Halloween's Coming!

I think this man may need some help removing his dick from this ginormous pumpkin! I wonder if he mistook the pumpkin for his wife?

Childrens Do Learn?

President Bush makes me feels smart!

Pleasure Party

I went to my first Pleasure Party on Friday and I have to say that it was quite fun! So fun, in fact, that I am hosting my own next month. They have some pretty entertaining products, some are really cheesy or cheap, but most are good quality. I sprayed some pheromone perfume on and supposedly it is supposed to make men go crazy over me, but all it accomplished was getting me humped by my friends three dogs!

The group was a bit mixed and hearing stories of some of the other nasty woman's favorite sex toy...was not cool! I don't really want to picture these woman using these products because it makes them really unappealing. There were a few really "tough" chicks...the kind of chick you would not want to come face to face with in a dark alley...these bitches could have kicked my ass! They were drinking heavily and have been to a ton of these parties and have just about every product available. One woman told everyone that she, "needs a quite vibrator so that her kids don't hear me masturbating in the other room." Oh! Well, maybe she could wait until her kids went to sleep before she abuses her twat with some vibrator that requires a 9 volt battery! Another woman mentioned that her husband likes the Raging Bull vibrator because he can watch football while his wife sits on his dick. Hmmm, that sounds like the kind of sex I want! I think instead of spending all her money on vibrators, she needs to spend some time finding a new man...one that is actually interested in having sex with her! Although, if I was her husband...I wouldn't want my cock anywhere near her scary ass vagina...so I can't really fault him for wanting to watch football. I have been dabbling with the idea of becoming a party consultant as a part-time gig for extra cash, and this is for sure the most entertaining of the choices. I mentioned to the consultant that I thought having an all man Pleasure Party would pull in a lot of cash, but she disagreed with me and said that men would just laugh and giggle about everything and then not buy anything. Well, I still disagree with her "expertise"...I think if you had a Pleasure Party for all men, they would buy ALOT for their wives and girlfriends. I think that having a woman talking about different vibrators, lotions and other toys with a group of men would convince them to buy. What do you guys think? If I hosted a party like this that had all these fun sex toys and accessories would you buy stuff for your girlfriend or wife?

Can you guess which of the 3 items I purchased from the 4 pictures above?

Fucking Freegans!

Freegans are a growing subculture that have opted out of capitalism by cutting spending habits and living off consumer waste...meaning these people fucking pick food out of garbage cans and eat it! Dumpster diving for furniture and bikes is one thing, but eating shit from dumpsters is another. I find this revolting and disgusting!
Madeline Nelson is paving the way for other Freegans by leading "Trash Tours" in New York. Freeganism was born out of environmental justice and anti-globalization movements from the 1980s. The concept was inspired in part by groups like "Food Not Bombs," an international organization that feeds the homeless with surplus food that's often donated by businesses. Madeline Nelson use to make a six-figure income before she quit her job...and now she is eating out of trash bins and making "gourmet" meals from scraps and not spending a cent.

This is NOT something that I would support, but if you want to eat garbage...go for it weirdos! I do think that we are a wasteful society, but I would not go so far as to forage for my meals. I will not be pulling a chair up to the garbage can and having Donovan "hunt" for his food anytime soon. I think Freegans should change their identity to Free-Loaders! Most of them, according to the article I read, live with parents or friends or in abandoned buildings and they don't work (unless absolutely necessary). So, what I am getting from all this is that the Freegan movement is a bunch of hippies that don't want to work for "The Man" so they free load off of friends, family and garbage.

Here's what I think that these fucking Freegans should do...they should work with grocery chains and have them put uncontaminated foods that are still edible, but would be trashed, to the side and have volunteer Freegans pick up the food and bring it to homeless shelters. I agree that tons of satisfactory food is thrown away every day, just because the peach is a bit bruised, doesn't make it inedible. If they would work out a system with the grocers and volunteer their time to picking up the food from the grocery stores instead of waiting till it hits the trash cans, they could salvage a lot more food and make it a lot less work by having to sort out the shit. They could feed loads more people by working WITH grocery stores instead of digging through the fucking trash. My guess is that the average self-proclaimed Freegan is too lazy to try and organize this sort of plan...that would take some actual work!

Fucking Freegans!

No Skanks Allowed!

We have all heard about the fiasco between Southwest Airlines and the skanky dressed Kyla Ebberts, right? The controversy erupted in July after the hoochie mama was asked by an airline employee at San Diego International Airport to change her miniskirt, top and sweater or get off the plane. The hoodrat, a waitress at a Hooters, was allowed to stay on the flight to Tucson after pulling her skirt down a bit and her top up. The skeezer, pictured below, was allegedly wearing this outfit. I don't really see how that outfit was all that bad, she's not even showing cleavage, cooch on the other hand you can probably see plenty of. But honestly, if Southwest is going to ask her to change her outfit then they should ask all the trash to put on clean clothes and all the stink asses to put on deodorant before being allowed to fly. I know I would rather sit next to her trampy ass than some smelly ass BO stankin fat bastard. What I don't get is why someone would WANT to wear that little amount of clothes on the plane...I don't want my vagina even coming close to touching that dirty seat fabric!

She obviously wasn't the classiest girl on the plane, but I am guessing she didn't smell like rotting feces either! I think airlines should implement rules about people that smell. If you smell like a maggot infested taco...you should not be allowed. Having offensive body odor is much worse than looking like a two dollar hooker!

Here's a pictures of Southwest flight attendants uniforms awhile ago...hmmm, does that look similar to the skank's apparel to anyone else? This is the perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black! Southwest shamelessly marketing their airlines by having cute chicks scantily dressed and autographing posters of planes for horny teenage boys! I think that this girl below has less clothes on than Kyla Ebbert did...and she WORKS for Southwest!

My girls and I will be flying Southwest next summer to got to California for a wedding and we are all going to dress like hookers...we want to see if we can get kicked off the plane too! We can get free plane tickets out of it...so I think it's worth it!

Naughty Food!

I made a deal with a friend of Loaf's that I would post pictures of me using a cucumber as a dildo...If I got to see his cucumber first! Well, below is what he sent...and I don't think it counts (still entertaining) but not enough for me!



I hope everyone has a fan-fucking-tastic weekend! I will hopefully get a chance to catch up with everyone...work has been busier than a gang-bang fluffer!

Spunk For Sale!

I found this bottle containing a substance which looks suspiciously like splooge in a gift shop this weekend. Why would I pay nine dollars for baby batter when I can get it at home for free? I wonder how many men had to bust their nut to fill a 12oz bottle?Spunk rocks!

8 Legged Freaks and More!

Lake Tawokoni State Park rangers Mike and Freddie monitor a rare, giant communal spider web at the park near Willis Point, Texas. Why are Mike and Freddie just standing there...they need to get a fucking broom and take the fucker down! Right outside my window at work are a colony of fat juicy spiders...nasty mofo's! They are so damn big...I have no idea how they can live that far up on a high rise. I would not want to be the window washers...I would for sure fall off while frantically screaming and swinging my arms around my head. Spiders that are fat and juicy make my skin crawl!
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One of my new co-workers is straight out of a Renaissance fair. She is creepy but not nearly as scary as creepy doll fucker was. This chick has a hard time with eye contact and kind of sways uncomfortably when your talking to her. She came running up to me on my second day and grabbed my arm and told me, "I have Kleenex!" I said (as nicely as possible), "Okay...good for you...I have Kleenex too!" She then told me that I could use her Kleenex anytime I wanted and I didn't need to even ask her....I could just grab one if I needed it! Wow...fantastic! How nice and weird of her! So, to give you all an idea of what she looks like...take a look at the picture below.





Nice right! Now imagine that girl but subtract about 4 cup sizes from the tits, add about 368 pounds, subtract two feet from the height and then chop of her head and add the face of a retarded mule. That's my new co-worker!
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Since I have so much time on my hands (I wish)....Loaf and I started a new blog dedicated to food and beverages. Food is the next best thing to sex...so why not have a blog about it! Take a look at our food porn at Carnal Cuisine! If you have any pictures of food that you have cooked that looks too good to eat...email them to me and we will post. Or if you have any good recipes that you would like to share...let us know!

Eye Trouble!

Oh....finally I can breathe!

My first day at my new position was great...I love it! I am looking forward to training ending and me being on my own at the job. It will take about three weeks for me to get acclimated...but I am expecting that to go a bit quicker as I am catching on really quickly so far. I will try so hard to keep up with your blogs...but I may be shoddy for a few days! I miss you guys already! You all better miss me back!

A little conversation I had with a homeless man yesterday left me wanting to burn my eyes out. I was outside having a smoke break, talking on the phone to Don when a homeless dude came up and started digging through the ashtray for cigarette butts. I find it appalling that they do that, so I gave him a cigarette and in return he offered me a sip of his beer. His open can of beer! I told him, "No, I don't want any of your beer, thanks!" Don was still on the phone and telling me to, "move away from him." The homeless dude kept trying to shove his beer at me telling me to, "takes a sips miss!"I kept shaking my head, then hung up with Don...that was a mistake. The dude then went on to tell me that, "Ya gotz the mos beuful eyes I eva see." All the while staring me down...HARD! He went on and on about how, "yo eyes are lookin rights in my souls...yos breakin my heart, cuz yo eye be like pierce rights throw me." After I said, "thank you" about 15 times, he started to walk away saying that, "If I's stay looking at yo eyes any longa, I gonna propose to you. Yo breaking my heart, seeing in my soul like that!" I said, "Show me the ring!" Then, I shut my eyes, because I couldn't look at him any longer and walked away looking like a blind chick without her stick! Luckily I didn't embarrass myself by running into a tree, or someone.

Housekeeping!

Sorry folks...but I got another two awards and two more tags! No need to congratulate me...I know I am special! If you so choose, you can skip all the way down to the bottom for a quick update on my day so far!

Thanks Mike M for giving me an award...it's about time dude...you get like 5 fucking awards every week...and FINALLY you have decided to pass one on to me! Just bustin your balls! Thank you very much! I am a nice person! Here's what Mike has to say about sweet little me...

"Jenny! has got to be the coolest "white chick" around. Even though she takes a hard line with the jerks on the train and the crazy ladies at the office, she has got a heart of gold. Some of her comments prove that. Sorry for calling you out Jenny!. You're just a nice person."

I got called out! I really am a nice person...just ask...hmmm...just ask...well, you all know I am nice...and if you say otherwise I might be forced to beat you into agreement!

Here comes my superficial mean person escaping...and I just can't stop it! This award is great...and I love awards...but it is SO not cute (apologies to whoever created it). Bows make me want to barf! But I will display it proudly anyway!

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The Creative Blogger Award is for everyone who participates in The Experiment II. Go check it out...there are some really great pictures there! _________________________

Rules for Tag #1:

1. Copy and paste the story below, and the rules, on your blog.

2. Find out who you're going to tag. (2-3 people, or more, if you wish)

3. Write one or two sentences to continue the story, and use the titles of the blogs you're tagging or any word(s) associated with them as keywords in the links you include in your part of the story.

4. Remember to tell your taggees that you've tagged them!

5. Feel free to use this and start your own viral link story. I'd very much appreciate a link back to Mother's Home if you do. (Or a tag, if you prefer!)

Once upon a time, after the evil stepmom had put up a Barbed wire fence around everything, the Empress came and shouted: "I've come to give you A little piece of me mind!" The evil stepmom, Shelby, came out to see what all the Rambling from this Crazy person was about. The cranky, evil stepmom watched in horror as the insane person began to parade around singing "A Boy Named Sue."It seemed like forever this insane person would sing and for miles he would parade, all the while twisting and dancing to the song.It was nothing short of sheer brilliance, though, this Empress, dancing like a wild monkey in an accordian store, waving goodbye to the evil (and I mean very evil) stepmom and heading off to her job as a Kelly Girl on a military base in South Carolina. It was there she was swept off her feet by Officer Gorgeous and signed up to be part of the USO.It was day by day living with Officer Gorgeous. They went to dances, watched movies, star-gazed, & drank their fountain drinks from the same glass. Then, her Mother, Sister, and Friend came along.....She hadn't seen them for years, and couldn't wait to introduce her new love to them. "This is Officer Gorgeous," she said. "He's really a misplaced midwesterner. We're crazy in love!""You must come all the way home with us!" her family cried.She countered their pleas by saying, "I can't go all the way back to Mayberry, Mom."Her brother stepped in and said, "Hey, while your Officer Gorgeous has been keeping your fires burning on the homefront, his wife -- yeah, I said wife -- is raising their screaming masses."Meanwhile the evil stepmom was back at the Evil Homestead with her slave boy Charles. Poor Charles struggled to break free and make a new life with Mebs mommy. Her name was Jenny!. Jenny had long flowing red hair, beautiful eyes and the mouth of a sailor on shore leave. Red hair? I think not, it's color is more like My Coffee of the Day...a rich brown! Jenny! wasn't interested in making a life with Charles, too bad for him...she was more in the mood for some special meat Loaf from Greg's General Store. Mmmm, it taste so good...and it's Cheaper Than A Happy Meal! After Jenny was sufficiently full...she was Feeling Stoopid and decided to visit The Man at the Pub and see if he had anymore Pointless Thoughts to share. After tossing back a few at The Fishbowl, My Vay-jay-jay started paining so I took The Cherry Ride back to Pookalookaville and my Nocturnal Tendancies took over and forced me to stop Living It Up and turn myself over to the Mattress Police who told me that Nothing Else Matters...it's just Another Day - Same Life!

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Rules for Tag #2 from Site Insights:

I already did this one...and right now I can't think of 8 new things! So, here's the link to the last one!

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I am so busy at work today...it's nuts! It's my last day at my desk...then starting tomorrow I start my new position in the Conflicts department. I need to pack up all my shit and get it to my new desk and I haven't had a moment to do so! My boss feels it necessary to work my ass to the bone on my last day...no liquid lunch or anything! Bummer! She is also being quite the whinny picky bitch today...so thanks for making my last day working for you super special - fucker!

Assarella!

My dog has such bad gas right now...so I may be brain dead by the time I am done writing this! I will be short and hopefully sweet!

Friday after work I ran into a friend from High School. She was one of my best friends throughout High School, but then she moved to L.A. and we kind of lost touch. It's fun running into people and seeing how things have changed so much but at the same time not at all. So, last night we had a mini-reunion at my house and played some games did some drinking...golly good times!

After playing Disney Scene-It...which I ruled in...we played Catch Phrase (my favorite game) and then started in on the sex talk. My sister and her boyfriend were there too so I happened to learn WAY more info that I care to know about my sisters sex life! After a half bottle of Riesling and a full bottle of Merlot...I was sufficiently buzzed enough to forget all the horrible sex things my sister shared! I did end up with a new nickname after last night though...Assarella...thanks J-Dawg AKA Dress Up Girl!

However, I think the nickname Assarella already belongs to this chick...so I need a new one...but Assarella is kind of catchy! What do you think my nick name should be?

The Battle!

Is anyone else sick of rappers and hip-hop artists and all the fucked up drama that comes with it? The East coast vs. West coast crap, the shootings and the who's got the bigger dick childish rivalry! After all...their black...all their dicks are big, so why fight about it! I am not a rap fan...sorry J-Dawg...don't be mad, but Eminem...is a wigger!

The latest beef is between Kanye West and 50 Cent.

The two hip-hop stars new albums, 50 Cent's "Curtis" and Kanye West's "Graduation," are both released on September 11 and 50 Cent is so confident he will win the sales war he is willing to gamble his future. What future would that be? Being shot up at some seedy night club by some rival recording artist in hopes of become the next Tupac? Anything but that 50...we need you!

50 Cent said: "Let's raise the stakes. If Kanye West sells more records than 50 Cent on September 11, I'll no longer perform music. I'll write music and work with my other artists, but I won't put out any more solo albums. They would like to see Kanye West give me a problem because I've worked myself into a space where I've become the favorite. Everybody roots for the underdog when he goes against the favorite."

Since I am so not street enough to keep up the rapper lingo and slang...I am renaming the opponents. 50 Cent now is going to be called Half Dolla and Kanye West is now going to be called King Wuss.

Here's a news flash for Half Dolla...the world will not stop turning if you give up your solo career. I will not shed one single tear if you loose. Aside from the fact that I think you are hot as sin and a bad ass mofo...I don't much like you and quite frankly, I am a bit scared of you! I think your songs are catchy and all your references to bitches sucking your dick is kind of entertaining...but I won't die without them! I can make my own dick sucking references, thank you! Half Dolla...cut the beef bro and start trying to peddle more of your porn prosthetics! You are too cocky for your own good...you half witted piece of shit!

Here's my news flash for King Wuss...I hate you, you mother fucking ignorant bastard trash cunt! You make my skin crawl at the mention of your name. You are a piece of shit not worthy enough to wipe my ass. I hope Half Dolla's crew busts a cap in yo' ass! Your designer fucking suits don't hide the scum that you are on the inside and I hope you rot in hell sooner rather than later! Your such a pussy...you can act and talk all tough but I would bet you cry your sorry ass to sleep every night! I could beat your ass in seconds...not just because of my out of control hate rage for you...but because you are a fucking wuss!

So...guess who I want to win?

Kenny Chesney who's new album also comes out on September 11.

I don't like country music either...but I would rather see Kenny win over Half Dolla and King Wuss.