrito and he ate chicken nuggets and ketchup...I know, not very Mexican, but whatever he's two! Then we watched trains, cars and trucks go by beside the expressway. It was a good day!

* The horse I picked to win in the Kentucky Derby actually won...great job Street Sense! I wish I had actually bet money on it!

Sunday:

* Put in some overtime at work...the extra cash is sweet!

* Went out to dinner with my boys and that's about it! Donovan has a newly required addiction to Shrek so we bought Shrek 2 and I forgot how fucking funny that movie was! I love Donkey!

* Didn't get any action this weekend, fucking Don has pink eye and a severe cold and the medicine is making him drowsy or what not! Sucks! Should have taken up Sarah's fiance on his offer!

Breast Talk

So, during lunch I was trying to decide what to post about this afternoon. After thinking long and hard (no I am not referring to your junk Ratty), and noticing a man staring, I decided on breastfeeding. I am huge advocate for breastfeeding, in fact I feel that a woman should breastfeed her baby unless there is a medical reason why she can't. There is no good reason to not breastfeed. Now, I'm not a crazy La Lecha League member or anything, but it's one of those things that I feel strongly about.

My questions is this...Do men who are not breastfeed as infants stare at woman's tits more than men who were breastfeed?

Here's what I am thinking...all men like boobs...right??? The psychological link is that men are attracted to large breasts because they would be able to provide more milk for their children and ensure survival (back in the day). So are modern day men craving breasts because they weren't breastfeed? Since we no longer have to relay on breast milk for our children's survival, are breasts just becoming unimportant? And will they eventually genetically phase out because there isn't a practical use for boobs anymore (covering with whipped cream isn't practical...FYI)?

Going To Lunch!

I am going to go to lunch now...but I think I will post when I get back! I actually had some work to do this morning, fucking work, interfering with my blogging addiction!

Tag

I was tagged by Hammer! This is a meme...which I now know what that is...thanks again Hammer!

1. What is the stupidest mistake you have ever made with money?
I am cheap so I can't think of anything big...probably having $500 cash in my wallet and then leaving my purse unattended around bastard children at work.

2. Do you think taxes are unfair or do you think it's your civic duty?
I think that paying taxes is a civic duty, however; I hate doing it and I hate seeing the way my tax dollars are spent, I dream about what I could buy with the taxes I pay...having a kid helps with that!

3. Do you take risks and possibly turn your life upside down for new opportunity?
I am a conservative risk taker...I will take risks, but not risk everything in the process.

4. Are you the alpha in your household?
I wear pants!

5. Do you compromise with your significant other or does someone always get their way?
I am stubborn so I have a hard time compromising, but I do try.

6. What curse word do you use most often?
Fuck

7. Do you easily change your mind or are you dead set on most issues?
I'm as stubborn as a bull...I can sometimes understand the other side, but NEVER change my mind.

8. What famous person would you like to trade places with for one week?
Brad Pitt...I would spend the week touching myself naughty!

9. If you could go back in time and tell one person off, who would it be and what would you say? I would tell off the girl who caused the car accident I was in a few years ago. She was such a bitch, I had a visibly shattered humerus all twisted and shit and was unable to get out of my car and she was yelling at me to get out of the car...um, hello, you totalled my car and the doors don't work...help me! There are other things she did, but I won't get into that. I would not have very nice things to say to her! I would probably end up killing her so it's best that time travel isn't an option for me.

10. Were you a good student or did you do just enough to get by?
I was both, I did just enough to get by with A's - which wasn't very hard! I never found school challenging.

11. If you could give one piece of advice to someone just starting out on their own, what would you tell them?
Get out of your parents house, never go back and be independent. Find your own way!

12. Are people basically good and honest or are most people opportunistic and predatory?
I think most people are good at heart, but evil things, thoughts, and actions are just too tempting for most peoples will.

13. Is there somebody you wish you could go back and apologize to?
Nope!

For My British Guys!

Britain's Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown gets tangled up in netting from balloons which were released during the opening of Westfield School in Sheffield.

So guys, tell me is he a good egg or a bad egg?

He looks kind of like a doofus, but embarrasing shit happens!

Bitch and Bone

He just won...you don't need to tell me that...

I can tell by the massive boner in his shorts!

Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey pictured after attending a hearing at the Federal Court House in Washington, is being accused of running a prostitution ring in the Washington area that allegedly catered to upscale clients. I don't know about everyone else, but what kind of people would pay her money...she hit every branch on her fall from the ugly tree.

Great! A Fucking Rally!

Marchers are beginning to gather west of Chicago's Loop for today's immigration rights march and rally. Police officers have also begun setting up crowd control barricades along the demonstration route, which is expected to draw thousands of marchers. Organizers are hoping to mimic last year's rally when 400,000 flag-waving, chanting participants gathered in the heart of downtown. Chicago police, anticipating today's march will be larger than first expected, announced Monday that demonstrators will be rerouted to Grant Park instead of Daley Plaza, where the rally had been scheduled to take place. Police attributed the 11th-hour switch to public safety concerns, after anger over a bust at an alleged fake-ID business in Little Village last week stirred up emotions surrounding the march. The change surprised march organizers, who had chosen Daley Plaza as the symbolic heart of the city. The venue, they hoped, would lend weight to calls to legalize the country's estimated 12 million undocumented immigrants and to stop federal raids.

That was an exert from the Chicago Tribune describing today's rally. Illegal immigration is a hot topic for me that I am not going to touch upon in my Blog. I was annoyed that they were going to be meeting at the Daley Plaza because that is where I get on the L to go home and the last thing I want to do is fight my way through angry protesters to go home. I would probably end up punching someone in the face and that just wouldn't be good! I am so glad that they are being rerouted to Grant Park instead. I just better not be inconvenienced during my lunch hour!!! It's all about me...not the 12 million ILLEGAL immigrants!!!

Just one thing (I just can't keep it in)...they are protesting against Federal raids...um, maybe if you are breaking the law you should expect the law to break you! Fuck!!!

Bong Table and Hot Guys!

lt looks like exquisite marble, but the Bong table is made of mere plastic — a feat of technology harnessed by Italian design maestro Giulio Cappellini. The round coffee table at the Salone in Milan gets its white Carrara marblelike good looks from a sophisticated chemical process.

Can someone explain to me why it is named "the Bong"??? And what kind of technological "feat" are we harnessing here? It is plastic...right?!? Maybe I am just ignorant to the importance of this table and the impact that it will have on society.

Special forces of the German police are seen on a helicopter during a training session over Frankfurt, Germany.

These guys are bad ass...I want to do that...or rather have sex with the ones who do that!

Bored and Paid

I have been kind of a psycho lately with the blogging. My new job has given me lots and lots of time to blog, peruse the Internet, and stalk my email. I have been told that this is the "slow" time of the year at The Firm and that we will be busy soon. I have also been told that if there isn't any work to do, do whatever you want, just make sure those phones are answered...um, you must mean the two or three calls that come in every day? So, I sit here getting paid (decently) for blogging, listening to music and obsessively commenting and re-commenting. I have to apologize to those of you who have fallen victim to my obsessive commenting! I wish everyone had a job like mine so we could comment back and forth all day long! It gets lonely and boring here, so please blog more people!

This One's For Don!

Hawking in zero gravity in this handout photo provided by Zero Gravity Corp., astrophysicist Stephen Hawking floats on a zero-gravity jet, Thursday. The modified jet carrying Hawking, a handful of his physicians and nurses and dozens of others first flew up to 24,000 feet over the Atlantic Ocean off Florida. Nurses lifted Hawking and carried him to the front of the jet, where they placed him on his back atop a special foam pillow. The plane made a total of eight parabolic dips, including two during which Hawking made two weightless flips like "a gold-medal gymnast," said Peter Diamandis, chairman of Zero Gravity Corp., the company that owns the jet. Doesn't Hawking kind of look like Robin Williams???

Art My Ass!

Swiss artist Jean-Frederic Schnyder's artwork "Waegeli" (little push chairs) is pictured in the museum for contemporary art in Basel, Switzerland, on April 27. Are you kidding me...that's art! I have a really hard time swallowing some of the "contemporary art" that we place in museums. Yeah, that's art...the art of being a crazy ass time waster!

They're Totally Gonna Do It!

Sen. Barack Obama, left, shares a laugh with Sen. Hilary Clinton, prior to the start of the '08 Democratic presidential primary debate hosted by the South Carolina State University. There seems to be a lot of sexual tension here, I think Bill might get his wish (oh, wait...he wishes for her death, not her adultery)!

Holding Hands In The City

Something that I have noticed the last few weeks while I have been out and about in the city is that couples hold hands while walking. Now it's not like I have never seen this happen before, but EVERYONE does it. Is there a rule for the city of Chicago that if you are a couple and walking on a public sidewalk, you MUST hold hands. It becomes very frustrating for non-hand holding people because the sidewalks are only so big and the hand holders tend to walk slower than the rest of us non-hand holders. It is really really annoying being stuck behind them. I have also noticed that they seem vicious. If you walk to close to "their" man you get an evil glare and they grab hold of "their" man tightly and pull them in close. Now listen sugar, I DON'T want your man, I WANT to walk across the street! Ease up a bit Chicago couples (specifically women), no wonder your "man" doesn't want to hit it every night with you, but opts for shooting pool with the girls at the Admiral and spankin' it later!

Funny Pics!

Can't think of anything to write about today, so here are a few pictures that I found entertaining!

Are My Boobs Hanging Out???

Today was an odd day. It's not like this has never happened to me before, but three men totally hit on me today.

The first was early this morning on my train ride to work. I got off the "L" and started walking to work, someone tapped on my shoulder, I turn around, it's a big black man (big as in buff, not beefy). He asked me if I had a couple of minutes to chat, I said, "Um, what?" I am not the nicest person to strangers and don't really like to be sidetracked by stupid people asking stupid questions. He was like, "Well, I just had to talk to you. I noticed you on the train but it was too loud to talk to you. I missed my stop just so I could come talk to you." I was like, "Oh, well, sorry you missed your stop for nothing, but I am not available or interested." He was like, "So, does that mean I won't get your phone number?" Me, "Yeah!" Him, "Can't we just be friends?" Me, "That is obviously not what you want and I am aware of your ulterior motives, so NO!" He then preceded to tell me that I have the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen and he takes my hand and kisses it. I told him that I have to go, and I washed my hands with hand sanitizer as soon as I was around the next corner. I also checked to make sure that he wasn't following me.

The next guy is one of the doormen in my building, who totally eye raped my chest and winked at me. Later in the day, he followed me outside and asked if he could take me out sometime...Um, NO!

The third was some pervy looking old guy on the elevator going up to my floor, who asked me, "Are you single?" I responded, "Um, NO!" He was like, "Well, if you ever become single, look me up!" Me, "Yeah, okay!?"

Now, I wasn't wearing anything very revealing or showy today, you would have thought that I was wearing nothing but pasties and a g-string, so I am not quite sure what all the fuss is about. I seriously thought that my tits were hanging out or my vagina was on display.

Weird!

White House 2008

As the election approaches, I find myself pondering the choices! This election is going to be a tough one for me, because no one stands out as a leader. I am not happy with any of the choices. I would like to know what everyone else is thinking about the candidates.

Sam Brownback

Newt Gingrich
James Gilmore
Rudolph Giuliani
Mike Huckabee
Duncan Hunter
John McCain
Mitt Romney
Tom Tancredo
Tommy Thompson

Joseph Biden
Hillary Clinton
Christopher Dodd
John Edwards
Mike Gravel
Dennis Kucinich
Barack Obama
Bill Richardson

Concert Ramblings

I went to the Christina Aguilar concert on Saturday night and was not impressed (sorry J-Dawg). The first opening act was Danity Kane, who sucked it up the butt! I have never heard five girls sound like dying cows on stage. I never watched the show on MTV so I have no connection to them. It was a sorry sight, I could have gotten up there with my girls and performed better (well, except for the cute little outfits with the "banging" bodies in them). The next act was The Pussycat Dolls. Now I went to the concert thinking that I was going to take a nap during their act or just stand outside and smoke, but seriously they were AWESOME! I now consider myself an honorary Pussy! Those girls have the tightest bodies I have ever seen. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, moves on them when they dance. There are 6 Pussies total and it appears that 5 of them are completely useless except for the dancing they do. They work their sweet tight asses off on the stage, I bet they slept real good that night! If it wasn't for the fact that they look like trannies in the face, I would totally turn into a carpet muncher! So, anyway, I guess I should put my boner away and get to the main attractions. I like Christina, don't love her like J-Dawg, but she's okay. I have to say that her Dirty Tour was a much better show. I guess I like my girls "Dirty", not all classy and shit. I am tired of going to concerts and feeling like I am going to a Broadway production. I miss the days when there weren't all the props and costume changes. X-Tina actually had a circus set for a portion of the concert, I was shocked that it didn't smell like elephant shit and nasty kids in there. I wish performers would just have a concert and sing, a little dancing is okay, but nothing staged and choreographed. Tickets are so damn expensive and if you want a souvenir forget it, it would be cheaper to buy a life time supply of blow jobs from the hooker down the street. I miss the olden days of cheap tickets, no fuss and muss and just the artist and his/her music.

My New Job!

I have officially completed my 1st week at my new job. I love it! I am working at a law firm in Chicago and there are so many benefits compared to my previous employer. I am being placed where I was hoping and couldn't be more excited to get in there and clean my desk. The person that has been working that desk is a complete pig (she is great and all, but seriously....does your keyboard have to be so slick that my fingers slide off the keys and the phone has to smell like beef???)! I feel like a "big" girl working in the city! I can't wait to share stories about nasty people that I observe on the "L". The pictures above are of my building. My desk is on the 45th floor on the South side. I am lucky enough to have a window desk that has an amazing view of downtown Chicago. The only down side is that walking across the river is HELL...the wind is so fierce that I can barely hold on to my bag, let alone my breath! When people refer to Chicago as "The Windy City" I always get a little annoyed, but now that I have to walk that...it is so fricking true!