Superman Didn't Suck

Don and I saw Superman last night and it didn't suck. I wasn't expecting to hate it...but I definately wasn't expecting to love it. I am not a huge fan of comic book movies, I could do without Spiderman, Hulk, and for sure Catwoman, but I love X-Men and now Superman. I actually cried (which for those of you who know me - this shouldn't suprise you - coming from the girl who cried when I was 5 in The Wizard of Oz when the wicked witch melted) but seriously...I loved it! I would recommend it to everyone, even if you don't dig the whole comic book superhero thing.

P.S. I even changed my signature pink font to red - just for the "man"!

Get Me Some Of That!

Painting Pot

Jeanette, Sarah, Audrea and I went on our last outing as a foursome yesterday since A is moving. I am kind of sad because I really enjoy Audrea's company.

We started our day out with some T.G.I.Fridays...always a good choice. Fridays has new glasses that you can purchase...real exciting shit rigth there! The only problem is the the rim of one of the glasses looks like shit, so who would buy that. I don't know about everyone else, but the last thing I want to do is drink a cocktail out of a glass that looks like it was dipped in shit.

After that we went to the place where you paint shit...no you don't actually decorate poop, you paint pottery. I don't know the name, I think it is something like The Pot You Paint? Well, I got to finger Buddha so that was exciting. Of course mine didn't turn out how I wanted it too. I am always so dissappointed in my imperfection of my pottery. High expectations are never met with my artistic abilities.

Next, we went to Coldstone and ate some delicious ice cream concoctions. I had cheesecake ice cream with black cherries and snickers mixed in! Fucking fantastic!

I then was called a "silly bitch" by the local bum and then we called it a day!

I had so much fun with my girls! Wish Audrea wasn't moving away!

Monkey See - Monkey Do

I feel like I am a really good mom - yes, I do need to preface with that, but I am now learning that Donovan really is in the mimic stage...the hard way. It is really fun to make noises and have him repeat them back, to give him directions and have him follow them and to show him how to do something and have him do it himself, but there is just one thing that I wish we didn't show him...

On Sunday I was putting away clothes on our bed when Don walked up behind me and bent me over (don't worry this is very PG) and pulled down my pants and slapped my ass. Donovan was helping me put away the clothes so he witnessed this and thought that it was real funny - he was laughing pretty hard. So now every time I bend over, Donovan tries to pull down my pants and spank me! The other night when I was picking his toys out of the bathtub, he pulled down my pants and gave me a few quick, but swift spanks. He did it today when I was making him dinner. The whole time he looks at me with that devil grin and smiles. He knows he is doing something kind of bad - he knows that hitting isn't a good thing to do...even though he tries it sometimes. It doesn't help when Don and I are both laughing so hard we snort to teach him not to pull down mamma's pants and spank her. Hopefully he will just forget and won't see that again. Now we know...don't do dirty things in front of a mimic.

History Of The F Word

History of the F Word

My favorite internet video clip!

Damn...I Haven't Blogged Since May!

I didn't think that I was actually too busy to blog lately, but I guess I was wrong. Work has been sucking balls lately...those of you who work with me know why!

My grandpa from Florida was up this past week visiting. I kind of feel left out from the family since I wasn't invited to anything that the rest of them did with my grandpa. I only saw him like 3 times and that was with Donovan so, of course, he stole the spotlight. My grandpa, mom and dad went to spread my grandma's ashes on Friday. I would have liked to go with since we didn't have any kind of "formal" goodbye for my grandma. She was cremated...Obviously...otherwise we wouldn't be spreading ashes and there was no service or funeral type thing for us to attend as a family. I really miss my grandma, but I have a hard time realizing that she is actually gone. With no funeral or service for her, it doesn't really seem like she's gone. I know that this is how she wanted it to be, but it just hasn't sunk in yet - I guess I am a little slow since she died in January.

Okay, enough of that...

Don's mom also came for a visit from Florida. She was in for a week and spent a few days with Don and Donovan. They got to go to the Field Museum and the DuPage Children's Museum, all the while...I worked! We went to a restaurant in the city named Twin Anchors on Saturday night for Don's brother's graduation dinner. It was good place...not for a 15 month old...but a fun idea. It was more of a bar than a restaurant. They wouldn't take reservations and wouldn't sit the table until the whole party was there. We had to wait over 40 minutes for our table and to get to the table, we had to walk through a very crowded bar (Saturday night on the northside) - so that was so much fun. The food was good...but not worth all the hassle. Maybe if we had left Donovan at home we would have had more fun.

So to re-cap the last few weeks of my life...I have felt very left out!

Yo Mama!

Your Mommy Is Angelina Jolie

What You Call Her: Old Lady What people say about yo momma: Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Who's" Your Mommy?

Yum....Coffee

You Are an Iced Coffee

At your best, you are: hyper, modern, and athletic At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you're out with friends Your caffeine addiction level: medium

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

X-Men 3 Is A Must See!

You Are Wolverine

Small but fierce, you're a great fighter.Watch out! You are often you're own greatest enemy. Powers: Adamantium claws, keen senses, the ability to heal quickly

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Don and I saw this movie today and it rocked it hard! It was so much better than the 1st two. I would totally recommed it - even if your not really a fan of that genre!

I'm In Love With A Stripper

Your Stripper Song Is

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard "Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?" Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Sarah's So Smart!

Congratulations Sarah! You are officially smarter than Jeanette and I.

Sarah's graduation party was so nice! The way Sarah and her sister Noemi are together reminded me of the way me and my sisters are. I am so glad that I am the oldest, you get to pick on the little ones!

Excellent BBQ was served and I got to hold AAA for a while. She is so tiny, I miss Donovan being that small and so holdable. They grow up so fast!

Oh, by the way Sarah, I would totally date you! I will let Jeanette do you though!

The Anatomy Expert

Donovan knows a lot for his age (yes, he is the smartest 14 month old) and never ceases to amaze me. We are teaching him lots of fun things like body parts. He knows head, hands, nose (sometimes), belly button (his favorite) and my personal favorite...nipples! He proudly pulls up his shirt and points right to his little nipples. I love that boy, he's a charmer!

Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba - Cock-Su-Su-Suckie

Happy Birthday Ashley! The big 30...how exciting!

Jeanette, Sarah and I were lucky enough to be invited to Ashley's surprise birthday party at the fun and exciting Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba for a night of good friends and great tapas! We strolled into the really well decorated restaurant and found our party right away. Then we all ordered an array of tapas for the whole table to share, we drank sangria merrily as we made new friends and went home full and happy!

That would have been a nice evening!

Now what really happened...

Jeanette, Sarah and I were reluctantly invited to Ashley's surprise birthday party at the dirty and expensive Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba for a night of being ignored and treated like outsiders! We strolled into the under decorated restaurant and proceeded into the wrong party room, where we were so nicely greeted by a fugly bitch, "I DON'T THINK YOU BELONG HERE!!!" No shit Sherlock...we definitely don't belong with some stuck-up fat fucking bitch that couldn't find her g-spot if it bit her on her clit. Or so we thought...it ended up that our party was full of some stuck-up bitches, that probably don't even know what a g-spot is. Our gift for Ashley was obviously not appropriate for dinner (pornogamy), according to the evil looks and disgusted glances...but most of them probably lay in bed like stiffs while their husbands/boyfriends poke them with their little dicks (otherwise known as the, "I am too good for fucking...we only make love!" kind of people), so if they don't like our gift, oh well, it wasn't for them anyway! The three of us got to sit at one corner of the table (me in the middle for maximum footsy play with both my girls) next to the rat shit in the corner (very appealing by the way). We didn't want to split the check with the high rollers so we ordered on our own tab. The three of us split: garlic potatoes (about 2 hunks of potato each), meatballs (about 1 and 1/3 meatball each) and five bite-sized desserts (about 2 bites of each). The desserts were pretty good - the best part of the meal (that may be because we played our new game, speed-eat, with them). We tried to be nice and cordial with everyone at the table, however; they didn't seem much interested in getting to know us...I figured that out when we sat down at the table, but it became abundantly clear when the man-bitch completely turned his back to Jeanette and the she-male next to Sarah kept rolling her eyes every time Sarah got a little too close or too loud. My favorite thing was using the employee bathroom because I followed the dumb ass hostess directions to the can...Completely passing up the guest bathroom. The employee bathroom was disgusting (no wonder they have rat shit in the corners) as the toilet was crooked and you had to sit on the stall wall to go! I didn't exactly dislike the experience...Jeanette and Sarah are a blast to hang out with...but being insulted when Ashley's friends wouldn't take our money to help pay for Ashley's dinner...was a wee bit over my tolerance line!

All in all, I had a good time with my two favorite gal pals (the ride home with Ashley was much better than taking the L...thanks Scooter!) and would gladly do it again!

P.S. The valet parking dude grabbing his junk as he walked away from the car, also made it worth all the shunning!

The Bimbo at the Emission Test Office

So, I had to get my car's emissions test done last week, that was fun! For whatever reason I turn into this complete fumbling bimbo any time I am somewhere about my car (repair shop, Jiffy Lube, emission test facilities, etc). I was really nervous because I received a nice letter in the mail from Mr. Jesse White, who was going to suspend my drivers license and vehicle registration if I failed to comply. This was necessary that I passed. I failed the test two years ago because of some piece of shit CO2 censor not working right...$350.00 later...I passed. I didn't have that luxury this time...I needed to pass. I pull up to the place (new location...the fuckers at Hillside closed) and got stuck behind some complete moron who was driving about 1/2 miles an hour. I sped around him cursing obscenities that are not appropriate to repeat...not thinking that I was at a government place and perhaps getting road rage was not a good thing to show them righ now. I pulled into my testing lane (pink warning slip in hand) and didn't even have to wait. The big black guy came up to the car (I peed in my pants already because of nerves) and he asked, "Ha much mals yo gots on dis?" I replied, "None of the lights on my ODB are on!" He said, "No, how many mals yo gots?" I replied, "I drove for about an hour before I pulled in!" He asked one more time, this time find of annoyed, "NO, MALS! HOW MANY MALS YOU GOT???" I thought for a second...."OH, MILES! I didn't know what you were talking about, I thought you said MALS...as in malfunctions!" apparently I do have a few malfunctions...in my brain! He laughed and called the other guy over to make fun of me...made me feel real comfortable...ASSHOLE! After the two men were finished ripping me a new one, the black guy said, "Drive down the lane to the end and stop!" I, wanting to clarify, since I failed my last comprehension test, asked, "ALL the way to the end...like right behind the car?" The Latino man interjected, "Yes, run right into the back of the other car!" I laughed a dumbass laugh and drove off! After I got there...the bimbo didn't stop...I passed the test, but not without making a fool of myself again!

Thank God I passed!

National Condom Week

1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP

2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER

3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY

4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT

5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER

6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YOUR DONG

7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT.

8. IF U THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY

9. IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE

10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YOUR PETER

11. SHE WONT GET SICK IF U WRAP YOUR DICK

12. IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT

13. WHLE YR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS

14. WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YOUR TROUSER MOUSE

15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER

16. NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER

17. DONT BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL

18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION

19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL

20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER

21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

Cinco De Mayo - AKA - May 5th - AKA - Sarah's B-Day!

Sarah's one lucky girl for being born on such a fun day! She's so infused in the Latino culture (being born on Cinco De Mayo and dating/screwing a Mexican (he he he...me too - not the born on the 5th thing...the screwing thing)! Joshue made some awesome food, enchiladas with chicken and chorizo, fantastic rice, and beans! Jeanette helped by grating some cheese...she probably didn't help...just made a mess...but we like to make her feel important, so we tell her that she helped! We had a ton of appetizers too...I brought some guacamole (ala Chipotle) and Haley brought a layered dip with chips...very festive! Ashley and Jeanette brought the booze (no surprise there). Sarah's roommates made some traditional drinks (margaritas and daiquiris)...yum! It was a grand ole time at Sarah's pad, which I love and am jealous of! Her cat is super cute too! I agree with Jeanette that the best part of the evening was Sarah opening her presents! I hope she had some fun this weekend! Wink Wink Wink!!!

Now I Remember...

Now I know why I quit blogging for about a month...NO ONE READS OR COMMENTS ON MY BLOG ANYMORE! If there are any lurkers (thanks for the new vocab word Beth) that are reading my blog...please feel free to comment, it would make me feel alot better!

Crossing Guard Hell

After my incident with the Circle and Jackson crossing guard, I have been slightly hesitant to head down that way...however, that is not possible since I live 2 blocks away and that is the quickest and most direct route home. Yesterday morning, after I picked up Jeanette, we headed to work taking our usual route (passing the crossing guard from HELL!). When we got to the intersection and almost came to a complete stop, she waved happily (mockingly) at us from across the street and gave us the biggest smile (evil grin) possible. I am so glad that we can get along after all the other stuff that happened. I know she is just trying to be a big bitch by acting all friendly and buddy-buddy...but really...I wanted there to be more heat there...more anger and resentment...I just love stand offs!!!

Now Hiring - Crossing Guard - Must Be A Beast

Is it a requirement that crossing guards have to be beastly??? They do in fact insure that children cross the street safely (or at least they try), so shouldn't they at least be a little bit nice and friendly? I have now had two incidences with crossing guards in the past month. Now, I know you are thinking that I must be a sucky driver, but I don't think that is the problem...I think it is the sucky crossing guards.

The first incident (not that serious) was a few weeks ago while I was on my way to the bank to make a deposit for work. I take the same route every week so I see the same crossing guards at the same corners. So, I get to 31st and 17th - I am going to be making a right hand turn onto 31st from 17th - and there is a group of children waiting to be crossed across 31st. The light turns green - I wait since there are children ready to be crossed - but the crossing guard is just standing there talking on her cell phone. So, I concluded that they must be waiting for the next light so they can cross 17th instead. I cautiously start to turn...when the beast...I mean crossing guard holds up her sign and yells at me that "You need to STOP!!!" I was a little annoyed at her since she should have gotten off her cell phone and crossed the children immediately when the light turned...instead of waiting till she completely inconvenienced me and everyone behind me waiting to go. I wasn't that upset (since this was the 1st incident with incompetent crossing guards), I simply gave her the bird (along with my best "I am going to kill you!" look) and went on my way.

The second incident (today on my way to work...was a little more serious). I was traveling down Circle and came to the Jackson 4-way stop, there is always a lot of kids around because there are about 3 schools in a five block vicinity, so I am always very cautious. I also know that the crossing guard positioned at this stop sign is a fucking idiot (due to the fact that I have seen almost a dozen children get run down). I was going straight on Circle (making my way to Starbucks) when I came to a complete stop, it was my turn, there were no children anywhere close to the "ready to cross position" and I began to go. The crossing guard (on the opposite side of the street from me) came bounding into the street with her STOP sign gleaming yelling at me to "STOP"! I stopped so now my car was completely blocking the cross walk. The two kids that were "ready" to cross were still a good 25 feet from the intersection. I stayed in the stop position since her sign was still out and she was yelling "Go! GO! GO!!!" I thought she was yelling at the kids, because she was standing in the middle of the intersection with her stupid sign up, so I waited, after all, I didn't want to be arrested for manslaughter after mowing her lazy ass down...since she was in the middle of the fucking intersection! She continued to yell - by now the children had reached the crossing position and were ready to be crossed. I was thinking well isn't this dandy the fucking kids are going to have to walk around my car to cross the street, if she would have just let me go 2 minutes ago...we wouldn't have this problem. She is now holding up traffic (that intersection gets quite congested early in the morning) and people are starting to boil. She then looks dead at me and yells, "GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND GO!" That was it! Manslaughter charges or not...I was going to run the bitch down! See ya'll later...come visit me in prison...bitch was going to die! I made sure that the kids were still safely on the sidewalk and drove up to her, stopped the car next to her (yes, in the middle of the intersection), and told her (politely) that, "I am going to shove that STOP sign so far up your fat fucking ass that you will wish you for death...cunt bitch!" Yes, I know, I used the nasty "C" word again....I hate that word...however, it is so vulgar that she won't forget me and my aqua blue car! What can I say...I didn't have my Starbucks yet!

When I got to Starbucks, all my killing anxiety has boiled up in the last three blocks and I am now a fricking maniac. I walk in and I am greeted by welcoming, kind faces that make it all okay. I get my drink and I am off to a fun and exciting day at work!

Brittany Spears Sucks!

Recently Brittany Spears beloved son, Sean Preston, fractured his skull, either by falling out of a high chair or because she dropped him (since the tabloids are so willy nilly I am not sure what really happened). I was thinking about what a bad mother and role model she was. How could that happen...a fractured skull...that is serious! If he did fall out of the high chair (which if used correctly is almost impossible for infants to "fall" out of) then Brittany is a moron and doesn't know how to use the restraint system or if Sean Preston was plain old dropped...then Brittany is also a moron. Accidents happen and kids are going to get boo boos, but a fractured skull...come on!

Yesterday, Donovan fell flat on his face when he lunged toward daddy and missed so he fell right through Don's legs and smacked hard on the floor. His new adorable teeth became like a samurai sword and sliced a nice gash between his upper lip and gums. There was some blood...freaked me out, but the little trooper only cried for about 20 seconds and went on to playing like nothing happened. After I called the doctor and my mom, we decided that he was fine and didn't need any emergency medical care (the bleeding stopped almost instantly, he was giggling and playing like normal and sucking on that binky like no one's business). About 15 minutes later, Don and I were still assessing the damage as Donovan got more and more annoyed with his worry wart parents, when he (in a fit of aggravation) slammed his head into my hand. This sounds fairly harmless, if I weren't holding a squeeze tub of Baby Oral Gel. The rounded side managed to be the exact spot that met with the corner of his eye. Donovan is now sporting a black eye! Quite cute however, makes me wonder what the other guy looks like!

So all this has me thinking...Am I a bad mother like Brittany?!? I don't really think so but, I know accidents happen so maybe I should cut Brit some slack.

Cherry Cobbler

We finally decided on a paint color for our living room - Cherry Cobbler. Not the most becoming color name, but we are picking based on actual color...not color names. However, if it was up to me we would be choosing based on color names (my choices included Red Red Wine, Velvety Merlot, Luscious, and Cranberry Zing). Good thing I didn't get my way because those colors would have looked just awful on my walls.

I Know Why I Don't Have Sympathy For The Mentally Challenged!

Now lets not get our panties in a twist because I seem to be mean or unsympathetic to the retarded population, but let me tell you some things that might help explain. I live on a really great street, mostly old folks and a few younger families. I know the majority of my neighbors and can have a quick and polite conversation without annoying me or inconveniencing me in any way.

The neighbors to my south have three foster children (all mentally challenged). I know they are foster children because the adults are black and the kids are white (Children of the Corn - WHITE)! The boy (name unknown) likes to play baseball and football with himself. It is actually quite amusing. Hut hut hut....HIIIIIKKEEEE! Run boy run! TOUCHDOWN! And the winner is.....big surprise....the boy's team...or the boy I mean, since team would indicate more than 1. I actually rather enjoy the boy, he is quiet, clean, cordial, nice and keeps to himself. He never steps foot on our lawn, never throws his balls in our yard, has yet to break a window and is not that scared of our ferocious beagles as they bound down the stairs for potty.

The two girls....are another story.

Crystal and Linda drive me absolutely insane. The common gangway we share is also known as the echo tunnel. They find it necessary to scream at each other, "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
NNNNNNNNNNNNN
DDDDDDDDDDDDDD
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Now imagine that echo in your best retard voice...makes it so much worse. My favorite thing about my Children of the Corn neighbors is that they like to play beauty pageant and runway show. Now they are not the most striking girls I have seen, and they could stand to loose 20 - 30 pounds (not that I am one to talk...but I don't play beauty pageant). Their signature walk leaves much to be desired and their running commentary and line of questions for the "intelligence" portion is very entertaining. I use to feel bad that I laughed at them and that I purposefully let the ferocious beagles "attack" them (the dogs are actually afraid of them now...they do not look normal...they don't look retarded either, but there is enough evidence to support my retard label).

Now to why I have no sympathy...

Their bedroom window is across the echo tunnel from ours. They NEVER sleep (I am not exaggerating - they NEVER sleep). They like to sing to popular hits such as Brittany Spears, Kelly Clarkson (they have ruined her for me), Sean Paul, Usher, Nick Cannon, Pink, Ciara, Beyonce, and other female and male vocalists that like high notes. Needless to say, at 1 in the morning listening to the Children of the Corn belt out, "Hit Me Baby One More Time" in their best Speddy Eddy voices leaves me angry and unsympathetic to the mentally challenged cause. I know I should blame the foster family for not making them keep the noise level down or putting them in cages so they sleep, but somehow, its the girls that take the brunt of my anger. They are harmless and all around good girls, but I cannot take another summer of the singing.

As I look back at what I have wrote, I am starting to feel a little bad because that was harsh...but then again...they should realize that people sleep at 1 am and that their singing does not produce relaxing lullabies.

Wow...She's Hot!

Has J'Lo been eating her perfume lately...because damn...she looks nasty! I know she has got to have enough money for a bra for those squishy's! And please...stop grabbing your non-existent frank and beans!

Remodeling Sucks

So Don and I decided to take on a project bigger than we had time for. We bought all new furniture and it won't be delivered until May 4th so we decided to paint the living and dining room. Well, there was some ancient ass wallpaper that needed to be ripped down, not so bad. Then there is all the wallpaper glue removal that needs to take place...pain in the ass. We started this weekend, but it is going to take a few days. Then we have to spackel, prime and then paint. I know I will love it when its finished...but right now I just want to move.

Proof Once Again

Once more I prove to everyone that Donovan is the cutest baby in the world!

Nice Way Of Saying I Suck At Math!

I took an IQ test and these are my results...

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.

What the test results are saying, in a very nice way, is that I am a complete retard when it comes to Math.

Here's the link if your interested...

The Classic IQ Test
http://web.tickle.com/invite?test=3001&type=t

My Trip To Satan's Asshole!

Yesterday Don and I took a trip to Satan's Asshole...otherwise known as the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV). It was not as I expected...I didn't have any outbursts at the morons that call themselves employees or at the retarded people standing in line...and I wasn't banned! How eventful! I dediced it might be best if I waited in the car while Don took care of his business...no he didn't have to use it...he needed to renew his license, which he did...scored 100% on the writtn portion and wasn't even required to take the driving portion. Good news for the DMV and me!

Hi Cheese!

Hi Cheese...this is Jeanette!

It's Spring Cleaning Time Again!

I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it! With the weather perking up in full gear for Spring...I find myself peeing my pants with excitement and thrill because I know that this week I get to do my Spring cleaning. I love cleaning anytime and don't really need an excuse, but the Spring season especially excites me because it is time to purge the back porch. My back porch becomes the bottomless pit for storage and trash. I have bags of baby clothes, Donovan's miscellaneous outgrown apparatuses, air conditioners, tables, recyclables that never made it to the bin and many other things that made themselves a cold home on the back porch for the winter. Last time I purged the porch, my neighbor and I had a slight altercation - she made some comments and I heard them...we had a few words, needless to say, we don't have the friendly neighborly courtesies anymore, just evil stares and annoyed mumbles. So I can't wait to start the purging! Let the cleaning begin!

Donovan's Special Birthday Guest!

Now don't get me wrong...I do like costumes at Halloween, but when one of Donovan's birthday guests came (I mean changed) as Spiderman, we were all alittle shocked. This little GIRL is 7 and her parents think it is okay for her to come to someones very special day and change into THIS!!! Hello, leave the fucking costume at home next time.

My Cute Little Boy!

I know everyone is sick of hearing me talk about how cute Donovan is, and how he is the cutest baby in the world...but he is and here are some pictures to prove it!

Why Can't Everyone Be Like Jeanette and I

Do I have to light an atomic bomb under the world's ass??? It seems like no one is as competent as Jeanette and myself (I am not trying to boost my self-confidence and give myself a pat on the back here). The questions that I was asked today at work, blew my mind. Also, the amount of gaul some teachers had made it hard to not spit in their pompous faces. The hopher asked me to do the impossible, and after an explanation of why this feat was not going to be feasible, she wanted me to do it anyway. Just need to vent!

My Favorite Directors!

I stumbled upon this picture today...thought it might be funny!

Is It Wrong To Just Want Lettuce?

I was at the grocery store the other day looking at the plethora of bagged lettuce. The selection was a little overwhelming and I didn't know if I wanted Caesar, Mediterranean, Spinach, Iceberg, Classic, Italian, Romaine or one of the seventy other choices. I was getting a little pissed because I wanted just lettuce. As Don approached me, he asked, "what's wrong?" I replied, "God, I want a bag of JUST LETTUCE!" Right then, I looked down at the bottom row and saw a nice green bag that made me feel a little bit like I was in heaven...it said, "Just Lettuce." What are the chances that my prayers were answered at that exact moment! I hadn't even been nice about the prayer...it was more of a demand really, but whatever, it worked. I think I might keep trying this asking God for stuff stunt..."God, I really want a new car!" Well, I gave it a minute and nothing has happended, so I am assuming the I used up the one wish like prayer on JUST LETTUCE! FUCK!

Wow How Time Flies

So it has been almost two months since my last blog...I feel kind of guilty not keeping up with things.

My life has been very busy lately. Lots of work fun, it is busy season at Sylvan. We have tests up the ass every single Saturday and no room for comfortable testing environments for the kids. Our lovely and dedicated (HaHa) teachers have been pulling some irresponsible crap. The damn directors keep enrolling kids so it just makes for a really profitable nightmare.

Donovan just had his 1st Birthday on March 10th, so I was planning not one, but two birthday parites for him. I couldn't believe how stressed out I was about Donovan turning one. I credit myself with being a pretty laid back type of person that doesn't let things get to me and stress me, but the 1 year mark took its toll. Donovan got so much fun stuff for his birthday...the little spoiled brat!

Donovan has RSV, which is a viral respitory infection and an ear infection. The poor thing is miserable, I guess all that partying took its toll on his immune system. He has to do an inhalation treatment through a nebulizer four times and day...and he hates it! The mask is a cute little dinosaur that does nothing to soothe the scary sounds.

So, I am going to rededicate myself to blogging again!

I Am Really Slacking

I realize that I have been a very bad blogger lately! I haven't blogged in some time. I do have an excuse though...my computer crashed and I had to wait for the new hard drive to be installed. That was a very frustrating event - we lost all of our pictures and everything that we had on our computer. I was very upset about this whole situation because Donovan's 1st year pictures are all gone! We took the computer to a recovery specialist at Circuit City...with no luck. The good thing about the Kodak online photo albums is that I can order a disc with all my pictures of Donovan and we can once again have them. The only catch is that the pictures that were once free for us to enjoy...are now going to cost over $40.00 to buy. It is totally worth it since they are Donovan's pictures, but it just kind of sucks that we now have to pay to have our pictures back! I know it sounds dumb, but I am allowed to feel annoyed.

It's Been Awhile

I feel like I haven't blogged in such a long time. Christmas and New Year's have past without any sort of commentary from me - weird. So let me catch you all up...

Christmas was extremely busy and exhausting. Donovan got so much stuff that we had to buy a huge rubber container to store all his toys so that I didn't go crazy looking at them everywhere. Visiting family is so tiring with a baby. Everybody wants to hold him, everybody wants to see him, everybody wants to talk about when their kids were this little - I am not interested by the way! I am glad that it is over and that we can all get back to a normal schedule. The food the past few weeks has been phenomenal, so I can't really complain.

It was Don and I's 8 year anniversary on Dec. 30th so we got to go out on a date to Fridays. That was a lot of fun. We do actually go out together often, but usually it is to the grocery store or to Target, so going out and eating and drinking together was a lot of fun. You always have fun at Fridays. I am sort of sad that I didn't receive any pottery gifts this year for our anniversary.

New Year's Eve was another day. Nothing exciting, it usually ends up being a boring night. Couldn't really do anything because of Donovan's bedtime and feeding schedule and all. My mom made the most fantastic appetizer though (potato skins, shrimp cocktail, spinach dip, chili dip, veggies and dip, horseradish dip, brownies, rice crispies treats - that's a whole lot of dips...but they were good). I don't usually expect anything super exciting for New Year's Eve anyway, it is hyped up too much and really isn't that big of a deal to me.

New Year's Day we went to my Aunt's house in Mundelien for brunch. She always has fantastic brunch - it is well worth the long car ride. She made a breakfast casserole with ham, potatoes, cheese and eggs and she also made a blueberry French toast casserole that was delicious. We had the standard brunch issue foods; bagels and cream cheese, shrimp, loch, pasta salad, several kinds of breads (poppyseed, banana and cranberry), quiche (spinach and cheese and bacon and cheese), all sorts of cakes and cookies and of course mimosas. Well, I am getting kind of hungry talking about all this food. We got to play our annual "Hide the Pickel" game! Sounds like more fun than it actually is though.

Sounds like I spent my holidays eating and eating and eating (almost forgot all the awesome baked goods provided by Frances Anna at work - rum balls and jello weird things that tasted like heaven). That's what the holidays are about...good food and family! I hope everyone else had a good time and ate lots of good food!

Missing Jeanette

Jeanette is on vacay this week and I miss her so much! Sylvan just isn't the same without her. I have been doing an awful lot of work though...not that she is that much of a distraction! I really miss my lunch buddy...lunch doesn't taste as good without Jeanette. I don't think Jeanette should be allowed to take any more vacation days. Jeanette is also leaving me on Saturdays starting in January - and I don't like that one bit! At least I will have her one Saturday a month and then on every Friday.

Holiday Magic - Not So Magical

We went to the Brookfield Zoo for Holiday Magic this weekend and let me just tell you...it was not so magical.

First of all, I was freezing my balls off and I can only imagine how cold Donovan was...even though he had his full snow suit, hat, gloves, scarf and blanket on.

Second, every time I go to the zoo, which is not very often, the animals seem to look sadder and more pathetic. The polar bears look sickly and crazy (pacing repetitively by their cage door), the snow leopards look lethargic, the black bear looks over feed and under exercised, the walrus looks all scarred and old, all the animals in the children's zoo look disgusting (especially the horses and goats), the gorillas looked stoned, the reindeers looked as if they couldn't lift their own antlers (let alone Santa's sleigh), and the bald eagle looked anything but proud. The only animals that we saw that looked happy and healthy were the dolphins. We got to see the brand new baby dolphin that only weighed 30 pounds...that was kind of refreshing...to see life in at least one species of animal at the zoo.

My aunt, who works at Lincoln Park Zoo, came with us and was telling us about the Bengal tiger Molly who hasn't gone outside in over two years and who will probably be transferred back to Lincoln Park because of her agoraphobia.

I use to love zoos and think that they were a great way for people to gain respect and learn from animals, but as I grow older, the zoos just seem more like a prison for these great animals. The sad thing is, is that Brookfield zoo is supposedly one of the greatest zoos in the world - what do the other zoos look like. When I went to China, we went to the zoo and that was the saddest thing I have ever seen, that was truly disgusting and outrageous. The bears were kept in 10x10 holes in the ground that people used as garbage cans. It was so sad and disgusting that we left right away, I would have cried if we stayed any longer. I lost a lot of respect for the Chinese that day...trying to save the pandas my ass...no wonder they are going extinct...they live in China!

The good thing about Holiday Magic this year was that Donovan got to sit on Santa's lap and met Mrs. Claus. We took a few pictures, only got a few in before Donovan realized that Santa Claus is not cool...but he is actually a perv dressed up in a red suit (I have always been afraid of anyting dressed in a costume - Santa, Clowns, Easter Bunny, Jeanette - so I am planning on instilling that fear into Donovan too).

I am glad that I went, it was lots of fun - despite the sad animals and the cold. I think I might go again next year!

What Will Not Be Appearing On Our Christmas Card

Although this picture is not Christmas card worthy...it is the cutest sneeze caught on camera!



Donovan, the most photogenic baby in the world, has been nothing but uncooperative for his photo shoots for our Christmas cards. Every time that Donovan sees the camera he turns into a big ham and we get the most amazing pictures of him. I bought this cute little Santa outfit for him with the Santa hat and everything and every time we try to take a picture with him by the Christmas tree or in the wrapped box, he turn into a monster. We tried a couple of weeks ago and got nothing, then he had the horrible allergic reaction to his antibiotic and had a rash covering his whole body so we were unable to take pictures and now that it is coming down to the wire...he is being such a little stinker! Sorry for those of you expecting a Christmas card...it may turn out to be a New Years card.

I Love Stupid Questions!

On Saturday, Don, Donovan and I went to Don's grandparents house for their annual Candy Cane Punch. The punch has been a family tradition that they have done for over 50 years two weeks before Christmas. The punch is the shit! It had egg nog, club soda, cool whip and a lot of other things in it that I can't remember, but it was fantastic.

Don and I were priveledged to take Don's sister Yolie with us. That was a blast...she came to our house 10 minutes late and she still hadn't made her appetizer, so we had to wait till she made that. In the meantime...I almost died because she was making a mess in the kitchen and I had just cleaned (she use to live with us and that was the worst few months of my life). After she was finished making her appetizer, we left (late). The ride there was okay, no arguments between Don and Yolie...nice for a change.

On the way home was when I was asked the stupidest questions in the world. It was very cold Saturday and snowing, so Donovan had his snow suit on. He was getting a little cranky in the car because he was hungry and tired of being strapped down in his car seat. Yolie was sitting in the back seat with him and I asked her to unbutton the top button of his snow suit. She then asked, "Why do you put him in this?" Don's response was, "Because he can't put it on himself!" My response was , "I'm not going to answer that questions...you just think about that for a minute." Well, she thought about it for a minute and replied back, "I don't think I am going to be a good mother." Tell me something that I don't already know!

I really just love the stupid things that people say. It keeps me so entertained!

How Do Socialites Do This?

This weekend was one of the busiest weekends I have had in a long time. With outings on Friday, Saturday and Sunday...I am flipping exhausted. I feel like I haven't been home in a long time and that the housework is going down the tubes (not really, I just feel like it is-I couldn't let the housework slip). I have no idea how people go out every weekend and can still function normally during the week.

What Element Are You

Your Element is Fire

Your power color: red Your energy: hot Your season: spring Like a fire, you are full of power and light.A born leader, you easily draw people toward you.You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous.You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention.

What Element Are You?

What Reindeer Are You?

You Are Vixen

Sexy and sultry, you're the one all the other reindeer dream about. Why You're Naughty: That fur pulling spat you got into with Dancer over Santa. Why You're Nice: Because even when you're nice, you're still delightfully naughty!

visit: www.blogthings.com

The Fondue Experience

Last night at The Melting Pot was a blast with my girls. I thought we were going to have a very satisfiying food extravaganza feast experience...and we did...but I didn't know that you get to be an outlaw as well! Jeanette experienced her first metal to metal contact with her car and a taxi. I told her to just take off...there was no damage...or at least none that I could see. The best part about the ride home was Sarah and I making funny references to our renagade experience the whole time. I learned that Sarah is half Jew and also a few interesting facts about the three Wisemen. I had such a grand evening...we will have to do it again sometime...maybe next time without the warrants and delinquent behavior!

What Kind Of Food Are You?

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

www.blogthings.com

Mexican is like totally my favorite kind of food too!

There's A Plane In The Street

I could not stop watching the news last night. The whole Southwest plane accident at Midway had me captivated. It is so weird to see a plane sitting in the middle of the street that I just couldn't stop watching. I could not imagine being in my car at a stop light and seeing an airplane skidding towards me. That must have been the most scary thing for the people in the car. I would have soiled myself. This is the second airplane incident this week, I just wonder what the third is going to be like?!? I do actually feel sorry for the people that were involved with this accident, I don't have any sympathy for the idiot that was shot and killed in Miami - you say you have a bomb on a plane...then you deserve to be shot! I know some of you may think I may be cold-hearted because the dude was bipolar, but I don't really care...I'm glad he's dead...moron! I was slightly embarrassed to be a Chicagoan last night because the news reporters always find the stupidest people to interview...the one's who don't use proper grammar, complete sentences, comprehendable English and who look like they just walked out of their trailer or slum to see "whuz be happnin". I would totally be the nosy one trying get the good spot and be on the news...except I think that I could at least give some kind of intelligent sounding description of what happened and what I heard...besides, "really like super like tunder like bangz like a train like coming downz the way that a ways, oh my god, it was like super loud."

To Love Or To Hate

The snow and I have such a love-hate relationship. I hate shoveling, cleaning off my car, driving with idiots, getting everything wet from my shoes, the way it looks 2 days later, slipping, busting my ass and bloody cracked dry hands.

I love wathcing the snow fall very peacefully at night, the way everything glistens under the sun, the fluffy stuff all over the place, the way my dogs hop around like bunnies it it, the way it makes everything look so pretty, the things you can write in it and the taste of CLEAN snow!

What Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavor Are You?

You Are Cherry Garcia Ice Cream

You're the coolest cat around, but too laid back to let it get to your head

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

Visit: www.blogthings.com

What Kind Of Pie Are You?

You Are Lemon Meringue Pie

You're the perfect combo of sassy and sweet Those who like you have well refined tastes

What Kind of Pie Are You?

visit www.blogthings.com

I promise...this is the last quiz...they are just so much fun!

What Rejected Color Crayon Are You?

You are

Visit www.blogthings.com

to find out What Rejected Crayon you are!

I Found another funny little quiz...I am sorry people...I will stop with all the quizes now...this one caught my eye because it says "Johnson"!

What's Your Pimp Name?

My Pimp Name Is...

Scandalous Skillz

Visit: www.blogthings.com

to find out what your pimp name is!

Thought this was a funny little quiz. I will have to change my current pimp name so my peeps on the street know who I am! Isn't Scandalous Skillz more like a hooker name than pimp???

I Beat Jeanette!

I have finished reading A Million Little Pieces for the next Nerd Herd gathering. Jeanette was ahead of me the whole time by like 75 pages...but I beat her! I finished first...na na na! I am very pleased with this book, much better than the last. I enjoyed it so much that I am recommending it to everyone that I talk to. I am planning on reading the sequel My Friend Leonard (don't know if that is the appropriate term-sequel). Hopefully they don't ruin the book and try to make it into a movie. I can't wait for our meeting in January...I want to talk about the book with people. Jeanette and I discuss some small issues in the book, but we are saving the good discussion for the meeting. Not bad for an Oprah Book Club pick...maybe I should always listen to Oprah...nah...she's mostly full of shit!

What Color Should Your Blog Be?

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

Visit: www.blogthings.com

What Crappy Gift Are You?

You Are a Fruitcake!

You taste like nothing else in this world.And get ready, you're about to get tossed!

www.blogthings.com

What Christmas Carol Are You?

You Are "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow"

Oh the weather outside is frightfulBut the fire is so delightfulAnd since we've no place to goLet It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Forget a new iPod or laptop...What you want Christmas morning is a winter wonderland.

www.blogthings.com

When You Know Your Getting Old

I am getting to be such and old lady! My parents gave me my Christmas present early this year...4 brand new tires for my car! That was the most exciting gift I have gotten in a long time. I feel so old saying that, but seriously...they are exciting. I was in desperate need of some new tires...it was almost like getting a new car.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and engorges themselves to the point of explosion...that's what I will be doing! We are only going to be making two stops this Thanksgiving, as opposed to our usually three or four stops (I am excited about that)! I will be making my famous mashed potatoes, enough to serve 20 people (both stops requested my taters)! I will be making traditional mashed and will spice it up a bit with a kick ass cheddar garlic mashed. On every Thanksgiving I feel like I am on bad behavior with the army because I peel potatoes for hours on Thanksgiving morning. Donovan will, of course, be the spotlight and everyone will forget that Don and I are there too. I am looking forward to two days off of work, but not looking forward to returning on Saturday to a gazillion tests with no one to help...I think I am feeling a sore throat come on...maybe I won't have to be there after all! Just kidding Jeanette!

Remember...don't eat turkey and drive!!! Everyone have a safe and happy Turkey Day!

Gobble Gobble Gobble

I Think I Will Read Another

The 1st Nerd Herd's meeting was a success. I had a lot more fun than expected...I was not sure if people were going to be all hard core about the book. A few of our members, I won't mention any names, did not finish the book. This will be their grace period...if it happens again, we may have to revoke their membership (Ha Ha Ha). The book was not an overwhelming success, since more than half of the members didn't like it or didn't finish it. Ashley cooked a fabulous dinner, thanks Costco! I am actually surprised that we spent so much time discussing the book. Poor Haley...she moved Ashley's fridge! I had a really good time, as always at Ashley's, and can't wait till our next meeting in January.

By the way...Jeanette and I have a cooler cover!!!

The Dogs Ate My Cookie

Damn dogs...they stole my cookie again!

The Wicked Witch Of The Book Club

Anyone wanna guess who hurt my feelings??? Well...it's Jeanette. This morning a bomb was dropped that curiously came to my attention less than a week before the book club meeting. Jeanette has tickets to see Wicked on the same Sunday that we are planning to discuss Life of Pi. Just because she doesn't like the book, doesn't mean she should abandon the club! She makes me so mad sometimes!

Five Generations

On Sunday Don, Donovan and I went to visit Donovan's Great Great Grandma D! Donovan and Grandma D share the same birthday so that is kind of weird. Also, if you write down their birthdate abbreviation for March and the number 10 together...like this - MAR10...it looks like the name Mario, which was Great Great Grandpa D's name! Grandma D is a fiesty ass lady of 93. She talks a gazillion words a minute and is quite the meanie! It is fun to hear all of her stories from WWII and from back in the day. She has lots of stories and likes to tell them all the time and over and over again. It is really neat to have five generations alive at the same time!

Swim Class Cutie

I am the cutest baby in class! Today there were only 3 babies in class so we had lots of room to swim and be silly. Daddy was very brave and brought the very expensive camera into the water...good thing I didn't splash him!!!

McPology - McAss

Hello Jenny:

Thank you for contacting McDonald's and for your interest in the Monopoly Best Chance 3.0 Game at McDonald's.I sincerely apologize for any disappointment you felt when you were unable to obtain a game piece at McDonald's. Because this game was overwhelmingly popular, some McDonald's restaurants may have depleted their supply of game pieces sooner than expected. For this reason, our advertising states that game pieces are available "while supplies last."We did offer an Alternate Means of Entry, however, the date for that option has passed.For complete information about the Monopoly Best Chance 3.0 Game, please see the Official Rules at McDonald's restaurants or visit our website at www.mcdonalds.com.Please be assured we would never want any of our games to disappoint our customers. Because you're a valued customer, your comments are very important to us, and have been shared with our Marketing staff for their on-going review.Again, thank you for your interest in McDonald's and for taking the time to write. We look forward to serving you for many years to come.

Jennifer
McDonald's Customer Response Center


*** You call this an apology for shitty customer service. Jennifer from the Customer Response Center didn't even address the crappy chicken sandwiches or the broken down ice cream machine...what the fuck is that about! It sounds as if she is blaming us for wanting to participate in their game! McFuck-Sticks!!!

Questionable Parenting

Testing at Sylvan can be such an interesting experience. I am baffled by the low level students that come in our doors everyday. I just don't understand how parents can wait until 8th grade to get their child help, when they can't even read sight words?!? Is it denial? Is it stupidity? Is it neglect? Is it ignorance?

Now that I am a parent, I can understand the denial aspect to a certain degree. Of course I think that Donovan is the cutest baby in the world, and I know that other people think so too...unless they are just blowing smoke up my ass, but I do know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that other people may not think that Donovan is that cute. But, I do not think that I am that clueless to let Donovan go on struggling in school and not do anything about it. It is one of my personal goals to always be in touch with how Donovan is doing academically and developmentally. I think that I am almost neurotically obsessed with his development now, so I hope that in the future I stay on top of those sorts of things. Can everyone please be honest with me and if you think that I am in denial about something, mention it to me. I already know that Jeanette is going to be Donovan's Math tutor and mentor, since I know shit about Math.

It is really sad to me to see these students all the time that are scoring so low.

The Noble Duke Of York...

Second day of swim class...lots more fun this time, daddy came with. Donovan really enjoyed both of us being there and having fun in the water. He is already making improvements. Today he was kicking his feet and paddling his hands to chase after his toy. When we did Humpty Dumpty, Donovan jumped into my arms (with a little prompting). We were more familiar with the locker room and how to manage both of us getting dressed and all that. We sang some fun songs, like: The Noble Duke Of York, The Hokey Pokey, The Wheels On The Bus and some others that I can't remember. I know everyone reading this is so excited to hear about our swim class, but get use to it...you'll be hearing about it every Friday for eight weeks!

The Smile That Can Light Up A Room

I really don't know how Donovan got so cute?!? This picture just screams happy baby!

Halloweenie

Donovan's 1st Halloween was a lot of fun...probably not as fun as it will be next year when he can actually walk and eat some of the candy he collects. Our first stop was Sylvan (as Chewbacca) so that Scooby Doo could take some pictures...Donovan got to see a human size dog and a cow girl there. After getting Chewy hair all over the place, we went home and got into some normal clothes. Donovan, Don and I all went out to eat at Olive Garden...Donovan was a very well behaved little man. It is much easier to take him out places now. After dinner, we went home and changed into the elephant costume and Trick-or-Treated around the block. Didn't get much candy...but that's okay...mommy doesn't need to eat all that candy anyway. It was kind of a crappy day out so we didn't do too much tricking or treating.